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A Humorous View of London

Updated on April 11, 2013
Original Police uniform
Original Police uniform
modern English Policeman. A sign of the times.
modern English Policeman. A sign of the times.
Go on, have a giggle!
Go on, have a giggle!
Old morris minor. Also known as the 'moggy minor'
Old morris minor. Also known as the 'moggy minor'
The Tower of London, where Henry 8th sent his wife Anne Boleyn and Katherine Howard to be beheaded.
The Tower of London, where Henry 8th sent his wife Anne Boleyn and Katherine Howard to be beheaded.

There is so much about London that is similar to America, but I suppose the one thing I can say about London is that it is mainly a mix of old buildings and new. You can go around a corner and see a building that was built in 1700, and opposite, a high rise office complex. One second we feel that we are back in the eighteenth century, the next second you go around a corner and see the 'gerkin' building, and it seems that we are in the future.

One of the main differences is that we speak the same language, but we don't! Confused? You say tomato, we say tomarto! Spelt the same, but I put in the R to get the point across! We don't say sidewalk, we say pavement, you say cell phone, we say mobile. We have bacon and eggs, you have strange things called Grits, which I have no idea what that is, and you say ham and eggs. Is that bacon and eggs? Confused! ha ha, we eat chicken for Christmas dinner, and you eat Pumkin Pie, what is that like, I wonder?

Anyway enough of food for now, I am getting hungry! Transport is still pretty much as we have always had, we still have the red Double Decker bus, but also single ones that look like your greyhound buses.We still drive silly little cars, that you Americans' would wet your pants at! Take a look at the picture and tell me you're not laughing, Huh? I can hear ya! The police don't wear those silly tall hats anymore, like you see in the old British films, they wear flat cap type hats. The traffic is as bad as New York, you can be stuck in a traffic jam for hours! cursing and swearing!

We have a lovely place in the centre of London called Hyde Park, which is a huge public place to relax and visit, it is attached to Kensington park, They used to be joined, but back in 1728, The queen divided them into two. Hyde park is famous for it's Speakers' Corner where people are allowed to stand up and have their say on any subject that is bugging them, as long as they don't cross the line, if they do, they get arrested! I think one of the best things about London is the museums, The Natural History Museum situated in South Kensington is a great big 19th century building that covers everything from dinosaurs to earthquakes.

On to food again. You can see where my priorities lie! where food is concerned in England, We love fish and chips, steak and chips, anything with chips! but our national dish is roast beef and Yorkshire pudding on a Sunday, served with Brussels sprouts or cauliflower with peas, and loads of gravy! yummm! Followed by apple pie and custard, or cream, Or if you are anything like me, both!

Religion seems to have taken a back seat over here, even though there are some lovely churches in England, some dating back hundreds of years, only the faithful that have always attended seem to go to church now. it's a shame really, and I do think we should start getting back to the old ways. Instead, we seem to have a drinking mentality going on. Young people have lost all sense of dignity after a few pints, and the News is always full of someone getting hurt, or girls falling down in the street and getting molested because they have drunk too much alcohol.

Whatever happened to a quiet drink at the weekend? Not any more. For some reason the idea these days is to get as drunk as you possibly can, get laid and throw up. When the Brits go abroad on holiday, the locals leave town. How embarrassing is that? Anyhow, enough of that shameful subject, back to sundays'. We go out for walks, cook our roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, get bloated, watch a brilliant American film on TV, (Let's face it, only the Americans' can make a decent film!) and then, at the end of the day, take the dog for a walk, or go to the pub! enough said.

Seriously though, London is an amazing place to visit. From the theatres, to the museums, and of course St. Paul's Cathedral. I think one of the main must see places is the Tower of London, where Henry the Eighth dispatched most of his wives and friends by cutting off their heads. There are loads of hubs on the subject, so I won't go into detail here, but if you ever visit, it will probably be one of the most memorable days of your visit. Apart from tripping over said alcoholic on the pavements, sorry sidewalks!

Or if you just like shopping, we have shopping Malls exactly the same as the States. I live 30 miles away from London. In the day it is very civilised, at night it looks civilised, but behind the scenes, the drugs are flowing. I hate to say it, but this is the truth. We have a posh, another English word for snooty, hotel here called The Compleat Angler, yep the spelling is right, and virtually all the celebs from here and America stay there when they are visiting this area. My brother bumped into Orland Bloom in Waitrose, the food store a while ago! That was my brothers' claim to fame. Sad really!

Diana Ross, Rod Stewart and even Rock Hudson the fifties film star stayed here. I know that because my mum bumped into him in Waitrose as well! Honestly, not kidding, these film and TV stars are a hungry lot! Never changes. So there we have it. Oh, one last thing. We do not want to be part of Europe, well I don't at least, and if the 51st state of America is invented and up for sale, England is gonna buy it! Thanks!

The Natural history Museum
The Natural history Museum
The 'Gherkin' or the Swiss Re Building, at No 30 St Mary Axe
The 'Gherkin' or the Swiss Re Building, at No 30 St Mary Axe
Good old British Bus, with Big Ben in the background.
Good old British Bus, with Big Ben in the background.
St Pauls's Cathedral
St Pauls's Cathedral
London By Night
London By Night
And by day.
And by day.

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