Why do men cheat on their female lovers, including the married ones? does it mean that cheating is in the nature of men or....? please i just want to hear your own side of this issue. thanks.
There are parts of the brain that if they are bigger, it is that much more likely they'd cheat.
You can't say why do men cheat on their female lovers only, because girls are very likely to cheat as well.
Is cheating the nature of man? No, but men are on this earth to impress women, and most people actually do not like the idea of 1 partner for the rest of their lives.
I think cheating is in the nature of humans, period. Male and female. We're not naturally monogamous animals.
In fact, monogamy is fairly unusual in human societies - historically, polygamy has been much more common, and even in societies where monogamy was valued, serial monogamy was the most common form in practice because the low life expectancy meant people were frequently getting widowed and remarrying. In societies with arranged marriages, it is also pretty common for spouses to sleep together just long enough to produce "the heir and the spare" and then take lovers.
That said, some people are certainly more naturally inclined to monogamy than others, but in my experience, the difference between the sexes is not as great as many people seem to think.
I think cheating is in the nature of humans, period. Male and female. We're not naturally monogamous animals.
I second that opinion...monogamy is more social and culture induced...
I agree. I think it takes a conscious choice to stay faithful to one partner. I've only had one partner (still with him). Am I ever attracted to anyone else - of course! And I know my husband oogles at attractive women. We've chosen to be married and be faithful to each other - it is against the grain though
I agree with the both of you. I do not think it is only men, women do it too and they even do it more often. The only thing is that men get caught. It is usually because they have a need to show the other woman off to friends. That is why it seems like they are the only ones that do this. Women are much more secretive when it comes to affairs.
I don't believe men are more naturally inclined to cheating than women.
Socially male cheating has always been more acceptable up until very recently in western cultures. When men took on multiple lovers they were considered "studs" on the flip side of this women were considered "sluts". This was true whether the the person were in committed relationships or not.
The virgin / pure woman came with the patriarchal Christian movement and inheritance of both status and wealth in western lands (mama baby daddy maybe). Men sowed while women remained tied to hearth and home, those that did not were branded, burned at the stake, cut from society, locked in nunnery's or otherwise punished for their indiscretion. Although today we take a slightly less harsh view of women who don't stick to the straight and narrow we are not completely free from previous values.
Yeah it's built into their DNA! Once you learn to accept that you can deal with it.
so is a woman's desire to be the only one her man is intimate with, built into her DNA? Why can't a man have to "just deal with" that?
Honey, I gave up on that a long time ago! I'm happy if I can just get him to put the seat down! LOL!
Oh yes, keep dreaming! I just take it one day at a time.
yup. Its all you can do. I actually do believe that cheating is in the nature of some people, and its unfair to say its only men. But..I do not think that is reason to say "deal with it" and go about doing whatever you want, at any cost to someone you claim to love. It is dealt with tho, by many.
Ladies, I think women actually cheat more than men do. From my experience, the guys are more likely to believe in the 1 person forever and the fairy tale dream of lifelong relationships. I am not particularly sure why, and it doesn't come from an egocentric view. This appears to be the case with most of my friends. Potentially, maybe we are all tools and the girls were just slumming. If that is the case...at least I always put the seat down I suppose.
People always seem to think theres one specific reason for things happening in life....
In my opinion, it all has to do with the individual and genetics. Not stereotypically placing a all males or all females with one attribute.
I think some men cheat for one or more reasons. Some men cheat just because they are selfish and will not put another human before their own desires. They don't want to change and won't change. Then I believe that there are those men who really go into a relationship with the intention of being faithful but get bored or feel ignored in the relationship and slip. Women who have good men (with character and intergrity) should keep the relationship fresh and give that man lots of attention. Men need LOTS of attention. If they feel ignored, they seek attention elsewhere.
Women cheat too, ive cheated myself.
All is fair in love or war. Women cheat too.
