HSI Las Vegas - 'The Jackalope and the Showgirl'

HSI Las Vegas

We are HubNugget Scene Investigators. Together, we use our dogged determination and expertise to find missing nuggets. Sometimes, it can be a perplexing or dangerous duty.
We are HubNugget Scene Investigators. Together, we use our dogged determination and expertise to find missing nuggets. Sometimes, it can be a perplexing or dangerous duty.

The Tragic Romance of BT & Sci-PI

Scene from MacHub by RedElf. Image by RedElf - photo from bonzasheila.com
Scene from MacHub by RedElf. Image by RedElf - photo from bonzasheila.com

Golden Nuggets in Beautiful Las Vegas

Photo credit: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/cvargason
Photo credit: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/cvargason

Episode 1 - The Jackalope and the Showgirl

Having suddenly and violently been forced once again to travel through time and space, thanks to a strange romantic encounter between the jacklope and Officer Sci-PI, we find ourselves in sunny Las Vegas. The scene opens with B.T Evilpants, Sci-PI, Zsuzsy Bee and RedElf sharing coffee and banter outside the Captain's office.

B.T. - "Yeah, that was quite a night. I remember climbing up a balcony somewhere and knocking back a shot but I don't recall why or who that girl was that gave me the drink."

Sci-PI - "Funny, I'm feeling a little fuzzy, myself. I think I had a dream that some guy was climbing a vine to get to my room, then when he got there a nurse gave us a little bottle of poison."

RedElf - "Actually, we were enjoying some time with the Bard, when you two got caught up in a tragic romance."

B.T. and Sci-PI turn to stare blankly at RedElf. Suddenly, B.T. bursts out laughing.

"You had me going there for a second. Oh, Mrs. Evilpants would love this joke."

Zsuzsy Bee - "It's true! You grew these great man-legs and started courting Sci-PI. Before any of us knew what was happening, you guys announced your engagement."

Captain - "Sorry to break up the coffee clatch. Just wanted to let you know that there's a meeting in 15 minutes and I want you all there."

Zsuzsy Bee - "A big case, Captain?"

Captain - "The biggest, Bee. See you all in my office in fifteen."

B.T. - "Okay, back to what you were saying, which I'm having a hard time believing, by the way."

RedElf - "Well, neither of your families would allow the marriage."

Sci-Pi - "Why not?"

Zsuzsy Bee - "Some kind of feud thing, they didn't like each other."

Sci-PI - "Hmm, this storyline sounds familiar."

B.T. - "Excuse me but why do I see desert, mountains and casinos out the window?"

RedElf - "That's what I'm trying to explain. When the parents heard that you and Sci-PI were going to get married, a big brawl broke out. Sci-PI's parents pushed you into the cracked mirror and your parents retaliated in kind. The rest of us followed and we ended up at the Las Vegas branch of HSI."

Sci-PI - "Which means what?"

Zsuzsy Bee - "HubNugget Scene Investigations"

B.T. - Oh, don't tell me they're missing again!"

Zsuzsy Bee - "Yup. The nuggets got ahead of us. We spoke with a witness who claims they landed in the arms of a showgirl by the name of Candy Bubbles.

B.T. - "Lucky nuggets. I saw a picture of her once. All I can say is, va-va-va-voom!"

Zsuzsy Bee - "Well, we still have ten minutes to kill. Why don't we do some reading? The Food and Cooking category looks good."

Which one of this week's Food and Cooking nominees is your favorite?

  • 35% Buffalo (Bison) Stew
  • 15% Ayran, A Healthy Yogurt Drink
  • 12% Toasted Sandwich Filling Ideas
  • 12% 10 Cooking Herbs and Spices to Aid Digestion
  • 21% How to Make the Cajun Doughnut - Beignets
  • 6% The Beauty Of Edible Fruit Arrangements
34 people have voted in this poll.

This poll is now closed to voting.

The Meeting

All are assembled in Captain Shirley's office of the HSI office in Las Vegas.

