The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #19

June 7, 2011 - Highs and Lows

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 19 in the series.

Michelle: [ Watching TV as Barack walks into the White House kitchen] What is with you men and these online affairs? Sending photos in emails and tweeting stuff! What is up with you men?

Barack: Well, good morning and how are you?

Michelle: Fine. Sorry.

Barack: What is the issue now?

Michelle: You men and these affairs! I'm watching the latest on Tony Wiener tweeting his wiener and other body parts. That is so low. Men!

Barack: Well, Michelle...

Michelle: He isn't the only one! Do I need to name others? That Republican - Christopher Lee, Eliot Spitzer, Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Arnold Schwarzenegger! And now Weiner. Should I continue? They all must have been high!

Barack: Michelle, if a white person were to say that all black people eat watermelon and drink grape pop, would you accept that?

Michelle: Of course not! I know black people that don't even like watermelon, let alone grape pop.

Barack: And not all men are having affairs, nor do we like to be connected to such activity, just because some have done so.

Michelle: Well...

Barack: And one thing that always confounds me when "men" are caught up in these "affairs." Not all, but many women are quick to denounce these men, but conveniently forget that they were having affairs with "women." These "other women" are not victims and the women that portray them as such need to stop the B.S.

Michelle: I meant that...

Barack: I know what you meant. But women are not second class citizens in this society. Women have the ability to be as conniving and deceitful as men, if not more. And many women are having affairs as well. Where is all the outrage against the "other woman." Or do they get a pass? It's unfair, Michelle!

Michelle: Alright. You made your point. Look at Wiener on TV [Michelle points to news report]. Every time I think about him, Oscar Mayer Wieners come to mind. Ha ha ha!

Barack: Ha ha ha!! I know Tony well. Seriously though, I feel for him.

Michelle: He must be feeling pretty low. He looks sick.

Barack: It's just indigestion. It comes from eating his own words.

Michelle: Well, YOUR face doesn't look all that pleasant this morning. Could it be the jobs report that came out?

Barack: No!

Michelle: How about the low ratings on the economy that just came out? You're back to where you were before Osama was killed.

Barack: No!

Michelle: Oh? What about all the economic advisers that have left the administration within months of one another - Goolsbee, Bernstein, Rouse, Volcker, Summers, Romer, Orszag.

Barack: Michelle...

Michelle: So, you aren't singing "Another One Bites the Dust" this morning, huh?

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Barack: Silence is golden, Michelle!

Michelle: You'd better start mixing toothpaste with your shampoo! You're getting a cavity in your brain!

Barack: I don't see the point in...

Michelle: Well, you should trade those eyes that see not for some lips that swell not! [One hand on hip, while shaking a fist in Barack's face, playfully]

Barack: Michelle, I am just trying to figure out how to move forward. We have some real challenges ahead.

Michelle: Unemployment is high! You've got to get people back to work and small businesses need to open. Americans of all stripes have to work together.

Barack: True.

Michelle: Just think - if a Mexican and a black open a restaurant they can call it Nacho Momma! Yeah, instead of chicken tacos, how about fried chicken and tacos? Or you can substitute black eye peas for frijoles negros, tortillas, chitlin's and watermelon fruit salad. With a side of green salsa!

Barack: Michelle!

Michelle: Hey, whatever it takes to get the economy moving! You should hire federal traffic agents to patrol the Mexican border and the major cities.

Barack: How would that help?

Michelle: See, when Mexicans finally get their cars started, they gotta get where there going real fast before their car stalls again! Traffic tickets equals revenue!

Barack: Michelle! That's awful!

Michelle: Or you could come up with an amendment to the Constitution legalizing cocaine.

Barack: What?

Michelle: Yeah, dummy. Then you can tax it. I guarantee it will get the economy moving. In the black communities, you can set it up like a fast food joint! Yeah, call it "Crack in the Box." People will be lined up! Ha ha ha!!

Barack: Michelle! The Secret Service is near!

Michelle: So what? Since this is a capitalist nation - until you make it a socialist nation - you need to spark competition. Across the street from "Crack in the Box" have a "CrackDonalds!" Yeah! Have a sign on it "Over 20 Billion Served!"

Barack: Oh, so you only want to spark the economy off the backs of the urban poor, huh?

Michelle: No! They already have them in the white, rural communities - "Cracker Barrel!" White folks sit at a huge table and pass the crack pipe around, along with the homemade beef stew and cole slaw - with corn muffins, of course!

Barack: Oh, God!

Michelle: And for the wealthier areas, I say a federal joint venture with Starbucks. The upper class snobs can have a "Mocha Crackuccino" as they nibble on their pastries and drive off in their BMW's.

Barack: From the sublime to the ridiculous!

Michelle: Just like your latest approval ratings.

Barack: What is that supposed to mean?

Michelle: The nation might as well be high - on somethin', because you are at a new low. Want a hit?

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time!

Copyright 2011 - Dexter Yarbrough


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Comments 53 comments

Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

This is absolutely hysterical. I have to go through the rest of them. You, my friend, are a seriously talented man. :-)


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

I am rolling right now...you are one funny man Dexter...Thank you for sharing your wonderful sense of humor. ..This seems like it should go somewhere beside hub..Just sayin!

Have a great night,

Sunnie


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Thank you so much for your kind words, Mo! I hope you enjoy the others in the series! YOU are the talented one!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sunnie Day! Thanks for brightening the day! Laughter and humor keeps me from crying sometimes. And thank YOU. I enjoy writing this series and seeing the fun others get out of it.

See you soon!


caltex profile image

caltex 5 years ago

Dexter, I was laughing all the way!