1 thing I would say is that if you are not giving much attention and affection to your partners, you are bound to be left by him or her because humans are hungry for love and they will go to another person where they will find the kind of affection which they need!
I would not necessarily say that cheating is in the nature of a man. However what I will say, if a man is not ready for a monogamous relationship; he will cheat. A lot of people get into relationships when they are really not ready to be in one. Until a person is ready to be with one person they will have the tendency to cheat.
Cheating is not in anyones nature, we have been made to believe that it is so that cheating is less frowned upon. We are made to believe that cheating is a part of a males nature so that society doesn't have to take the blame. The truth is that society makes it ok for guys to be more outwardly open about sex. That society forces men to compete to see who the "better" "stronger" man is, one of the ways in which to say your the better stronger man is by talking about how many women you have slept with. Men have been made to believe that they should not have intimate relationships that don't involve sex because something like that is not "masculine." Thus making it ok for men to go and to find and to need those relationships in sex. They miss out on a number of relationships growing up and find sex as a substitute. It is how society races and crafts there men. Nature vs. Nurture? Its a Nurture thing
No!! not at all!! it depends on the character of the person...
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Nope, it depends on the guys attitude and their way of courting to women.
Not at all!! all five fingers are not alike. It all depends on the upbringing of the person....
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Unless they are gay or absolutely flawless liars, it must be in the nature of women too.
Cheating is not only a male phenomena. Women also cheat in their relationships. Some people cheat for the thrill of conquest. Others cheat because of the variety.
There are people who are just not monogamous. They believe in experimentation although they are in committed relationships. There are those who are mated with those who are sexually incompatible so they feel that cheating is their only option. Then there are others whose mates and significant others cease to be interesting and exciting people so they look for the thrill elsewhere.
First of all, not ALL men cheat, so I don't think it has anything to do with "the nature of men" specifically. Some men cheat and some men don't. A person is either moral and ethical or not. It's a matter of character, you either have one, or you are one.
And by the way, men aren't the only ones who cheat. Women cheat too.
Oh, absolutely. Matter of fact, I'm cheating right now. Someone else is typing this using my user-name.
Totally agree with Disturbia. Not all men cheat. The thought has never crossed my mind. Cheating is not a character trait, it's a decision.
Well, written, tobey100 stand-in. I think the nature of society today (information age) indirectly entices people to cheat/experiment but it takes a lack of moral fiber to follow through. Many people, as tobey said, do not have an issue with this. They simply do not do it. They don't need to. It may have nothing to do with the amount of sex they have. It has more to do with the information they put into their brains, their lifestyle, their interests. Often people who cheat are people who need to constantly be validated or have some sort of conquest. Often they are not fulfilled in their daily lives. They are looking for something and unconciously look for it in another person.
Damn good comment. The real Tobey couldn't have said it any better. Or anyone else for that matter. "Moral fiber" are two words seldom used anymore.
i agree with coturepopcafe to a point. in my case, i cheated because the person in my life was just happy with me sitting areound like a piece of furniture that he purchased, wanted me there, but made me feel invisible, and made me feel like it was unnecessery for him to spend any time with me. Having a child together, wrapped up in bills, and to in debt to part ways, i found myself looking for a thrill. After all was found out, and i had admitted that i had done a terrible thing to him, i did explain m feelings prior to the cheat. It wasnt a justification, as some may think...sometimes a reason is a reason. There was something missing, a connection that had kind of faded. 2 wrongs never make a right, and i do not condone what i did. It didnt make anything better, but, did in a way force him to talk to me about our relationship. I could have gotten his attention another way though. But at the time, it felt like there was nothing i could do to make him see how i felt, so yes, i started seeing someone. I never felt as wrong as i did when i was caught. cheating is not good for anyone, its never a good rout to decieve someone you love.
