how do you feel about fostercare, foster children, and foster parents?

1. 60

   waterbottleposted 14 years ago

   i feel as if they need another chance, because most of the time it is not their fault for the position that they are in. so tell me how you all think about this topic... and also would You ever become a foster parent?

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      qwarkposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I was a foster child.
      Parents split at 3yrs old.
      There were 13 kids in the foster home.
      I've never known "blood" family.
      My foster parents were absolutely wonderful. I loved 'em and all my foster bro's and sisters.
      I left foster care at 9 yrs old.
      Grandparents raised me.
      I loved them too.
      Life has been good.
      Both my parents are dead. Both were arseholes.
      I am very happy they didn't raise me.

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      1. 60

         waterbottleposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         yeah... we kind of went through the same thing. i was in foster care when i was 3 years old and then got adopted by my grandparents when i was 10. When i turned 14 i was back in foster care. And both those times it wasnt my fault. I created this forum just to see what people think about fostercare in general.

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   2. 61

      Betty Reidposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I had a co-worker who had moved in with foster parents as a teenager.  It was a huge improvement over life with her step-father.  I don't think I'd do though.

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   3. 70

      nancynurseposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      My husband and I fostered over 20 infants. It was a very rewarding time for us but busy. The hardest part was giving the children up and missing them terribly. We still keep up with our 14 year old foster chld that is with his Aunt I worry a lot about him and pray for him daily.

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   4. 77

      colorfuloneposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I was a foster parent and it was rewarding to have foster children to supervise and love after my own children had grown and left home.  It was also very hard to see them leave, like with my own kids. They were going back to a much better home life and that is what they wanted when it was all said and done.  They continued to stop by to visit and that always touched my heart.  I moved away from that area and don't get to see them now, but we remember each other for birthdays and Christmas.  They will always be in my heart's prayers and they know it.

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2. 0

   JeanMeriamposted 14 years ago

   Your question is not very clear. Who do you feel deserves another chance?

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      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You are kidding right?
      
      As for the OP- yes adoption and foster care is an essential service required for society. However, the foster care and adoption agencies(including the secretive ones) need to clean up their act.
      
      Too much abuse of the system in place and too many irresponsible people using it as a place to dump their child, because they are too immature to handle it.
      
      It is sad, and Yes I wouldn't mind being a foster parent to children.
      
      Just my thoughts. : )

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      1. 0

         JeanMeriamposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I didn't think I was kidding but I'm sick right now so maybe my head is fuzzy.
         
         Who deserves the second chance? I think waterbottle is talking about the bio parents, but they're not mentioned anywhere in the post.

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      2. 0

         JeanMeriamposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Then why aren't you a foster parent?

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   2. 60

      waterbottleposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      i don't know... just whatever you think about foster care.. speak

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      1. 0

         JeanMeriamposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Foster parents are desperately needed, but it's not for everyone because you have to work within the system and the system has some severe issues. It's something you have to completely and entirely do for the kids. You also have to realize that many of the kids are very messed up and it won't be easy.
         
         Why wouldn't the kids deserve a chance? That's where I got hung up on your question and thought maybe you were talking about the parents.
         
         Whether or not the kids are in care because of what they did depends on the age of the kids. Some teens are in care because they just would not live peacefully with their parents.

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            waterbottleposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            but 80-90% of foster kids being in foster care was not their faults. i am defending them(obviously). the kids are traumatized becuase of what they have ben through and act out because they don't know how to show how they feel properly.

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            1. 0

               JeanMeriamposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               I understand it all very well. The truth is that many foster parents start and rapidly quit because they think everything will be great and it's really not easy. The way kids can act out can be surprising to some people. There are people who would be surprised to learn kids swear let alone anything worse.
               
               I can't go into details about it at all really. I can just say the retention rate for foster families is small.

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               1. 62

                  corinnposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                  We adopted our daughter through foster care, and when she came to us, she was seven years old, and separated from several siblings.  We were not told many things about her behavior that caseworkers should've told us, and dealing with those left me emotionally destroyed for a year, however, I knew that if I were suffering that much, and I hadn't been through nearly what she had been through, she must've been struggling so much more.  I needed to be strong for her; every time her bio mom would cancel a visit (a lot), every time she couldn't handle not being able to see her siblings, and every time her bio mom's promises were broken.  We kept going with her, when two previous houses hadn't worked out.  We adopted her when she was eight, and once her bio mom's visits were terminated by the judge, our daughter began to make significant progress.  Her extreme behaviors and aggression are rare now, and she's clearly a happier child, but still gets upset about the sibling separation.  We, however, have managed a friendship with the adoptive parents of her siblings (multiple families), and she gets to see most of them about once every two months, which is rare in the foster care system.  There are SO many problems and loopholes with this system, but the main problem is that the bio parents are given too many chances to get their children back, and still fail, but what about the kids?  Shouldn't they deserve a chance for "reunification" with their separated siblings?  After all, these KIDS were the real parent to their siblings up until the time of foster care placement.  The kids who protected their siblings as a young child should get an award, not a punishment.

