My best friend is drifting away from me and I REALLY do not want to lose her. Wh

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   thejourney2posted 13 years ago

   My best friend is drifting away from me and I REALLY do not want to lose her. What do I do?
   
   Okay, mostly it is because of drama between her boyfriend "Adam" and I. Her boyfriend hates me for no reason that he will reveal to anyone, and when I confront him about it he simply says "sorry I will be nicer" but he won't. But anyway "Katy" HATES when we fight and she get so upset that Adam and I will make up briefly, but he always manages to ruin it with a snide comment. The thing is, he's only mean to ME, not to anyone else! And Katy says she totally understands my point of view, but I feel like she's been avoiding me lately. she really is a true friend and I cant lose her.What do I do??

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   Mikeydoesposted 13 years ago

   Sounds to me like you need to do is find a new best friend. Girls get new bffs all the time. When she breaks up with him, be her friend again, just tell her you can't stand the dude. You'll hang out when he's not around, but you don't need to spend every waking hour with her. Tell her the truth. And leave it at that, nothing else really to fight about.

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   duffsmomposted 13 years ago

   A couple of things jump out from your commentary.  It takes two to argue, and if you refuse to get drawn in, and comment or rise to his bait--there won't be a fight--and if you stay calm and refuse to fight--he's going to look rather foolish.  Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?
   
   Secondly, it sounds as if he is jealous of Kate's feelings for you.  That makes him rather immature but you can't really do anything about it but be a supportive friend.  If you run Adam down to Katy, she will resent you.
   
   Tell her once, from the heart, how you feel--don't want to lose her, she's drifting away, etc. and then let it go.  See if she is up for a girl's night or day once a week or every other week when just the two of you can spend time together and she can be reminded what a great friend you are.
   
   Most importantly, as I said--remember it takes two to argue, and I know it takes a lot of willpower to not to jump in but you can do it.  Be the level-headed mature one.

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   outlawsphinxposted 13 years ago

   I do agree with duffsmom about not rising to the baiting. It's bleeping hard I know.
   I do have to point out that while you see her as a true friend, perhaps she doesn't view you as a true friend?  Just my personal opinion, mind you. I have 2 really close friends and never once would I allow anyone that I was dating be rude or mean to them.
   I know she's upset when you fight but apparently not upset enough to set her boyfriend straight. It could be that the boyfriend doesn't like that you're closer to her than he is. Women have different relationships with their friends than men do (in my opinion) Either way, Duffsmom really did offer the best advice. If you don't respond to the baiting, then the fighting cannot occur.
   Second, try making plans with her that do not include her boyfriend. We do want to include our significant others in our social lives but you also do have to have some singularity in your social lives. If she can't go out without him, then you are just going to have to deal with him if you want to be around her.

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