What do you want?

1. 0

   Beth37posted 11 years ago

   Hmmm?

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   1. 90

      Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Parma ham.
      
      Today, I want a plate of Parma ham, some stuffed olives and a rich, peppery Italian table wine (the kind that leaves your teeth enamel intact).
      
      And some bread that takes some chewing even after it has been doused in olive oil.
      
      But having gained a few pounds after giving up smoking I am not allowed anything tasty to eat until I am rake-like.
      
      
      
      I would kill any number of Italian peasants for that ham, all the same.

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         Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Ham it is. Someone get Will some ham post haste.

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      2. 72

         CraftytotheCoreposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         If you want a healthy appetizer, try that ham wrapped around stalks of asparagus, coated with olive oil and roasted in a pan at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.

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            Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Sounds great! How many hams per stalk?

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      myeffortsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      A lot of traffic to my hubs ..

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         Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

         I've run out of fairy dust.

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   3. 0

      Rad Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Honestly... another beer.

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         Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

         I have never seen you on a non religious forum thread. I'm so proud of you right now. Have a beer on me... but no driving.

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2. 85

   FatFreddysCatposted 11 years ago

   I want a bottle of anything... and a glazed donut. To GO!

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   1. 90

      Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      If you were brandishing that ham no one would dare stand in your way. Get the ham and the world is yours.

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         Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Elliot again or was that Shakespeare?

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         1. 90

            Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            No, that was Diddlin' Joe Hickup and the Hickory Valley Hopheads.
            
            You are annoyed with now. I can tell.

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               Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

               Ive never once been annoyed with you. It takes quite a bit to annoy me and you always make me laugh.

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   ahorsebackposted 11 years ago

   Or fresh homemade bread , still warm with slices of ham  , the perfect cheese , grilled to perfection , and a damned good micro-brew .....Cold !  Two of them !....:-]

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   1. 0

      Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Maybe Will can share his ham with you.

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      1. 90

         Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         That ain't happenin'.
         
         Sorry, horse person. Don't get me wrong, but the only person worthy of that ham is me.

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   ahorsebackposted 11 years ago

   I aint askin Will , I'm taking that ham !......:-D

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5. 0

   Beth37posted 11 years ago

   No one is spared when men fight over ham.

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6. 90

   Will Apseposted 11 years ago

   I imagine that we can settle this like gentlemen.
   
   
   
   Beth might like to supply the gore buckets and some light refreshment.

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   1. 0

      Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I keep my gore buckets in the kitchen pantry... I'll run fetch them.

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      1. 90

         Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Better get some big ones, I never shot a horse-sized person before.

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            Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Mostly just small ones?
            I've got the refreshments ready... lemonade and ham.

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7. 0

   ahorsebackposted 11 years ago

   "My kingdom for a ham "  I will die in Beth's arms if I must!

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8. 0

   ahorsebackposted 11 years ago

   "Unhand my pork you scoundrel "
   "I'll run ye through"

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9. 90

   Will Apseposted 11 years ago

   I asked Sigmund what he made of all this stuff about guns, pork, horses...
   
   
   
   He said. 'I analysed the themes of this thread according to the strict Principles of Psychoanalysis and must conclude that a number of cretinous individuals have too much time on their hands.

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      HollieTposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      He further added "Including me, think I'll go experiment with cocaine and entangle myself with my female sample"

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      1. 90

         Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         That is obscure, even by my standards.

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10. 0

    Beth37posted 11 years ago

    We don't need any swine around here, you're both a couple of hams.

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11. 0

    ahorsebackposted 11 years ago

    I have to admit , that was beautiful !

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12. 75

    Shanna11posted 11 years ago

    I want to get through this new semester without dying.
    
    Also a gourmet meal because I'm tired of PB+J and cheap foods for every meal. Also to make payout again every month like I used to.
    
    Simple things.

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    1. 61

       paradigmsearchposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       OK, I'll give you the first one.
       
       The other two, you're on your own.

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          Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          They let you out of jail?
          
          Why?
          
          How is civilization served?

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    2. 0

       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       One of the boys is sure to give you some ham... there also appears someone offering spam if you're hungry enough.

