Why do men cheat

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   Kristie Glassposted 7 years ago

   Why do men cheat

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   mike102771posted 7 years ago

   For the same reason women do. Because they can.

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Well some women maybe.. but I don't cheat.. I've been in a 8 1/2 year relationship we have lived together for 6 of those years and just bought our first house together 5 months ago and I just found out he's cheating

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      mike102771posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Are you two married? Is his infidelity something you can live with because a cheaters gonna cheat? Could you ever trust him again? If the answer is no then get a lawyer. Protect what is yours.

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      No we're not married, but we've been together for almost 9 years. And I trust him some but not completely

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      fpherj48posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      U just told us that U know he's seeing someone behind UR back. He may have been doing this long B4 U caught it. 9 yrs is nothing compared 2 wasting a lifetime w/ a man who clearly does not intend 2B true 2 U. Think more of URself. U can do better.

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Yes I agree but it's going to take some time financially to get where I Need to be to be able to make it on my own

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      fpherj48posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      U trust him "some?"  Well Kristie, if "some" is fine w/U then stay & know he's cheating "some."  When it comes to love, trust & honesty, "some" just doesn't cut it. Is that all UR worth? Some? That's truly sad. Walk away now B4 u waste UR lif

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      dashingscorpioposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Kristie it's not a "gender thing" even lesbians report having their female lovers cheat on them! Anyone in the U.S. who's seen "Paternity Court", "Cheaters" or "Maury Povich" AKA "You are NOT the father!" knows neither gender is on holy ground.

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   savvydatingposted 7 years ago

   Unless a couple is engaged and had set a date to get married, cohabitation is generally not a good idea. It sounds like you are committed, but for the man, cohabitation is more of a convenience. Why? Because he does not have to be "all in." Thus, he can delay becoming more mature and actually committing to the relationship.
   http://www.smartmarriages.com/cohabitat … riage.html
   So I am sorry to say, but your first mistake was deciding to cohabitate without really knowing how much character this guy has.
   On a brighter note, maybe he is afraid of the intimacy connected with buying a house. Maybe he got scared. Personally, I wouldn't give him that much credit, but if he loves you he will see a counselor to help him get his act together. Please read over the articles. The link contains many. Best of luck to you. You're a good woman who deserves to be treated with respect, and cheating isn't respectful.

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I snooped in his phone he's meeting this girl again tomorrow.. he met her Thursday night told me he had to work late

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      savvydatingposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Well, I hope the house isn't in his name because you're out of luck when you finally throw in the towel.
      Yet another reason not to cohabitate--No insurance for the money, time and caring you put in for nothing. Get rid of him. You can do better.

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      The house is in both our names.. I'm just wandering if I should confront him. He has no idea that I even know what he's done and doing.

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      savvydatingposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I would confront him, unless he has anger management problems. You might also talk to your parents or a professional on what you should do next. Also, you have to think about the possibility of getting an STD from him.

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Both of my parents are deceased.. when I confront him he says I'm treating him like a child, he gets mad, his 8 year old daughter lives in the home with us.. he want loose his temper in front of her and neither will I.. she lost her mother 4 yrs ago

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      savvydatingposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Typical response of someone who is guilty. Getting angry at the other person & taking no responsibility for bad behavior. He is acting like a child. Get rid of him and learn how to choose a "grown-up" in the future. Don't waste any more time on h

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   7. 61

      fpherj48posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Kristie....My sincere advice is simple and perhaps not so sweet but necessary for you to hear nonetheless.  Cut your losses and leave now & do not look back. If he's deceiving you at this point, nothing good will come of this relationship for YOU

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      dashingscorpioposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      What do you hope to achieve by confronting him? You already know he's cheating! If that's a "deal breaker" for you your next step is to PLAN your breakup. Are you hoping he'll beg for another chance & will never cheat again? Trust is gone!

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   Cissy1946posted 7 years ago

   You're statement "Well some women maybe" holds true for men too. They don't all cheat. I agree with Michael, they do it because they can. Whatever drives them is their problem and you can't fix it. You have two options, leave or learn to live with it. My philosophy is everyone can make a mistake, twice makes a habit, and there are no third chances.

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      He got in tinder the dating website, he has met numerous females in there over the past few years taken them to lunch etc. when they found out he had a girlfriend they stopped talking to him

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      Cissy1946posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      It's beginning to sound like you're the one with the problem. Let it go and move on.

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Not really.. it's a lot harder than just leaving there is a child involved and a lot of history

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      savvydatingposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I can understand your concern for the child. Please see a counselor who specializes in these matters. You need solid advice to sort all of this out.
      That way you can move forward.

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      fpherj48posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      OMG Kristie..This is far more damaging than U 1st. mentioned. Out 2 lunch? So he's literally DATING other women & there U R being true 2 him & raising his daughter. U need 2 seek professional help, pls. UR simply being walked on. Don't tolera

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      dashingscorpioposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Kristie, You stated elsewhere the child is his with a different woman who died. You aren't responsible for raising this child should you leave. Sound like you're looking for a reason to stay.  Why snoop if cheating isn't a "deal breaker"?

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I'm also wandering if I should contact this girl. She has no idea he's even in a relationship. She thinks he's a single dad

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   peter565posted 7 years ago

   Everybody got a cheater side to them. Not cheating is due to a person's own moral value or dedication to his/her partner.

