Can a man to spend 98% of his waking hours with another woman, yet still be true

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   landscapeartistposted 11 years ago

   Can a man to spend 98% of his waking hours with another woman, yet still be true to his marriage?
   
   Typical 24 hour day in the life of my son-in-law > 4 hrs delivering paper, 4 hrs sleep; 30 min talking to female friend on facebook;  4 hrs with female friend teaching her driving lessons; 30 min home to shower + change; 6 hrs p/u female friend (go for coffee); 30 min talking to female friend on facebook; 4 hrs of sleep; 30 min to get ready for work
   He says there is nothing going on with him and this woman.  If anyone implies anything or voices out loud their opinion, he told her he is leaving her.  If he is forced to choose, than he stated he will choose the woman over his family.

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   sethpowersposted 11 years ago

   I’m not sure what you are asking (also not sure where you got such a high percentage based on your description), but I’ll take a stab. Assuming you mean true in the sense of fidelity, then yes it is possible for a man (or woman for that matter) to remain true to his marriage even though he is spending a considerable amount of time with a member of the opposite sex. This would take a very moral and upstanding individual, which, by the sound of it, is not your son-in-law.
   
   If you are referring to true in the sense of being a respectable husband, then my general answer would be no. However, it all depends on the agreement between the husband and wife in regard to their relationship. Obviously, your daughter is not satisfied with the situation (because if she was, there wouldn’t be an issue, and you wouldn’t be asking the question), which means that your son-in-law is breaking his obligation to fulfill his wife’s need for respect.
   
   Another disturbing fact is your son-in-law’s lack of compassion and empathy for the feelings of his wife. He demonstrated this by offering an ultimatum and refusal to stop seeing the woman. This transgression is probably worse than the way he chooses to allocate his time.

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      landscapeartistposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Sorry, I should have also mentioned that when he works, it's for himself and she is with him.  When he is on facebook, it is to talk to her.  In his mind, he is with her not at home with his wife and kids.

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   peeplesposted 11 years ago

   Talk some sense into your daughter. She needs to move on. Family should always be a priority in any relationship. If he can't even communicate then what's the point being with him. With out communication her life will be miserable. She needs to figure that out sooner than later. The problem here lies not with him being with the other woman but his lack of caring for what his wife wants and needs.

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      landscapeartistposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      She is so inlove with him that she is willing to forgive him if he agrees to stop this behavior. she has asked everyone to please not say anything regarding this situation.  Both her Nan and myself have tried to talk to her.

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   LikaMarieposted 11 years ago

   Well, even if your daughter would forgive him and take him back, I think it's time to set your son in law down for a heart to heart talk.  He is obviously more tied to this other woman than his family, which involves more than just his wife, who is your daughter.
   
   I must say, when he spends 10 hours a day in person to do driving lessons & coffee, and then 1 hour on facebook daily, there is something going on in France that the citizens don't know about.
   
   Please tell him to do your daughter a favor and let her loose, and even if she is heart broke now, it's better now than later for damage control purposes.  So, if he really is truly a reasonable person and an honorable man, he will either pay attention to his wife or get a divorce to free her from further pain in magnitude and in wideness.
   
   Since he's said that he's leaving her, then he must do it, or he is a coward unworthy of love, life and happiness.

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      landscapeartistposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I totally agree with you.  I have tried to be there for my daughter but I feel so lost.  I can't help her to fix it.  I wish I could take away the pain and sorrow she is feeling.  I can only let her know that I am here for her and always will be.

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      LikaMarieposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I think as a parent, we would like to be the savior of this type of disappointment, 'cuz it's so devastating. It's not like we came in 2nd, and didn't make it to the Olympics. This is real life, and is so much more important. I'm sorry this happened.

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   landscapeartistposted 11 years ago

   This girl is now boyfriendless, & spends all her time with my son-in-law.  they say they are just friends but they hold hands, he serenades her, they sit so close together that she is practically on his lap.  he takes her on family campouts, and she sleeps in the trailer with him; while his wife has to sleep in the tent with the baby.
   She wears little babydoll outfits around him and skimpy tight form fitting dresses that show your ass to go for hikes with him.

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      LikaMarieposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I'm very sorry.  If I could be there to help you, I would.  I hope someone talks, or rather knocks, sense into him.

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      landscapeartistposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      what really hits home with this is that I went through all of theis with her dad.  I stayed for years until I couldnt take it anymore.  I finally gave up trying to hang on and walked away.  I really wish she didn't take after me for that.

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