I agree with both Sunnie and M2C. I know eventually someone will catch on and take you away from HP for a very lucrative spot. (I wish I had the money to make you an offer you cannot refuse for these series! LOL!) It is bound to happen, and when it does, I trust you would let us know where to find to you.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Caltex, I really appreciate your kind and generous remarks. I enjoy bringing some humor into the lives of those of us at HP. Thanks for reading!


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

Humor is always welcome here, Dexter. We writers tend to take ourselves way too seriously, you know. ;-) Peace, my friend!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Crack in the Box?

LOL!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Will! Yeah, my latest installment! I had fun with it!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

It's brilliant work, Dex!


Terri Meredith profile image

Terri Meredith 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

As usual, you .....crack me up!!!!


dallasnicole profile image

dallasnicole 5 years ago from Maryland

I really like this! Very creative Dexter...


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Terri. Thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Dallas! I am so glad you like it!


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

Thank you for making me a fly on the wall. At last we get some real insight into the lives of the "perfect" couple. You rock! Up and funny, very funny.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Pop! Welcome back! Thank you so much. You were missed!


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

Thanks Dexter, I missed you too!


Sueswan 5 years ago

Hi Dexter :-)

I think Obama should hire you to be part of his administration. I think much more can be accomplished through humor and you have loads of it.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

In real life, does Michelle really talk so much? I like the photo of her by the way. She looks pissed!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sueswan! Thank you. I'm not sure if I would brighten up his days or not! lol


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Cardisa! Michelle is one to speak her mind and share her thoughts. Whether you agree with her or not!


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

..I am just jumping right in here - and I must say it again - this is one of the best Hub series ever ......so brilliant and so well conceived - this could run on You Tube or HBO as a tv show -slash - reality show - as played by actors .......


iZeko profile image

iZeko 5 years ago

Michelle is full of brilliant ideas, LOL! Love the hub!


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

Gotta jump in too....epi, I so agree with you. Dexter could EASILY become an overnight Internet success if he threw this stuff onto You Tube.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Epi! Thanks so much for your kind remarks. I wouldn't know where to begin with actors and such. Hopefully, you will keep reading and enjoying!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, Izeko! Yes, Michelle is a piece of work!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Mo! Thank you! Like I mentioned to Epi, above, I would not know where to begin with Youtube, etc. Hopefully you will keep enjoying it here at HP!


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

I think "piece of work" is an apt description for any wife named Michelle (or Michele) ;-) At least, my husband would say so.

Dexter, you could do slide shows of great pictures and have your conversations set to appropriate music for the soundtrack. It would be awesome!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Mo! How about this, I will come up with something in a few weeks and see if you like it? Ok?


BeautifulNatural profile image

BeautifulNatural 5 years ago

I am in tears...this is hilarious! You are an excellent writer. Lol


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi BeautifulNatural! Thank you so much!


Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

Jo_Goldsmith11 5 years ago

really cool! I love this! I will have to go and take a look see on your other ones about Michelle and Barack. really nice work..LOL


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Thank you, Jo!


Ghost32 5 years ago

Dang! My information is way off. Here I thought it was watermelon and red Kool-Aid!

Sick from eating his own words...yeah. There ought to be a WHOLE lot of indigestion going on in the Oval Office on Election Day 2012....

LOVE that Chilean Mine Rescue Team graphic....

Crack in the box! Oh, man....

Up and the bunch!


dahoglund profile image

dahoglund 5 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

Good satire.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Ghost! Thanks a million!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Thank you, Dahoglund!


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

D.

Colin sent me over here, and I'm glad he did. Good stuff my man! I'll be reading the others later today and as time permits. I'm now a follower!

jim


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, TMWNP! Epi mentioned that we should get in touch with one another! I hope you enjoy the rest! I am a follower as well! Thanks again!


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

You bet bud. I guess you could say I'm passionate about my "No Pants" politics. Fanatic, weirdo, nut job, are some other words that come to mind also. (laughing)

jim


Ldrtchbrd profile image

Ldrtchbrd 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

Crack in the box - LOL! Although, you never know... Joints R Us may be a reality in the not too distant future! :)


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Ldrtchbrd! You are right! And I like Joints R Us!


john.maco profile image

john.maco 5 years ago

Just saw it on traffup.net. You are amazing Dexter and I look forward to reading your other articles.


john.maco profile image

john.maco 5 years ago

Just saw it on traffup.net. You are amazing Dexter and I look forward to reading your other articles.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, John! I appreciate your comments and checking this out!


JamieDoyle profile image

JamieDoyle 5 years ago

oh dear, my sides are aching from teh laughter

good job


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Thank you, Jamie! I hope you get to check out the others.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

This is soo funny. I love President Obama, a little humor is good for the soul. Epi sent me over here and i'm glad he did. You're a GREAT satire writer.

Cheers


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Always Exploring! Thank you so much for the kind words!


iZeko profile image

iZeko 5 years ago

You crack me up, as usual. Maybe you should apply for a job in Obama’s administration ;-)))

Where is the “hilarious” button?


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi iZeko! Thanks so much!!! My aim is to make people laugh!


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

Hi Dexter,

I caqn't believe that I haven't read these until now,and starting on the 19th is a true picture of how I usually do things.

I start in the middle or start at the end=lol-

However I am going back to the very beginning now and I know I am going to enjoyu them !! You are so funny Dexter and that combined with your obvious talent can only be a recipe for good things to come.

I vote up and up to the top here.

Take care my friend,

Eiddwen.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Eiddwen! Your words mean a great deal to me. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the series.

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