I dont know if I should forgive him or move on!

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   manda27posted 13 years ago

   I dont know if I should forgive him or move on!
   
   Okay so here it goes. me & my boyfriend have been together for 3 yrs. throughout the first 2 years of our relationship I did alot of stuff to him. cheating on him, getting drunk and calling him names. I put him through a lot. well our relationship got %100 better. in the last 4 months of our relationship he started to become really distant. we broke up because I got tired of him letting me down & standing me up. we recently got back together. well I recently just found out that all those months he was indeed seeing somebody behind my back. he says he sorry and wants to start over.

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2. 61

   TheBlondieposted 13 years ago

   Don't get back with him! The trouble you've had with him for the past several years is proof that if you continued the relationship, the negatives would outweigh the positives. If you've both cheated on each other, then you obviously aren't meant to be together. Find a guy that will love you for who you are, and won't lie and cheat behind your back.

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3. 79

   J.S.Matthewposted 13 years ago

   I was in a similar situation some years back. I was with a girl who cheated and did the same things that you mentioned in the question above. She changed for the better and eventually, like in your case, the tables turned and I became a jerk.
   
   A long story short, looking back I don't think that I ever truly forgave her and that was why I did what I did later on.
   
   My advice:
   Take this as a lesson learned and move on. Start fresh with someone new (not right away-take some time and don't "look" for it) and you may find that you will be in a situation that is great!
   
   If you would like to hear more about my story, check out my related Hub:
   
   http://hubpages.com/hub/I-Am-So-In-Love-With-My-Wife
   
   I hope that this helps! Good luck!
   
   JSMatthew~

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4. 82

   Lady MJposted 13 years ago

   I honestly can't say that I blame him for wanting to see someone else in those short few months if you were mentally abusing him for the first two years. I can understand that it may have appeared to get better, but maybe he never forgave you for what you did to him.  Therefore; he was searching to fill the void of what we wanted from you and found it somewhere else a little later than expected.
   
   If you are both cheating in just the first 3 years I'd say stop wasting time and find someone that won't provoke you to have so much distrust, anger and vulnerability within your relationship.
   
   In my experience, I have found that you can try really, really hard to mend it, but there will always be moments of "throwing it in each others face" on what happened in the past. You have too much history to start over.

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      LaLalove03posted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I truly have to agree... once trust is broken to the point where everything either tries doesn't work, then it's best to just walk away on both ends.

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   AMBASSADOR BUTLERposted 13 years ago

   Both of you need to forgive each other first no matter what the out come of your relationship become in the future. This is for both of your benefit because life is short and make the most of it for the rest of your life moment by moment in your daily life on the earth. You must communicate with each other honestly if this is what both of you want to do is to get back together with a brand new start and let this relationship begin with new hope, peace, and love in your life together. If you can not do this then please move on with both of your lives with forgiveness and blessings on your life. Love cover a multitude of sins so go on and live your life in love from now on whether yes or no that you get back together. Go in love and peace from this moment on for the rest of your life on the earth.

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6. 50

   manda27posted 13 years ago

   I read your story! it helped, thanks! i think there is just to much damage done to try to start a clean slate. but at the end of the day, we are so in love with eachother that we have hopes in putting our relationship back together but we are both so scared. i did do a lot to him and i feel extremely bad, however when i did those things, it was the wrong reaction to his actions. i am alot younger than him ( 20 yrs) and i was paying all of our bills ect... so i think it began with me missing something he wasnt giving me such as any form of responsibility. granted, he never was mean or cruel or a cheater, just inconsiderate! so it got to the point where i would get drunk and let all of my anger out at him and say very hurtful things! well 2 yrs into the relatiionship that is when he had his girlfriend on the side for the last 4 months of our relationship. this was from Apr-Aug 2010. i just found out! we had a long talk about it and he explained why he did it. he said he never forgave me but being with her made him realize he only wants and loves me. i just dont know what to do.

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7. 78

   dashingscorpioposted 13 years ago

   It's probably time you both forgave each other and moved on. If you had been each other's "Mr./Ms. Right" you would not have gone through this much drama in such a short amount of time.
   
   There are 6 traits needed to have a happy relationship: Honesty, Trust, Loyalty, Love & Devotion, Intimacy, and Emotional Security. It's very important they appear in the above order.
   Take it from me starting off with intimacy and attempting to work backwards seldom works. http://hubpages.com/hub/therecipeforrel … phappiness
   
   Best of luck!

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8. 72

   MrMaranathaposted 12 years ago

   Need to have a heart to heart talk about everything... lay all of the cards on the table and talk about it...
   
   If you truly still love each other and you both value the relationship.. and have outgrown the game playing...
   
   Then make plans to get married and do it right...
   
   Probably do you both good to (cough cough) separate for the time you are preparing to marry and have a courtship...  It would certainly add value to your decisions...
   But it would also do something else... It would Prove you...
   It would test your metal... it would test the resolve of both of you...
   I would warn you that most would not endure it...  it would cause most to self destruct.. But if the Love is real... you will come out of it stronger than ever.

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9. 59

   ReneeDC1979posted 11 years ago

   Okay manda27 - here goes - you asked so i'm going to give you my honest opinion
   -First, your relationship was built on trust and non-commitment.  You can't be surprised that he did the same things you started out doing.
   -Second, if you take him back you both need to establish what you want in a relationship, and then you both need to decide if you are able to fulfill that for each other
   Third, the relationship was built on lies so you never had a relationship
   
   I can't tell you to forgive or move on, all I have to say is if you don't want to be with each other only then don't.  But, if you do then just be together - And if you cheat -please protect yourself and I don't want to see yall on Maury!

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