Beautiful words, with no commitment.

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   MissA2011posted 12 years ago

   I know this message is lengthy, but I wanted to be as detailed as possible.
   
   We have known each other for more than 3 years and lived together for more than 18 months, but in June I asked him to move out because he could not commit to a real relationship; it was a battle to do anything as couple (unless it was his idea) and our lives were not blending together (most of the time it felt like we were best friends with benefits).
   
   He did not want to leave in June, but after a whole lot of tears from both of us...he did.
   
   From June until October we saw each other once or twice a week hoping to save our friendship (making an effort not to become friends with benefits...we failed a few times) and we spoke on the phone at least 5 times a week. 
   
   At the beginning of October I decided it was time to take a break from seeing each other and to also stop talking every day, because I could not move on due to his constant mixed signals.
   
   Even though I have asked him to give me the space I need to move on, he has continued to be the same guy he has always been. 
   
   From the first day we met to today, no matter where we have been in our relationship status, I have heard the most beautiful and complimentary words.  I hear how much he loves me and how life would be nothing without me.  I also frequently get emailed poems, sweet and clever texts and links that send me to something he knows I will like; a song, video, article, picture, etc.
   
   By his words and his wooing me through technology, he is madly in love with me and there is no other woman for him.
   
   By his actions and excuses, he will not make a commitment, and if he ever would, it would only be when he is ready.
   
   He is my best friend and I am still in love with him, but the mixed signals are ridiculous.  I am frustrated and annoyed; because our compatibility is wonderful in every area, other than our views on commitment...we both say we can imagine growing old together - still laughing together at 80.   
   
   Even though I have made it clear I will not wait for him, he seems to keep believing I will, and the beautiful words continue.
   
   Am I in the wrong?
   Is there something I am missing?
   Did my impatience get the better of me?

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      proactrdvposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Maybe you should ask yourself if you are really serious about commitment. If you and he have taken the time to really discuss what it is each of you wants but keep coming to an impass and can ony reach a stalmate and you still love him, maybe you are just as uncommited as he is. You cannot be serious if you continue to hold on to him and not move on after you say that is what you want. Are you truly committed or not? If so what are you doing about it? Seems to me you are sending mixed signals just like you say he is doing.

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         Hollie Thomasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Maybe you also need to define what you mean by "commitment" It appears he had made some commitment by moving in with you. Were the problems really about commitment, or some problems within the relationship that you found unacceptable, for example not doing many things together as a couple.  He may also feel that you have given mixed messages by asking him to move out, and then suggesting that he is the one unable to commit.
         
         You say that you wanted to maintain the friendship, but how many friends talk five nights on the phone. It seems like you were both afraid to let go. Maybe when you are absolutely certain of what you want from this relationship, friendship or commitment? You'll be able to lay your cards on the table. Either way,  you'll both have the opportunity to work on it, if you both want to, or move on.

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