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         2. 60

            Jeanice1587posted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Jean I understand why many foster parents drop in and drop out, and yes it is because the kids do act out. But have you ever asked yourself why they act out? The MAJORITY odf children that go to foster care whether as a teen or a child, it is because of abuse or neglect. Children learn what  they must do to survive and acting out to "normal" families is just survival to some fosters.

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      waterbottleposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      the kids that are in foster care

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3. 78

   kirstenblogposted 14 years ago

   I got placed in a therapeutic foster home, was a wonderful place! My foster mom was an amazing woman with a heart as big as anything! To this day even tho I don't know where she is I think about her with so much gratitude, she believed in me when the doctors (supposed profesionals!) had given up on me as incurable! I think she would have liked to kick their butts
   
   Where ever you are Monica, I wish you all the best and I will never forget what you gave me

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4. 71

   AEvansposted 14 years ago

   Absolutely!!! We also adopted our son so I sincerely believe in adopting a child too. All children need someone to love them, protect them and guide them.

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5. 57

   zzronposted 14 years ago

   Yes I am for it.

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6. 67

   Ms Chievousposted 14 years ago

   I worked with troubled children in a residential setting and in foster care for ten years.  My experience is that Foster Care is wonderful.   A lot of times  a foster parent can acomplish things a whole treatment team/court cannot.  Having that theraputic relationship with a child is essential in nuturing growth and healing. The foster parent's role has been so impactful thqat often children will keep in touch with the foster parent long into their adulthood.
   
   Sadly funding for foster care or community programs are going way...

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7. 60

   Ohmaposted 14 years ago

   I do think that there is very much a need for Foster families I also think that they are often put into situations that they should not me in because of some mistakes mad by Children and Youth\Child Welfare  agencies.
   I have written a very detailed Hub on my experience with such an agency and in my case the mistakes made were and continue to be so outrageous that my family is going through H*ll.
   None of this is the foster families fault but they too are caught up in the mess created by inept social workers working within a majorly messed up system.

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      Ohmaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Just a follow up to my story. I just found out that my Granddaughter has been granted a day pass for Easter but guess what she is not with me and she is not with her Dad. This moronic system granted the home pass for her to spend the Holiday with her foster family. These people only had her for about 3 weeks and by their own admission were not able to cope with the things she was dealing with which is why the y requested she be moved from their home so what the F**k is child welfare doing sending her there for the first time she has been away from the treatment facility in 6 months and why not let her come HOME!

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      1. 62

         corinnposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         I don't know what state you live in, but in PA, if the child is 12 or older, he/she has a say on where he/she goes.

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8. 52

   sarahcharleenposted 14 years ago

   I was a foster child but i was in and out in and out my mum couldnt cope then she could then she couldnt you know. Some families were amazing but some were horrible i used to feel like a stranger in their homes they never made me feel welcome and if we were going shopping with their daughter she would get everything better then me shed get a £50 pair of jeans where as id get a £8.00 pair.
   
   I made myself bilimic just so i could stay at home and look after my alcholic, selfish, idiotic, childish mother.

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   1. 59

      catalyst20posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I believe that foster care is a good undertaking.  Foster parents that I know of really care for their adopted children.  They derived a feeling of fulfillment whenever they can help someone.
      
      I have heard of bad foster parents and I believe there must be a few of them.  If ever they flourish and thrive that must be because of irregularities in some governmental regulation.
      
      If I have the means I'd love to become one to those who really are in need of parenting.

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9. 60

   Lady_Eposted 14 years ago

   I think if the Government weren't so "sensitive" we'd have less kids in Foster Care.
   
   ** Example, a child is taken to hospital and happens to have broken bones (probably fell in the playground)in most cases it's reported and the child gets taken away and put into Foster care.
   
   ** Parent Slaps teenager lightly. Teen calls police, before you know it, the kid is taken away from the parents and put in Foster care.
   
   Social services are to quick to jump to conclusions and these poor kids never settle and move from one Foster care to another. I heard on the news this week, for every 6 kids in Foster care, 1 gets abused.
   
   On a positive note, some Foster parents have hearts of Gold but some just do it for the money they get from the Goverment.
   