Captain - "As of right now, we're all working the missing nugget case. I just got off the horn with Simone, who got it from Maddie, who got it from Jason at HSI headquarters in San Francisco and the orders were very clear. HubNuggets is our top priority. We'll work night and day if we have to but those Wannabe nuggets must be found."

Sci-PI - "I could do some tests on the mirror. It'll give me a chance to use that new forensic gizmo that HQ sent us. Perhaps I can find some particles that will help us pinpoint a location."

Captain - "Actually, Sci-PI, I'd like RedElf to handle that. Kittens have very sensitive noses, she may pick up something very subtle. Besides, she can dust for prints with her tail at the same time.

"Bee, why don't you talk to our witness again, see if he remembers anything else. Maybe he knows which club Candy Bubbles works in or perhaps he noticed someone else who might have witnessed the wannabe nuggets coming through the portal.

"Sci-PI, it's the portal that I want you working on. Take your evidence kit and anything else you think you'll need. Bring back as much information as you can."

B.T. - "What do you want me to do?"

Captain - "I want you to read this batch of Health hubs. Check them carefully and glean anything that might provide clues as to the whereabouts of our wannabes' nuggets."

B.T. - "Can Hank help?"

Captain - "Yes, but don't let him touch anything."

Which one of this week's Health nominees is your favorite?

  • 34% My Baby Was a Kidney Stone
  • 9% Key foods for vegetarians to build muscle
  • 17% Living the Overloaded Life
  • 23% A Look at Feral Children
  • 11% Overcoming Panic Attacks
  • 5% What I Learned About Bread and Processed Foods
64 people have voted in this poll.

This poll is now closed to voting.

Life Cycle of a HubNugget

  1. A report is generated of all the new hubs by new hubbers (usually more than 3,000 per week) in 3 rotating categories selected by the HP staff
  2. HubNugget team members go through the list, looking for the best quality hubs in each category
  3. The HubNugget team narrows down the list to six Wannabes in each category
  4. One of the team members constructs the hub and forum thread
  5. HubNugget Wannabes are read and voted on by peers and others
  6. Winners are officially declared by the HP staff
  7. An announcement is made in the forum
  8. Each of the winners receive a congratulatory email from a member of the HubNuggets team and appear in the newsletter for that week

Rinse and repeat each week.

RedElf is on her Blackberry, humming as she listens to the ringing on the other end

"Captain, I've found something! Can you come down to the lab?

Captain Shirley enters the evidence testing laboratory. The doors softly swish closed behind her as RedElf excitedly starts to share her findings

"I found bits of fur and fiber on the mirror edge but I don't think those will help us. The fur is jackalope and the threads are from the Elizabethan era, where we just came from. However, my kitty nose picked up the faint scent of something sweet, perhaps candy or gum. Here, smell for yourself, I got some stuck in my fur while tracking the scent. Someone had put the sticky stuff on the underside of the mirror. I put it under the microscope, there are teethmarks in it. I'm searching for a match in our database now."

Captain - "Could be a good clue, RedElf. If we can find out whose teeth left the impressions, we may be able to prove who has the nuggets. My money's on Candy Bubbles.

"Write up your report when you're finished and leave it on my desk."

Back in her office, Captain Shirley answers her phone. Zsuzsy Bee gets right to the point

"Captain, our witness says that Miss Bubbles works at the Down and Dirty, over on the strip."

Captain - Good work, Bee! Did the witness say anything else?"

Zsuzsy Bee - "Well, he mentioned something about a pole on the stage but he was mumbling into that brown paper bag he carries around. Before I could ask him about it, he fell asleep.

"Want me to head over to the Down and Dirty?"

Captain - "No, come on back. RedElf needs some help getting gum out of her fur."

Captain Shirley leaves her office to slip unnoticed into the nugget reading room and observe B.T. and Hank for a moment before clearing her throat. The platypus and jackalope jump, startled.

Captain - "Asleep on the job, gentlemen?"

B.T. - "No! We've read through the Health hubs, even voted for our favorites."

Captain - "Well then, Mr. Evilpants, I want you to go over to the Down and Dirty. Find Candy Bubbles and question her. If she doesn't tell you where the nuggets are, bring her in for interrogation."