Oh, and the bathroom thing....when you have a 2 year old, haha its the only place you can hear yourself think! lol
I think that people of both sexes simply use "I cant help it, its in my nature" to explain away any sort of wrong doing. What I wonder is, why do people think that doing something that causes harm to someone you love, can be excused because "its just the way I am." It might actually BE in your nature to cheat, so what? That makes it OK?
No, it is an individual decision both for men and women.
Man IS a polygamous animal by nature!
Nothing more need be said.
"Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it;..."
Even his biblical god thing places no limits on "multiplying">
Oh so many "jaded" opinions.....
Yes the harsh fact is many men cheat - not all I don't think
In fact some men and women highly value a monogomous relationship for many reasons, including avoiding diseases, and just plain being faithful to each other, glad for what they have, and a promise not to. Also, they may be the jealous type both of them. Not cheating is sacred to many, as with men I think it helps if they are older and done running around.
Many women cheat and many don't mind their man cheating.
In my opinion that is a low self esteem- would be for me.
In my alter ego "If anyone's gonna be w/ someone else it would be me!!!
I don't know of ever being cheated on myself, but that would be a problem. I have never cheated on anyone in a closed relationship, that is one where both decide to see no one else.
Cheating ..is yucky/dirty/whatever
I think when you really love someone, you only think of them, like you don't find other people attractive- I know this to be true for people I know.
In Holy Matrimony, the sacrament, the grace given helps. Of course Christian men cheat too, so it's not by religion or categories. Some people prefer not to.
Well if you run into someone "awesome" and new, after many years...you might get to know them as a friend and then break off your relationship w/ the other person, it depends if you two are still in love or just going thru the motions!
Some people in relationships/friendships w/ benefits/whatever are both looking for someone else.
If people who are "single" can have lots of one night stands and still be "single" then people can have a friend w/ benefits which is actually better and less likely to get stds when you know they are "safe" that way.
Cheating is unacceptable to me. Definitely. I'd rather be w/ someone older or different than a stud who wants to play around. Not happening. But seriously, I have been w/ one man for 5 yrs. And I'm happy with it and "proud" of it and he's been the same.
Many animals are monogomous too.
personally I think it's man's fallen nature to do so and that Christianity helps us do the "ideal" or "right" thing.
I find other cultures nasty in the way women were treated and I think a just and upright man-which do exist-will uphold the truth and be steadfast esp if their woman gives them no cause-and the sex is great etc.
Yea, it's really broad and individual. Some men are perfectly happy not cheating while others can't help it. I feel it's more about the individual drive. Many men have specific needs that they either don't share with their partners or do and get rejected. I feel many people are always wondering if they can have those forbidden needs met. Thus cheating.
I don't believe it's the natural nature of a man to cheat. It is natural, however, that men are always in the 'reproduction' sense. It's their nature to procreate. But whatever values were instilled into them from childhood, I believe that influences what a man will do later. Not just the narrow view that 'all men cheat'. Untrue. Ummm....some women cheat too, ya know.
I think it is human nature to procreate. Now for the most part if a man is cheating so is woman. This is from the it takes two to tango theorem. If one is doing something wrong, then both are.
When we ask ourselves if it is okay to cheat, then we are rationalizing a bad behavior. If you are knowingly and willingly deceiving others then you are cheating. If you don't want to cheat, then just don't get into a relationship or you can have it consensual and keep it open.
As many other people have said, there are a lot of people who don't cheat.
This is because they made a choice not to cheat. Saying it is nature is like saying it is not person's responsibility because they have no control over it.
What about cultures where polygamy is the norm or other societies where men of status have several wives and harems?
in their society yes, as long as you follow the legal laws. usually the prevailing culture dictates the laws.
Polygamy is illegal here in the US. And the culture here is different from some culture specially in Muslim countries where polygamy is alright.
Which, with kerryg's answer does rather tend to suggest that multiple partners is nearer the norm than any religious constrained idea of faithfulness and monogomy.
In which case shouldn't the question be "why should we consider having multiple partners cheating and why don't more people take multiple partners"?
