I would like feedback on an article.

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  1. profile image0
    Ivan Hernandezposted 15 months ago

    I would like feedback on an personal article that I published.

    https://hubpages.com/health/Dealing-Wit … ng-Feeling

    what can I do to improve this article?

    1. theraggededge profile image97
      theraggededgeposted 15 months agoin reply to this

      Heya Erick, this looks really good. It's so personal, and very helpful to anyone feeling the way you do.

      You will have to remove a few of those links. You have more than two going to Goodreads and HubPages doesn't allow more than two to the same domain.

      Remove the sentence about being banned again from HubPages Your reader will come via a search engine. S/he won't even care what HubPages is. I would change that whole section to a suggestion that the reader makes a collection of inspiring quotes to read when they are feeling failure. Talk about keeping a journal and writing down quotes as they find them. Does that sound like a good idea?

      1. profile image0
        Ivan Hernandezposted 15 months agoin reply to this

        How about now?

      2. profile image0
        Ivan Hernandezposted 15 months agoin reply to this

        I used two photos from Pixabay and one from the Forbes Website. On the Forbes photo, I included the source website.

  2. psycheskinner profile image84
    psycheskinnerposted 15 months ago

    My suggestion on the photos would be to consider showing happy normal looking people and situations.  I am not sure how showing very heaviiy styled models in expensive looking settings quite matches what you are saying.

    1. profile image0
      Ivan Hernandezposted 15 months agoin reply to this

      Theraggededge. Is anything wrong with my photos?

      1. psycheskinner profile image84
        psycheskinnerposted 15 months agoin reply to this

        I am suggesting that they don't fit with the message of the text, or at least not ia way I can see,

      2. theraggededge profile image97
        theraggededgeposted 15 months agoin reply to this

        I think the first two are fine, not sure about the third. It doesn't fit. I'd show someone journalling or something.

        Those links to Goodreads are still problematic. They need to have proper anchor text, not 'This Site'. Don't forget that HubPages don't really want you sending people off the site. It would be better if you recommended some authors or even included some relevant quotes.

        So, maybe you could write something like:

        "I recommend you keep a journal and save quotes that inspire you during those times when you feel like a failure. You can keep a journal on a computer, smart phone, tablet or even in a good old-fashioned book. My favorite inspiring authors are:....

        Goodreads (add link there) is also a useful place to find quotes about how people deal with failure."

        You don't have to use my words, your own will be much better. You can add several more quotes in call-out capsules if you want to.

  3. profile image0
    gotinfoposted 15 months ago

    Hi Ivan!  Your article is actually something I've been needing lately so thank you for that.  My only suggestion is to write more in an assertive/active voice versus a passive voice.  Take a look at Purdue's tutorial on this: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/539/02/.  Putting in some personal facts does make one's writing more believable, like a friend. But I feel you may have a little too much of this going on, especially in the beginning.  It sounds like you're putting yourself down versus simply explaining what you've learned from and how you're qualified to teach the reader.  Everyone needs how-to writings and that is definitely going on with plenty of back up sources.  I just had too much of an urge to prove to you, you are worthy, and selfishly I needed to just focus on how to solve the problem of dealing with failure.  Remember too, this is an "opinion" of one Hub reader and only a suggestion.  Look forward to more of your writings.  Sandy @thegotinfo.

  4. Marisa Wright profile image98
    Marisa Wrightposted 15 months ago

    Great article.   The photos are OK but I think you can find better ones. 

    I suggest go to Pixabay.com and search for "sad".


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