B.T. - "Hot dog! Can Hank come along?"

Captain - "No. I want Hank to stay here and read through the Books, Literature and Writing hubs with Ripplemaker. There must be some answers in this batch, it's the last one. Ripplemaker is an expert in hub reading, I really want her take and analysis, I've already called her in. This case is too important to cut corners on."

Which one of this week's Books, Literature, and Writing nominees is your favorite?

  • 9% Writing for a purpose
  • 36% Letter to My Sister Who Won't Speak to Me. Still, I Love Her Anyway!
  • 7% Shel Silverstein: A Critique on Where the Sidewalk Ends
  • 34% Sampson Veteran’s Tale – What huge lake are you talking about?
  • 7% Travel Writing - 8 Story Angles Travel Writers Write Travel Articles From
  • 7% 10 Powerful Quotes of Albus Dumbledore
44 people have voted in this poll.

This poll is now closed to voting.

B.T.'s Account

It was my first time in Vegas. It seemed like a pretty place, lots of lights and shiny things. And Candy Bubbles.

While the others were back in the lab looking for clues and evidence, the Captain wanted me to go to that seedy hole in the wall at the end of the Vegas strip. It's called the Down and Dirty and for good reason. Just looking at the outside of the place made me want to go the other way. It had that 'big-burly-biker-guys-will-pull-your-liver-out-with-their-teeth' look and feel to it. The sliver of dirt at the side was decorated in early wino and I wondered if that was Zsuzsy Bee's witness. Taking a deep breath, I decided that meeting Candy Bubbles was worth the risk and stepped through the ancient, battered doorway.

Immediately, I was struck by the smell of the joint. It reeked of cheap beer and testosterone. Smoke hung in clouds over the tables of rough-looking patrons, who all seemed to be staring at me. Hadn't they ever seen a jackalope in a fedora before? , I wondered. I moseyed over to the bar, my senses on high alert in case of trouble. Despite the danger, I was eager to meet Candy Bubbles.

The bar tender told me that Candy would be out in a minute. Sure enough, I'd no sooner ordered a sarsaparilla when the lights went down, music started and the luscious Miss Bubbles appeared on stage.

She was everything a Vegas showgirl should be - beautiful, talented and she knew how to work a crowd. Her routine involved bubbles (isn't that cute 'cause her last name is Bubbles) that seemed to be coming from somewhere above.

Candy has great bubbles. Big. Really big.

I made my way past the sleeping drunks, tattooed soldiers and suited business men on lunch to get to the front of the stage. Suddenly, there I was, standing up close and personal to Miss Candy Bubbles. I was as nervous as a school boy to meet such a celebrity, a real live showgirl whose picture I've seen in some of the mens' finer magazines.

She was even prettier than her photograph and twice as sexy, if that was possible. She had bleach blonde, flowing hair teased high at the top and that bright blue eyeshadow went all the way up to her eyebrows, accentuating those big peepers of hers. Then there were those bubbles and the way she used that pole in her act. Yes, Candy Bubbles was all class. You could tell, just by the way she snapped her gum loudly while staring you straight in the eye. This girl was hot! I had to regain my senses before I started questioning her.

"Miss Bubbles, I'm Officer B.T. Evilpants from HSI. I need to ask you a few questions."

I pulled out my badge. It's regulation but I was also hoping to impress her.

Candy Bubbles popped her gum on a swing around the pole. "I don't talk ta cops."

"Miss Bubbles, could you please turn yourself right side up and talk to me, this is vitally important. If you don't co-operate, I'll have to take you in to have a conversation with my Captain."

Candy rolled her eyes. It might have been because she loves her job as a showgirl so much but I think she really didn't want to talk to me. I say that because she let out a rather vulgar curse word.

"What do you want to know?" Candy asked.

"Our sources tell us that In the early hours of this morning, eighteen nuggets dropped through a portal and fell right into your arms. We want to know where they are."

Candy played one of the giant falling bubbles on the top of an extended finger before answering, "Oh, that! You guys call yourselves detectives?"

