I'd like feedback on my Hub: President Trump: A Student's Perspective

1. 61

   Alice Neroposted 7 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub President Trump: A Student's Perspective (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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   1. 75

      lifelovemysteryposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Alice, and welcome to HubPages! I can appreciate your passion for many different subjects. However, I stopped reading mid-sentence in "Down to Business" because you stated, "I'm not going to fill my article with statistics or polls. So, if that's what you're looking for then I suggest closing this tab." Your opinion and passion matters, but I suggest that you read some guidelines from the Learning Center and How the Quality Assessment Process Works on this site.
      
      Good Luck!

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   2. 77

      lobobrandonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I'm still reading. Found a sentence with an error though, I'll be back to write more soon.
      
      The sentence: "Ignorance is only bliss if what could don't know can't hurt you."

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2. 77

   lobobrandonposted 7 years ago

   I'm not a 100% sure, but I think you cannot swear on HP:  f*cked up (with reference to this) and maybe even this: n*gger terrorists!
   
   Could I ask how old you are? I'm assuming you're a current high school student. I like the way you write. In my opinion, this article has the potential to get a lot of social media traffic.
   
   I'd suggest you remove the extra white space. Use images or polls or something else as a separator. The excess white space just makes it look bad.

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   1. 61

      Alice Neroposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I can edit out the f*cked up, but I feel that I need to include the n word. As far as that goes, read my reply to the comment below this to understand why. And I'm 15.
      Thanks,
      ~Alice

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3. 59

   Slipperhatposted 7 years ago

   I've got to honestly admit, I found it really tough to read right the way through the hub. Just a couple of my own thoughts:
   
   - By starting the article telling your readers that's unlikely to be any good, that's precisely what they will believe! Credibility is hugely important and it feels like you may have shot yourself in the foot within the first sentence.
   
   - You repeated how it's a huge and popular topic several times which dominated the first three paragraphs before getting into the meat. Again credibility; make people want to read your hub.
   
   - You then stated how you're not going to include any information such as polls and statistics, as in your opinion, they have been tampered with or are biased. But you then proceed to claim that you are going to write an opinion piece (which is of your own bias). This confused me! Factual or opinion?
   
   - There are a few typos and grammatical errors (I'm British so won't comment on Americanisms). 'president' is a title and I believe should be capitalised, 'effected' should be affected, 'america' again capital letter, 'Republican party' capitalise the P I would say, 'reveling' should be revelling, 'reenter' looks a bit cleaner as re-enter.
   
   - And finally I don't think the swearing is appropriate and doesn't add to the hub at all. Especially the 'n' word; I'm frankly appalled you've put that in. I do appreciate these words are quotes; but I'm very unsure about the appropriateness.
   
   I'm not trying to pick holes at all; I think the student perspective is one that is regularly missed or completely disregarded. You're hub has the potential to be great, but I would really recommend those changes initially, then perhaps looking at making it flow a little better. Hope it helps and just my two cents.

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   1. 61

      Alice Neroposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Hello. I just want to thank everyone for the feedback. I felt the special need to reply to this post however. As far as your being appalled at my use of the n word. I feel the same way. I felt that way when I heard the boy say that. Perhaps I could add another star or two, but no matter what I did the readers would still know what the word was. I hope you don't think me a horrible person for doing this. But I feel that part of the impact is how appalling it really is. That we live in a world where those things are said.
      Thanks,
      ~Alice

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      1. 59

         Slipperhatposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Alice, that's fair enough. If you feel you are able to justify the use of your language, then lets lets leave it to the HubPages staff to decide.
         
         I would still of course recommend the other revisions. Best of luck .

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4. 87

   theraggededgeposted 7 years ago

   Good attempt at a first article at 15. Better than I could have done at your age.
   
   You need to edit or get rid of that opening preamble. Really. It's irrelevant and distracting. You have to write to the title. With every article you write. You can say you are expressing a personal opinion but rambling on about how you decided on the topic is unnecessary. Every sentence must relate to the title.
   
   You can write the article without including the reference to the boy in the other room altogether. You need to learn how to make an impact with your writing within the parameters of HubPages guidelines. That's your challenge - I'm sure you can do it. Otherwise, you will have to post this on a personal blog if you want to see it published.
   
   You can't republish photos unless you have permission. You could get sued. All images on HP must be CC licensed or in the public domain. Just because they appear on the web doesn't mean they are in the public domain. Photographers have been paid by those sites for their work.
   
   Images should be distributed through the article, not placed in a single block.
   
   Go into each text capsule. Move your cursor to the last period and press delete a couple of times to get rid of the white space.
   
   Read your text aloud to yourself. You'll be surprised how many errors you'll pick up. If you can print it out first, that works even better.
   
   Hope that helps... and keep writing.

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   1. 61

      Jamal Aidaniposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I have read your reply multiple times. I still remember the day when you commented on my article '' How To Be a Freelance Writer'', you asked me to improve it by adding certain keywords. Thank you so much.

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      1. 87

         theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         

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