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I'd like feedback on my Hub: A behavior we have to change

  1. alex writers profile image68
    alex writersposted 17 months ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub A behavior we have to change (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

    1. TIMETRAVELER2 profile image92
      TIMETRAVELER2posted 17 months ago in reply to this

      What everybody else here said plus

      you need to work on shortening your sentences and doing better with basic structure and
      dividing your work into smaller sections with capsule titles.

      Also, what are your qualifications for writing this type of article?  Are you a psychologist, etc?  If so, let your readers know it.

      Finally, don't announce what you're going to write about next.  Just finish your article and move on.

      1. alex writers profile image68
        alex writersposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        What about my grammar, I'm working on improving it but still I would like to know on what areas I have to improve please

        1. TIMETRAVELER2 profile image92
          TIMETRAVELER2posted 17 months ago in reply to this

          Your biggest problem is that your language is "stilted".  Words like "hence" are rarely used in this type of writing.

          You are making your sentences too long, and when you add odd language to them, it makes them difficult to read.

          Also, get yourself out of your article.  Forget "I did this or I saw that".  Write in third person to make reading your work easier.

          Most readers are at an 8th grade level, so you do well to keep your wordage there.  Try shortening one section up, simplifying the language and see what you get.

          For example, instead of this

          For example,a typical character, I can tell you about, that dominates among people who work in the same or alike environments, makes them easily identified with the profession.

          Write something like this

          For example, many people seem to identify with their professions.

  2. psycheskinner profile image80
    psycheskinnerposted 17 months ago

    There is a problem with your standard of written English, but in this case the greater issue is that you link to Psychology Today 8-10 times.  2 is the maximum allowed.

    1. alex writers profile image68
      alex writersposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      I removed all my links and tried to publish again but got the same error. Could you, please elaborate about "my standard of english" ?

      1. Will Apse profile image90
        Will Apseposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        The problem is that English is different in every part of the world. For the most part, you will need to write in American English to get published here since it is an American site.

        There is a system called QAP (quality assessment) that every hub needs to satisfy and I doubt if those assessors make much allowance for people who speak perfectly good English in their own part of the world but stray too far from the conventions in the US.

        1. TIMETRAVELER2 profile image92
          TIMETRAVELER2posted 17 months ago in reply to this

          Will, I don't think what you are referring to is his problem.  He's trying too hard to sound professional but overwhelming readers with wordage.   Did you see the example I showed him?

          1. alex writers profile image68
            alex writersposted 17 months ago in reply to this

            I am working on improving my English, I can't deny its poor. That, however, shouldn't stop me from sharing my ideas so I'm working on perfecting my English every day. 
            In that example,for instance, what I was trying to drive home was that our environments play a huge role in mending our character.
            I'm also new to online writing but quick to understand. I believe if I could identify my problems I could reform quickly.

            1. SheilaMilne profile image90
              SheilaMilneposted 17 months ago in reply to this

              Have you tried Grammarly?  It's a download/plugin and it can be quite helpful.

            2. TIMETRAVELER2 profile image92
              TIMETRAVELER2posted 17 months ago in reply to this

              If you have to explain what you were trying to say, then you did not get your intended message across.  Why not just say what you mean in an easy to understand why, similar to what you just said.

              By the way, the word mending is incorrect.  Instead, use the word "forming".

              Using a Thesaurus can help you to find the exact words you seek.

      2. psycheskinner profile image80
        psycheskinnerposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        I mean that your English has many technical errors.  It does also seem that you are trying to sound like a mental health professional.  But as a psychologist myself, I do not think you are succeeding.

        Below I post one of your paragraphs.  I repeat it with just errors fixed.  I then repeat it again to be more psychologically accurate. If I made any errors in terms of what you were trying to say, it was because the message was not at all clear to me.

        For example,a typical character, I can tell you about, that dominates among people who work in the same or alike environments, makes them easily identified with the profession. Programmers, for instance,tend to claim to be independent, self-driven and very idealistic.This is a character that these people claim builds up a program. (I didn't say it was a lie). In addition, you can easily identify a common trait among people who spend most time of their days on a computer screen (Which is part of their behavior).

        For example,a "typical character", has a meaning I can explain. It may be a person who tries to dominates people who in an environments like a workplace. A programmer, for instance, who claims to be independent, self-driven and very idealistic. A person with this character may claim they built a program. You can easily identify this common trait among people who spend most time of their days in front of a computer screen.

        A "personality" is a consistent pattern of attitudes and behaviors shown across time. It may include traits such as being conscientious, agreeable, or extroverted, versus disorganized, antagonistic, or shy.  Some people may have a strong drive to control or dominate their environment, which can make them challenging to share a workplace with. Certain traits tend to be associated with particular professions, for example farmers tend have traits such as being enterprising and pragmatic and being conventional in their thinking, whereas computer programmers orient more towards seeking achievement, being analytical and focusing on details.

  3. Will Apse profile image90
    Will Apseposted 17 months ago

    It made me smile. So well done for that.

  4. SmartAndFun profile image91
    SmartAndFunposted 17 months ago

    I will also throw in that the title is too vague. Make it more specific, such as "How to stop bad habits and change negative behaviors."

 
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