I think the norm is still one at a time in most modern societies. Although there are some segment of societies where threesome - foursome and multiple at the same time, plus wife swapping is practiced.
When it comes to cheating I think it is an agreed compromise between the couple, if your partner agrees that you sleep with another woman from time to time it is not cheating anymore.
Tribal societies are more permissive. I tend to believe that monogamy is still the norm - one at a time in our culture - most of Western culture (bec. in other part of Europe, they are more liberal)
It is not a religious norm as much as it is a societal norm.
........But if this norm is in some way constraining us, I would have to say that the same society is creating norms which say "More is better".
These norms are more constraining. Just think back to high school.
The act of having sex alone is not the act of cheating. Lying is cheating. Deceiving is cheating. The hard part is that a persons partner my not agree with that type of arrangement.
I actually think that it is ego thing "Who did you do last night?". If a person wants to have multiple partners and it is okay with their partner, then they should go ahead by all means. There is nothing wrong with that. When a person lies and is deceptive, that is wrong.
The reason people don't take multiple partners is because they don't want to. I think it is an assumption that polygamy is what everyone wants to do and that it is human nature. Many people measure their virility in terms of numbers but many also don't.
In this society if a person isn't in a relationship or their partner does not care and they have multiple relationships, no one is hurt and quite frankly it does not matter. However, if a person is deceptive obviously someone will care and hey that is when a cheater is thought of in a negative light. If this is in someway wrong, this person should not take this argument back to society and say they are wrong.
They can take it up with the person they cheated on.
If a person conforms to standards that are measured in numbers, that does not mean that everyone else is going to think that way...........and many don't.
There have also been societies - medieval Burgundy for one - where women of status were the ones who were expected to take lovers, and occasional societies where polyandry was practiced. In many tribal societies, marriage is much more casual than it is in more deeply patriarchal societies such as our own. (Bear in mind that a wife was considered the "property" of her husband in Christian society until barely 100 years ago, and still is in some Christian, Jewish, and Islamic sects.) Marriage in tribal societies was often signaled simply by moving in together, and divorce by moving back out. In these types of societies, marriages might be technically monogamous, but often serially so, rather than one man and one woman til death do they part.
Do all men cheat? I'm not sure, find me a woman to date and I'll let ya know in a few years!
To be honest however, I've never cheated on any girlfriends I've had, and I have had several dozen. The thought just does not even occur to me.
Now, If I'm not happy with who I'm with, I tell them and break up, then find someone else. So no, I see no need to cheat.
Does cheating only takes the physical form? I wouldn't think so. Cheating is a moral question, whether done physically or mentally. On whether men cheat more than their female counterparts is a matter of debate. Women are naturally malt-tasked. A woman can dribble through so many chores in a short period of time. This puts her in a better position to think through her plans and the chances of being caught cheating are minimal. One the other hand men are more expressive. By this they always show their intents, and that is why on the whole they would seem to be "bigger" cheats.
One will agree that when we are talking about sex and love, we are simply talking about emotions. And emotions are momentous, what you may hold strongly at one time, it may as well recede in another. Marriage only tries to moralize these emotional aspects but it follows short in addressing the true aspects of nature.
"Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it;..." Even this biblical god thing puts no limits on multiplying.
I think it is just human nature, I broke up with my soul mate because he cheated on me, and I couldnt get past the pain. Now 10 years later I wonder if it was bad enough to end the relationship, I moved on found another partner, but its never been the same, and I cant say i am happy, maybe I should have been more forgiving and worked through it, except for one little comment he made, next time it will be different, because you wont know who it is, but it wasnt that different, and it still hurt to see the one you are in love with go out to meet up with someone else, so I called it over, was I wrong, I dont know because I think I still love him.
I agree with most comments here. I do believe it is more acceptable in the guy world for young guys to cheat, however it totally depends on the person. It could be male or female. Some females cheat and some males cheat.
