Question for men and women

1. 79

   schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years ago

   Is it possible for a person, in my case I'm talking about a guy I know- to be incapable of falling in love and why.
   
   Do you feel it's to be looked down upon if a person cannot show love to another in a relationship or pretends to be in love and what would the signs of that be?
   
   Thankyou

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   1. 64

      kmackey32posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You just havnt found the right one yet....

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      1. 79

         schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I have a lot of bad luck to put it simply

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   2. 62

      Greek Oneposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      in your case a man?

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      1. 79

         schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I meant I'm female and I'm talking about a man I know

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   3. 69

      Cagsilposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Incapable? No. Everyone is capable of falling in love.
      You've asked three separate questions?
      
      Do you feel it's to be looked down upon if a person cannot show love to another in a relationship? No one should be looked down upon, because they are not showing love in a relationship. A relationship requires many things to make love appear.
      
      Do you feel it's to be looked down upon if a person pretends to be in love? No one should have to pretend to be in love.
      
      What would the signs of that be?(this question could apply to both questions asked above) Lack of trust, lack of love in actions are the most common.

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   4. 82

      vox vocisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I believe that some people are incapable of falling in love or loving someone at all. Why? Different reasons...having been hurt in the past, or being in depression because of life failures, for example

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      1. 79

         schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Just curious, do womanizers fall in love, prob a dumb question....I bet they do

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         1. 71

            galleryofgraceposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Womanizers mistake lust for love.

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            1. 60

               Dave Mathewsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Lust is purely a physical attraction, hunger or desire. It has nothing to do with "LOVE"

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         2. 82

            vox vocisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            @schoolgirlforreal: "...do womanizers fall in love..." You bet they do, every day with someone else! Falling in love and loving someone for real are two very different things...

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   5. 59

      WrittenWoman91posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Depending on the mental state and emotional maturity of the subject, the capability to experience love or similar emotions is quite possibly out of their reach. Someone who has sociopathic tendencies could easily fall into the pattern of thinking they're in love, while in reality they don't even understand the concept. There's a lot to be considered in that question, but assuming there are no chemical imbalances, vitamin deficiencies, mental disturbances or otherwise, love isn't something you can NOT have the capability to experience. It's possible that you don't experience it, but the capability is always there. It just depends on the target. Love isn't something easily controlled or that SHOULD be controlled, either. Not falling in love could be a basic immaturity or the lack of a desire to fall in love in these circumstances. Or a fear of falling in love.
      
      As for whether or not it should be looked down upon -- everyone is different. That's not a reason to condemn them. I think if you're unfortunate enough to be in that situation to begin with, the worst a person should do is pity you. Though, if you lead someone on under the pretense of being in love, then THAT is condemnable. In my opinion, anyways. But most scenarios would have a clause where they could redeem themselves even in that situation.
      
      As for signs -- if your partner doesn't treat you as an equal, as someone important to a higher degree than regular friends, if they aren't willing to fight to keep the relationship healthy and going, if they avoid questions or conversational topics, or disappear from contact for a while... etc, etc, etc... there are a lot of actions that COULD be signs, but aren't necessarily signs. Sometimes there are no signs, and sometimes insecurity or uncertainty can cause similar actions. Don't jump to conclusions. The best way to handle a situation like this is to confront the person in a polite, non-hostile manner and discuss until the both of you can get to the bottom of the issue. Shouting and blaming doesn't help anyone.
      
      Of course, this is all simply in my opinion, but as a girl who's been with a stalker, an online partner, a closet homosexual, and a guy who never felt anything for her, I can say love is a severely complicated issue. Communication is the best way to work out whatever the problem is.

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   6. 60

      Reggie Gposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      schoolgirlforreal: Love has as many definitions as there are people who find themselves in the center of it. Loving someone & being in love doesn't always run parallel courses. Is it possible that the gentleman in question isn't "loving you"  (or isn't capable of responding) in a manner that you can recognize &/or accept?
      
      I guess the big question would be: How do you define love? Love changes & revolves as we age. What I thought was "love" @ age 25 isn't the same when I was 40. Nor is it the same now that I'm in my 60's.

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   7. 60

      Dave Mathewsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      schoolgirl:  Think of it this way.  There is a huge difference between "Being in Love" with someone and loving someone.
      
      Speaking as a man, It is easy for me to love many different people including women. But: Being in love, requires a degree of committment both to the person and to the relationship.
      
      I may be afraid of committment, therefore I would have a fear of being "In Love" BUT that does not prevent me from loving that person.
      
      Get my point?

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      1. 79

         schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         yes thankyou the person i was thinking about well it's over anyways but yes I understand though being in love does not always guaranteee someone being kind but truly loving someone does, does that makes sense? Hmm love is showing someone kindness, true love that is right?

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2. 77

   stclairjackposted 12 years ago

   ok,... from personal experience,.. here we go,...
   
   love is not something i fall into,... i've fallen into holes, horse shit, and messes,... only once did i fall into love,... it was just as difficult as the hole, and less messy than the horse shit,... in the end i still have a BFF that gets me when no one else does,...
   
   no,... for me,... love is a decision,... i decided to love my first husband of 14 year until he decided he didnt want me to any more,.. and per his request,... i stopped.
   
   i decided to love my second husband until he made it so difficult and emotionaly draining i HAD to stop... or kill him,.. and out of love,... i ddnt kill him. ;-)
   
   and i love the man i'm with now,.. because he lets me,... and he loves me back.
   
   as far as displaying love or showing love,... it may just be that you need love demonstrated in ways that your man in question is incapable of or uncomfortable with,.... flowers and roses are just not some mens style,... and some are more than capable of rings and prose, but not so great at truly thinking outside themselves to care about you in the small ways that will out last he chocolates.

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3. 60

   Woman Of Courageposted 12 years ago

   Schoolgirl, He could be afraid of getting hurt.

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4. 60

   mickaa2001posted 12 years ago

   they hurt women because they are hurting... yes they do fall in love. but trust and believe they are never happy.

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5. 60

   Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years ago

   Schoolgirl, it seems you are having trouble allowing yourself to be loved. First be happy with yourself. I know getting over past experience is hard but, if u love the man then stop holding back. And if u dont love him, then dont pretend. I stopped pretending to have no feelings for someone. Im still not with her and may never be, but happier in a mode where I am honest with myself.

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