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13. 90

    Will Apseposted 11 years ago

    Why don't you tell us what you want, Beth?

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    1. 0

       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       At this point Id settle for dental insurance.

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       1. 90

          Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Lol, I would recommend finding a rich man while you still have your teeth. Rich men like teeth in a woman, apparently.

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             Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

             As long as I can keep this one in the front, Im a handsome catch for any man.

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             1. 90

                Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                That's the spirit.
                
                And you won't need makeup for Halloween!

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                   Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

                   I have a natural beauty that only we one-toothed girls possess.

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                      Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                      I find the one toothed girls useful for hitching a horse to.

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                         Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

                         Or you could use the ring in my nose.

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                         1. 90

                            Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                            A thousand elderly feminists are about to come over the hill and start beating me with good intentions. So I am retreating, pronto.
                            
                            I reckon you are having enough fun slaying those unbelievers on the other side, anyway.

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                            1. 0

                               Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

                               They are not angry with me. They hate the word of God. I can't help them with that. I myself, am quite a fun person.

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                                  EncephaloiDeadposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                                  Believers, like myself, don't hate the word of God and we don't use it to alienate others and equate them with murderers when it's obvious they are good people.
                                  
                                  A fun person would never do such things.

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                                     Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

                                     *Gasp* How did you find me?!

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                                     1. 90

                                        Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                                        You have brought a plaque upon us, Beth. Or it could be a plague.
                                        
                                        If you cannot close the wormhole to the forums on the other side, we are doomed.

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                                        1. 0

                                           Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

                                           I feared this day would come. Quickly... take to the hills! (Bring ham!)

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                                     2. 55

                                        EncephaloiDeadposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                                        It was easy, I just followed the stench of rotten eggs and sour grapes.

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14. 90

    Will Apseposted 11 years ago

    Look, what I just found.  This is King Richard the Third (diagrammatically, anyway), They dug him up out of a parking lot in Leicester that I used regularly when I lived nearby.
    
    
    
    Why I am sending this? He's single and for a woman with one tooth, I reckon he's attainable. He also comes from a really good family!
    
    They would probably give you Cornwall (sort of Florida in a bottle).

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       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I usually like em with flesh on em, but since he was a king... I can bend. Apparently so could he.

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15. 90

    Will Apseposted 11 years ago

    Well, seems to have got rid of the Farsider, so a job well done. Tonight...

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       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I think he fell in a pit. I guess I am obliged to pull him out.
       
       "Then he asked them, "If one of you has a child or an ox that falls into a well on the Sabbath day, will you not immediately pull it out?"" Luke 14:5
       
       Although today's not the Sabbath so I s'pose he can wait.

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          Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          In my experience, you need to learn to completely ignore certain posters. Make a list in your head. Never read their posts.

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             Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

             I think that is wise. Thank you Will.

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16. 74

    LeanManposted 11 years ago

    I want dry trousers... just nipped out for lunch and got caught in a downpour on the way back into the office.. my trousers are soaked right through.... I will now have to sit here all afternoon in soggy jeans..

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    1. 90

       Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Actually, dry trousers are remarkably important. Especially for the older gentleman.
       
       I think we should make a core list of wants.
       
       Starting with:
       Dry trousers
       Ham
       A tooth of ones own
       A bottle of anything
       Semester survival
       Gore buckets

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       1. 74

          LeanManposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          You must have a towel!
          Never get caught without it - have you never read the "hitch hikers guide to the galaxy"??

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17. 90

    Will Apseposted 11 years ago

    Core list of wants.
    
    Dry trousers
    Ham
    A tooth of ones own
    A bottle of anything
    Semester survival
    Gore buckets
    A towel (plus a copy of the hitchhiker's guide so you know what to do with it)

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18. 0

    ahorsebackposted 11 years ago

    OMG , don't forget your leathermen!

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19. 90

    Will Apseposted 11 years ago

    Core list of wants.
    
    Dry trousers
    Ham
    A tooth of ones own
    A bottle of anything
    Semester survival
    Gore buckets
    A towel (plus a copy of the Hitchhiker's guide so you know what to do with it)
    Any kind of multi-tool device that is sharp and shiny (or possibly one of the Village People)
    
    This is turning into a nice Xmas Gifts List.