One thing to ponder is how many people cheat but there partner never knows about it? I know that is a terrible thing but it happens a lot.
I have to admit that I cheated on my ex. Notice the word ex? When I met him I was head over heels in LOVE. After 10 years of mental abuse and never getting a thank you for "everything" I did for him. I cheated. I loved the man more than myself and the thought of cheating NEVER entered my mind. He always played mind games with me and his friends commented on what a good woman he had more than he did! After I found out a little dirt on him and all the embarresment he caused me, and him giving me the ultamatem of either him or "our" baby. I finally had enough and tried to leave, but couldn't. The only way I knew I could get away for good and not look back was to cheat and him find out. I did...And he found out. I am a much happier person and "HAVEN'T" cheated again. I do regret the way it happened, I wish I could have been a stronger person and just LEFT. But you live and learn. Anyone is capable of cheating.
I believe, as shown by the replies above, you will find a wide range of viewpoints from different people. It comes down to personal values of individuals. Hopefully two individuals with the same point of view on the issue get matched together.There are "natural inclinations" that we can follow yet they have huge consequences for us emotionally. I don't think animals who are polygamous in general suffer at the same emotional depth as human beings. Human beings are a complicated species. Many of our struggles involve overcoming our nature too create harmony and security.
Men and women have the cheating mind but those who have free will and common sense can determine what is in their best interests. To throw away a match made in heaven for a one nighter is a bad decision or choice.
Very unacceptable cheating is but even in the most perfect relationships it can happen by any party. Nobody can honestly say they've never thought about cheating while in a relationship
The term 'cheating' obviously comes about because of the society's written and unwritten codes, many of which were made into statute law. This was probably to safeguard and ensure that children had both a mother and father who they could identify with. In other words, the security of a nuclear family relationship.
I can recall reading an article by the famous anthropologist (did I spell that correctly) Margaret Mead, who made a study of a Polynesian Society way back in the 1920's or so. There was no cheating there. Everyone could have sex with everyone who wanted same. All children were brought up and considered the children of the whole village.
However, this did not mean endless orgies, for most people soon found the one they preferred to live with. Occassional wanderings were not frowned upon and everyone was relatively happy. So 'cheating' comes about by how we're indoctrinated by our culture.
Hello. I think that human beings in general are likely to cheat if given the opportunity. It is only social and cultural norms that have imposed monogamy to human relationships. It makes sense for the procreation of the species for men to have multiple partners, or that's how it worked in the old days. It made no sense for a man to tie himself and thus, his ability to make more children down to one woman. That said, women too were likely to seek variety in their mates, to keep searching for the best providers, the best genes to have strong and healthy children. Of course, now with the advent of monotheistic religions and patriarchal hierarchies monogamy has become prevalent so that men can control the biological yearnings of women as well as have a strict record of who their children were. Before, in a matriarchal world, it didn't matter who the father was because it was clear who the mother was and the child gained status and position through the mother. So using the term cheating in itself is a fallacy, it was more a case of both partners seeking more for themselves and their offspring.
Well we live longer now a days than ever before and having a partner for 60 years and never going outside that relationship does happen and I would like to think that true love great friendship and sex, can keep that from happing, is it not the norm, I think not. Men cheat and women cheat. I think that women cheat less than men and when they do cheat it are more emotional, than when a man cheats. A man can cheat and be done with it and I do believe that it is harder for a woman to just have casual sex. That is why I believe in forgiving the person if it happened once and tying to work the marriage out especial if kids are involved. I have to agree with some of the comments that it is in our human nature, especially after 10 15 years of marriage and the opportunity arises, and it is easier now a days than ever before, so yes I think that married people cheat all of the time. Do I think that it is alright, no I don’t, think that it is alright, and it really devastates the other person and puts the family at risk for divorce? So I always say if you feel like you want to cheat talk to your spouse about it be upfront, try to communicate to your spouse before you go out and do the deed, because once it is done, you can’t take it back, that person even if they take you back will never look at you in the same way again.