"Not really," I had to admit.

A few more swings and slides around the pole and Candy finally spilled the beans, along with the bubbles. "Those things are showing up all over HubPages. Some guy by the name of Hank called looking for them, so I said, sure take 'em off my hands. I mean, what am I gonna do with 'em?" A final snap of that luscious pink bubble gum she was chewing and Candy was trotting off the stage. It was amazing to see how many dollar bills she could carry without using her hands.

Well, I used my badge to get backstage and get an autographed photo of Candy Bubbles. I'll have to keep it aboard ship, if we ever get back there. The missus wouldn't appreciate it hanging around the house.

After that, I placed a call to HSI and let the Captain know that the mystery was solved. Our Wannabe nuggets were right there the whole time. Maybe the fact that Hank found and retrieved them all by himself will soften her view of him.

Driving through the desert as the sun turned the mountains to gold, I couldn't help thinking about Candy Bubbles. I love my job.

More by this Author


Comments 22 comments

dkrainwater profile image

dkrainwater 6 years ago from Sheridan, Wyoming

Sounds like a great time. Great hub, very amusing.


Zsuzsy Bee profile image

Zsuzsy Bee 6 years ago from Ontario/Canada

Help Cap'n the gum is out of RedElfs fur but now it's stuck on me...

Congrats Hubnugeteers great job once again this week. Remember to promote your hubs to your family and friends. They can all vote for your hub even if they're not hubpages members.

great hub Cap'n Shirley


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 6 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Another mystery solved! Yipppeee....on my way to read the Hubnuggets! Cool!


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 6 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

All done Captain Shirley! I had so much fun reading the Hubnuggets and voting as usual was a toughy! Have a great weekend everyone and keep voting for the Hubnuggets!


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

I will never know you manage to put all this together. You are a marvel. Hard to choose. Can I vote for all of them?


lizmoss71 profile image

lizmoss71 6 years ago from Orpington, UK

I am highly honoured to be picked for this! Thank you so much!


RedElf profile image

RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

Thanks for the help Zsuzs - the solvent still stings a bit, but the it worked a treat. Speaking of treats, Captain Shirley, this hub certainly was one - and what a great batch of wannabes - congrats to you all!


K9keystrokes profile image

K9keystrokes 6 years ago from Northern, California

Simply a blast!


Lifeallstar1 profile image

Lifeallstar1 6 years ago

Wow..so many great articles. I think they all should win!!! Great job you guys! Jess


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon

Thanks for putting this all together and Lifeallstart1 is really right - hard to pick one from the categories!


suziecat7 profile image

suziecat7 6 years ago from Asheville, NC

Some good ones here. It was hard to vote. Thanks for the opportunity to meet these writers.


Money Glitch profile image

Money Glitch 6 years ago from Texas

Thanks Shirley for taking us to Vegas to meet this week's nominees. Great job! :)


Katy Oesterling profile image

Katy Oesterling 6 years ago from Australia

Thanks so much for the nomination, and good luck to all the other great hubsters in this list...


The Wizz profile image

The Wizz 6 years ago

Thanks for selecting my travel writing article for the HubNuggets Contest. I am a newcomer to HubPages so it is especially gratifying to be nominated. Congrats to all the writers on so many high quality hubs


Baileybear 6 years ago

thankyou for the nomination of my health article


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 6 years ago from North Carolina

Cute, very cute...and f-u-n-n-e-e! :) Enjoyed!


zzron profile image

zzron 6 years ago from Houston, TX.

Vety nice, I loved it.


sweetie1 profile image

sweetie1 6 years ago from India

beautifuly written blog.. loved reading it.. i am voting it up


drcrischasse profile image

drcrischasse 6 years ago from NH/Foxboro

Too funny, great stuff as usual


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

Thanks, everybody.


bearclawmedia profile image

bearclawmedia 4 years ago from Mining Planet Earth

Still hard at it I can see, good for you. Happy New Year Bearclaw


prasadjain profile image

prasadjain 4 years ago from Tumkur

What an elaborate, informative essay! thumb up for you

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