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    1. 0

       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       If you both have your own hams, there will be no need for gore buckets. Let's not make our burden to great to bear. Although if we have strong stomachs, we could carry the hams in the gore buckets. I suppose we should add to the list: strong stomachs... and chocolate... and maybe a new job.

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          Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Given how bottomless the pit of human desire is, I think I will only update that list daily from now on.
          
          So a new job....
          
          Has there been any storming out yet?

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             Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

             Im not a stormer. I did apply for a new job... so just kind of a drizzle.

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                Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                Lol. Well, at least you are employable. No one in their right mind would hire me. I have to make my own occupations, and it gets harder as I get older.

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                   Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

                   *avoids obvious joke*
                   Im sure you are quite employable... You're so smart I can barely understand you, therefore, you are of great value.

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                      Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                      That's so kind of you to say that. Being incomprehensible has always been an ambition.

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                         Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

                         What?

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20. 90

    Will Apseposted 11 years ago

    Have you ever watched Justified, by the way? Is that set in your corner of the world?

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       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Ive seen every show in my corner of the world and that isn't one of them. You made it up.

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21. 90

    Will Apseposted 11 years ago

    I'm pretty sure you share a mountain range.
    
    

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       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       He's a tall drink of water isn't he? My expert observational skills tell me that show airs on FX, which is cable, which I do not get on account of the fact that I use an antennae cause it's free... and although it's the only antennae still being used in modern society within a 50 mile radius of my home, it still does not pick up the FX channel. I do however have Netflix and when it comes to Netflix, I will watch it. You would probably enjoy House of Cards and Madmen. Give those a shot if you can.

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22. 90

    Will Apseposted 11 years ago

    I was going to ask you if had any kind of resemblance to real life before I got it, but I got it anyway.
    
    It was the Elmore Leonard connection. Couldn't resist it.
    
    Going to add the complete works of Elmore Leonard to the list...

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       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       How difficult do you think it is to go thru life with the name Elmore?

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23. 90

    Will Apseposted 11 years ago

    Core list of wants.
    
    Dry trousers
    Ham
    Gore buckets
    A towel (plus a copy of the Hitchhiker's guide so you know what to do with it)
    Any kind of multi-tool device that is sharp and shiny (or possibly one of the Village People)
    A tooth of ones own
    A bottle of anything
    Semester survival
    A job
    Some traffic
    The complete works of Elmore Leonard

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24. 90

    Will Apseposted 11 years ago

    I think Maurice would be kinder.

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       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I don't know any Maurices, but then I don't live in Italy.

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25. 65

    2uesdayposted 11 years ago

    I want to move this post above the spam.

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26. 61

    paradigmsearchposted 11 years ago

    I want things to keep going in the direction things are going for me.

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27. 90

    Will Apseposted 11 years ago

    Now you want to be everyone's Mom, Beth. Though, I must admit, I am feeling an urge to knit him a scarf myself.

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       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Everyone thinks Im their mom. It's a curse.

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          Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          I will put that on the list.
          
          Be alluring bombshell with brains, a subtle sensibility and rib cracking one liners.
          
          Might make that one optional.

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             Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

             I think the one tooth thing took me out of the running.

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28. 90

    Will Apseposted 11 years ago

    Good heavens, forget the tooth. Try a make over. Or a wild Saturday night rampage.
    
    These things cheer the heart.

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       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Surely you are on the end of a rampage now. It's the only reason I can imagine why you're up before the sun.

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          Will Apseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          It is 13.15 where I am.
          
          There is a minor storm moving in from the Andaman Sea, as usual. Soon I will head off for the beach to get my daily sun burn.

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             Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

             13.5... is that military time, meaning 1:50? I thought you were 6 hours ahead of me.

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29. 76

    cheaptrickposted 11 years ago

    I want world peace,brotherly love,and justice for all...but I'll settle for a bottle of Jack,a hot blond,and some Pink Floyd.

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       Beth37posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I don't have any booze or Pink Floyd, but one out of three aint bad.
       
       

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