   Sorry, for long comment - touchy subject as I see what's happening in the UK.

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      Ohmaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I think sadly the same cane be said for the system in the US. These families are often times in it just for the money and that is zero help to these poor kids.

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      1. 0

         JeanMeriamposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I really don't think there are many doing it for the money. Where I live the maintenance is just over $500 per child. That includes all their food, clothes, toys, school stuff, extra gas, water, and other utilities in the house, and transportation. It costs a lot more than that to care for a child. 
         
         Mcdonald's pays way more.

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            Ohmaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            I understand the point but I have known of cases where the had multiple children living on the barest essentials to keep the income coming in.
            Child Welfare is an unmoderated joke and causes more damage than good. They slap these poor kids in a hole some where and then basically ignore the fact that they are not being cared for properly.
            I am not saying that foster care is all bad but some are and the real problem is the organization that is supposed to monitor it is in serious need of reform.

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         2. 62

            corinnposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Our check didn't even cover our specialized babysitter for the month.  We are the good foster parents, doing it for the right reasons, but sadly, there are crappy people out there, who collect the check, and do not provide for the child's needs, and that gives the rest of us a bad name.

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         amanda plus 3posted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I agree my in laws did foster care an they did it for the write reason they lived in a small house an had a simple live. All the foster kids they have had still keep in touch. Then there are people we know who are foster parents an as soon as they start they both quit there jobs bought a $300,00 house an two new cars. I said to them I thought they were only doing it for the money an to have some else do there jobs like I have seen the kids mowe, paint the house pick rocks put of the yard to name a few. An they say the don't do it for the money. So I think you have your good foster parents. Who do it for the write reason. Then you got the ones who do it for the money.

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10. 0

    Lecieposted 14 years ago

    i went to school with a kid that was in fostercare. whenever he would get beat up his foster dad would beat him worse for being a wimp. i feel that sometimes a foster home can be worse than your original home. i would love to adopt kids if only i had a house big enough. my heart sure is. i still remember helping that guy out of some fights so that his foster dad wouldn't beat him again. i lost contact with him after high school. i sure hope he's doing better these days.

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11. 60

    Ohmaposted 14 years ago

    Lecie that is really sad that that was happening to your friend. It was nice that you were able to help him out and like you I hope he is doing better now.

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12. 38

    Spacey Graceyposted 14 years ago

    I agree with Lady_E - its pretty frightening if medical staff begin to point the finger at you. It happened once with my first child because he had 2 head injuries in a short space if time, and another time because my second child kept getting really ill, and I was asked if I was doing it for attention. They were totally wrong on both counts and now the medical notes reflect that. But really frustratingly we stayed on a children's ward recently where a mum was literally throwing her 7 month old daughter in anger into her cot, and was not washing out her bottle, letting her drink really old milk (4 hours old!) - but when we reported it to nurses they said there was nothing they could do - I just wanted to taker her home with me, but obviously couldn't do that.
    
    In the future I would love to do short-term foster care for babies, or long term care for an older sibling group. I would love those who quit foster care to be more open about their reasons - I want to hear all the horror stories so I have plenty of opportunity to prepare myself.

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13. 61

    DominiquedeBruinposted 13 years ago

    Becoming a foster parent must be a rewarding experience. The hardship those children go through is unbelievable and I cannot imagine the emotional distress they go through. It's nice to know there are caring individuals out there willing to help. When I'm ready, I would be honored to become a foster parent.

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14. 61

    Disturbiaposted 13 years ago

    I have only one thing to say about foster care. I did not thrive in foster care and I ran away at every possible opportunity. Finally I ran away for good. I chose living in the streets over living in foster care.

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       corinnposted 7 years agoin reply to this

       I'm sorry that your life turned out that way.  Do you think any of your foster families may have turned out if you hadn't run away?  I realize there are bad people/foster families out there, but there are also some excellent ones, and I promise, we strived to be those excellent ones for our daughter, who entered our lives through foster care.  I hope you are now off the streets, and if you are not, I hope you find a way to get off the streets.  You will be in my prayers.

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15. 83

    wychicposted 13 years ago

    My husband was in the foster care system for quite a few years through absolutely no fault of his own...his grandparents took him in as a baby when they were both in their 90s, and after his grandfather died at 106 there was nowhere else for him to go since a very large, extended biological family decided not to take him in. Going from a loving, nurturing home into the foster care system did not go over well with him and he ran away from quite a few bad ones, but stayed as soon as they put him in a good home where they eventually adopted him.
    