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      What do men get out of cheating? I've seen his text messages to this female that he met on tinder the dating website, he met her on tinder last Wednesday met her at Starbucks last Thursday night and now is planning on hooking up with her tomorrow

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      fpherj48posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      If U know where he's meeting her, show up there. This way he cannot DENY what he's doing but he will have 2 either explain & make some promises 2 U or U need to EXIT this 1-sided relationship. Don't allow him to use & abuse U.

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      dashingscorpioposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Kristie a common mistake women make is trying to "figure out" men as if they could solve the puzzle they can make the relationship work. He cheated because (he) wanted to! Nothing you do will make you "new".
      If you've given it your all move on!

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6. 69

   dashingscorpioposted 7 years ago

   
   
   Most people who ask "why" don't care why! It's a rhetorical question.
   People say if they're unhappy why don't they just leave.
   Cheaters aren't looking to replace one relationship with another.
   Their goal is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side.
   Essentially they're looking to "compliment" what they already have.
   Having said that I believe there are three basic types of cheaters.
   1. The Incessant Cheater
   This person has never been faithful in any long-term monogamous relationship. They get bored easily and are always on the look out for the thrill that comes with being with someone "new". Their motto would be: "Variety is the spice of life!"
   2. The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater
   Unlike the Incessant Cheater he is not "proactively" looking to cheat. He may have had a secret crush on someone, admired or lusted in his heart until one day (she) hit on him or made it known there was an "opportunity" to turn a private fantasy into reality. If this occurs while out of town on business or his mate is out of town he may feel like the stars have lined up.
   Sometimes this type of cheater will confess weeks, months, or years later to absolve themselves of the burden of carrying around guilt.
   3. The Discontented Cheater
   He blames YOU! If you hadn't done or stopped doing a particular thing he never would have stepped outside of the relationship. Basically he felt taken for granted, neglected, or there was constant complaining and so on. Someone else came along and made them "feel special" again. She flirted with him, complimented him, told him how lucky you were to have him and gradually he confided in her more until there was a mental/emotional or physical connection. Oftentimes the betrayed person will forgive this cheater because on some level (they actually believe) they were the cause.
   Sometimes people cheat because to (them) it makes more sense.
   Imagine a man with children whose wife has lost interest in sex. He's tried talking to her to no avail. From his point of view he has 3 options.
   1. Accept his sex life is over.
   2. Run down to the courthouse to file for divorce, move out of his home into a one bedroom apt, become a weekend dad, pay child support/alimony, split up assets along with family and friends who choose sides...etc
   3. Find a woman attracted to him that wants to have sex with him.
   No cheater expects to get caught so #3 makes sense to them!

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7. 68

   Ceegenposted 7 years ago

   I feel for you. I know what it is like.
   
   I forgave my ex-wife on more than one occasion, but there's only so much you can take. Be prepared to get hurt, but don't give up hope. If you give up hope, you'll just turn into what you hate.
   
   Also, don't stay bitter, just forgive and forget. The important part people neglect or misunderstand is the part about forgetting. It means moving on with your life, not dwelling on the hurt and anger. (Forgiving and forgetting doesn't mean you stay together).
   
   I still have some level of respect for my ex-wife, but by no means would I ever be reconciled to her. We did have some good times, and I got my son out of the divorce, so I don't hate her in the least. Wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her, but I don't hate her.
   
   And finally, always be wary of men who are afraid to get married. If you've been together that long and haven't got married, it is probably because he never planned on being with you for very long to begin with. Men are planners, after all, even if the plan is a bad one. It might be that he only planned to stay around if you did certain things for him...

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      savvydatingposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Wise words, Ceegan. A most compassionate, but keen response. You see the big picture and have spoken much more eloquently than the rest of us, I dare say.

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      James I commend you for that. That's a great thing to forgive and forget. I'm very bitter right now and very confused. He says he wants to be with me says he loves me but is still seeing other people

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      dashingscorpioposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Kristie it's because cheaters don't believe in having "one or the other". They want it all and as much as they can get!
      I bet if you started seeing someone as well he would breakup with you. You can't control others. Accept it or move on

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      He says this is what's best for us.. because of his daughter along with everything we've been through he says he has an emotional connection to me

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      Ceegenposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      He very well might have an emotional connection to you, but that doesn't mean it is good for you.
      
      Stay strong, one way or the other.
      
      Thanks all.

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I really don't even know what to say to him.. I mean should I say something or just break up with him

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      Ceegenposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      You should say something, even if to explain what hurts most. It won't be pleasant, but you might actually feel better getting it out there.

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      Kristie Glassposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Things have gotten worse honestly I've tried being positive but it's every other week

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      savvydatingposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Kristie, please leave him. For your own sanity and well being, get rid of him. Make sure you get legal counsel so that you can get your money back on the house. Actually, you should keep the house, if you can afford it. He cheats. You don't.

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       Ceegenposted 7 years agoin reply to this

       I'm with Savvy on this one... You've tried your best, and that's all you can do.
       
       And hey, you're beautiful.

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   Emmyboyposted 7 years ago

   Men cheat for so many reasons.
   
   These could be:
   
   1. For adventure.
   2. Out of boredom
   3. Peer pressure
   4. Basic polygamous instinct
   5. Seeking variety
   6. Unhappy home
   7. Machismo
   8. Bad sex with partner
   9. High libido
   10. Willing girls
   
   Maybe, I will try to elucidate more on these points with a hub one of these days.
   
   So watch out!

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9. 49

   Flamingglassposted 7 years ago

   A man should never cheat. If he loves the woman he's with, he shouldn't be with another. Plain and simple. Its just wrong. I told my girlfriend that if I ever cheat on her, I want her to shoot me in the knees with a twelve gauge. To me, that's how wrong it is to cheat.

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