I think men are very visual people overall. It is natural for men to take a second look at a woman who they find attractive. If a man has it in him to cheat and that visually attractive woman gives him even a shred of a chance to cheat, he will do it. Just my opinion.
Women are the "Plantation" owners, who only want what they perceive to be the best seed for their "garden". That seed, and no other. They really aren't as changeable as some say. Men, on the other hand, are the planters. They really aren't mindful enough to want one field or another, just as long as they get to plant as much as they possibly can. Hence, the problem. Too many other fields to plant. So little time!
Look to nature and you will find that the majority of animals of either gender are not monogomous. Cheating is a term that has been created by humans -- jealous and controlling ones.
I think the sincerity is in human nature. But we are all slaves of social constrains and we are worried about being what we think should be, instead of being who we are (and that is why we cheat also who we say to love)
Ok , somebodies got to help me out here , Im not the smartest guy around , but doesnt it take a man AND a woman to cheat. Oh, or is it that men who cheat only sleep with each other.?
It's the way some were raised. Not all men are cheaters, just like all women aren't bit....well, you know. To change the accepted way, change the culture. Change the culture by changing what we teach to our young. What we must do, we must do quickly.
There is a flawed perception about men cheating all the time. According to statistics, between 45-50% of women and 50-60% of men will cheat during the course of one of their relationships.
In short, it is just much easier, particularly with technology for both sexes to cheat. Besides, people are just more pro-themselves and don't really consider the effect their actions on their partner or other people in their life.
Men only cheat because there is willing women to cheat with...
Back to the old forbidden fruit saga... woman tempted man with a apple in the first place, and that's how it's been ever since...
Men are forced to cheat because most woman don't let us have intercourse with others.
It's very selfish when you think about it
Why cheat, period?
If you love someone, and cheat, get out of the relationship. You will never change. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Why would you want to stay with someone who cheats on you? Really?
Women cheat too. I found this interesting when I was doing some research for my genealogy hub:
"Recent analyses of genetic databases reveal that fully 10 percent of people have different biological fathers from the men they name as their fathers"
It's not that it's their "nature to cheat" it is their nature to have more than one woman. Most will agree that until they are a certain age. (maybe) that they will settle with one woman, but I truly believe they must have variety and that is not cheating, it's being a natural man.
There are different points of view on this matter , but the way I see it is that its 50/50.
It's both of partners fault. Women want a guy that won't cheat , yet we tend to always think they are . Unless they give us a reason not to trust them I don't see why we should think that way. & usually the cases I hear if men cheat is usually cause the girl isn't making him happy or nagging him all the time. So I highly think it's both of the peoples fault. Can a relationship work after that I highly doubt it I mean they broke your trust. So it's not just men who are pigs , women are too .
By their very nature, humans are not monogamous. Monogamy would make sense if humans were loners who never interacted with other humans, but we don't; we form communities and tribes.
Thus, humans have always done (until recently) what other primates do: The males mate with every female they see, and the females band together to take care of the offspring. This is why the traditional gender roles of "Men go out and hunt/work, women stay and raise children" have become so predominant.
So yes. It is in man's nature to "cheat," because sexual desire has been a highly-desirable trait selected by evolution to be passed on, because it ensures more genetic material is being shared. It just so happens that in the past 2000 years or so, roughly 1% of humanity's total runtime, monogamy became a thing because because.
Not everybody cheats but it is certainly in the nature of many. I have been on both sides of that issue and either way it never turns out well. Somebody usually ends up with a broken heart and believe me even though it can be done it is pure hell putting in the work necessary to heal a relationship and get it back on track after being on either the giving or the receiving end of the indiscretion. Wisdom comes with age and I have come to see that a few moments of stolen pleasure aren't worth a lifetime of regret.
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