    As for whether or not I would be a foster parent...yes, I most definitely would. My husband and I have discussed adoption versus foster care at length, and have finally decided that once we are in a permanent place we would like to foster. He has been through a lot in his life and understands much of where these kids are coming from, and I bring my own experiences with me and a schedule that puts my family before everything else.

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       Home Girlposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I could never be a foster parent myself - would be scared to hurt the child somehow, it is such a responsibility and I admire people who can do that. But if your parents cannot take care of you and your relatives do not want you - where else you can go?  On a street? Foster home, good or bad is a necessary solution. it's a good thing, if your country have it. You might get lucky and have good foster parents, who knows.

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16. 60

    SpanStarposted 13 years ago

    What bothers me most about the foster care system is the system itself. What I mean by this is the system seems to take no blame for the actions it implement. A number of foster care children later on in life come on TV programs and talk about the horror the they experienced living under that system. The system from some incidents in fact seem to not even require proof for action to be taken, a simple complaint will start the ball rolling and just like a giant steam roller it doesn't stop or rhyme or reason. Several years later when the complaint was proven only to be malicious the child is nearly an adult they are allowed to return to their parents. No apologies from foster care system they would simply doing their job.

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    whyknotposted 13 years ago

    Unfortunately we need foster care. Fortunately we have foster care. Thank you to all those families that do open their homes to the youth of today.

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       corinnposted 7 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you.

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    mikelongposted 13 years ago

    For all the youth in the foster system, there are actually many more who should be taken out of their homes who aren't.
    
    I work as a tutor and mentor for foster youth in the North San Fernando Valley and Santa Clarita.
    
    I am the only tutor for my program for this entire section. There are over 500 youth in the N. S.F.V. who qualify and need my organization's services, but we don't have the funding or manpower to take care of them. Additionally, social workers have huge caseloads (not many people go into social services as other fields).
    
    A compounding factor is this.
    
    While I live in the North S.F. Valley most of the youth I work with are a 45 minute traffic laden drive up the valley wall in Santa Clarita...
    
    The youth get referred to my program via their transitional coordinators. There is one in Santa Clarita, and another for the North Valley.
    
    The guy in the North Valley is on the verge of retirement, and does very litte work...hence I have only a couple youth here. Yet, the woman in Santa Clarita has her career ahead of her, and she works very hard....which is why I am constantly inundated with youth from up there..
    
    I love doing it...but it is hell on my car, and a late night coming in...I don't get home typically until almost 9:30 at night, and sometimes I still have private tutoring sessions to go to.
    
    Our governor in California just announced major cutbacks in social programs, and foster youth will be part of it.... There is corruption in the system, but the youth and caregivers will be the ones to suffer...  and heavier caseloads for older and fewer social workers does not bode well for the future...
    
    I and a few others have our fingers plugging the leaking dam...but it will not hold out without serious reprioritizing of purpose and funding...

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       wychicposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       That's a good point, social workers certainly don't get paid enough for all the hard work they do so not too many people go into it. I come from a small town and unfortunately of the few social workers in the area, most seem to try to do as little work as possible while a couple of truly caring individuals try to shoulder as much load as possible...the result is that generally anyone with a concern is put off as much as possible, and DFS here refuses to listen to anyone even remotely connected to the kids in question, especially if there has been a divorce or similar occurrence recently and family and friends from both sides are still around because "It's not a real concern, it's just spite." I've always wondered if the people close to a child aren't listened to when there's something wrong, then who exactly is supposed to call attention to bad situations?
       
       As with any system, not all foster homes are good...though it seems that in recent years greater measures have been taken to try to weed out the bad ones and keep people who really want to help the kids and will do everything they can toward that end.

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19. 60

    Bill Millerposted 13 years ago

    I like Foster Brooks.

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20. 82

    Rafiniposted 13 years ago

    I think the foster care system needs an overhaul - like just about everything in this country and/or world of ours.
    
    Some foster parents should never be allowed around children.  Others should be allowed to take a few more.
    
    Some foster children grow into wonderful adults.  Some need more assistance than the system can or will provide.
    
    Those who decide to remove a child from loving parents due to said parents not being perfect need to accept the fact that no-one is perfect - Perhaps some support or parenting classes would suffice?

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21. 67

    torimariposted 13 years ago

    I don't know much (yet) about adoption agencies and fosters, but if one day I do want a child I'd love to adopt rather than bring another life into an overpopulating world.
    
    Especially if the foster care system is bad as some people are saying, in a way, I'd like to 'rescue' a child in need and already in existence.
    
    But, not for another 10-15 years, hahah. xD

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       Mishaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hey Tori, would you adopt me, please?

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