I'd like feedback on my article: What Causes Stillbirth At Full Term?

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   docashpposted 7 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article What Causes Stillbirth At Full Term?. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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2. 76

   docashpposted 7 years ago

   I have tried to correct the grammatical errors as advised by the moderator. Kindly point out if you find any more grammatical errors.

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      theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Good morning, Doctor,
      
      The content does not reflect the title and vice-versa.
      
      The title is "What Causes Stillbirth At Full Term?"
      
      If I were searching for an answer to the question asked in the title, I'd want a list of possible causes. The whole article is focused on gestational diabetes, so perhaps you need to include it in the title?
      
      This bit needs to be in a past tense, "The lifetime risk of getting diabetes in females born in the United States Of America in the year 2000 is estimated to be thirty nine percent which is roughly around one third of the population."
      
      How about this version...
      
      "The lifetime risk of diabetes in pregnant women born in the US, as at the year 2000, was estimated to be thirty nine percent which was roughly around one third of the population."
      
      Is that figure correct? It seems off to me. When you say 'population' do you mean 'female population'? Still seems high.
      
      There are lots of unnecessary words you could prune to make the writing crisper and easier to understand.
      
      Break up long paragraphs into smaller ones.
      
      A little proof-reading might help. Leave it for 24 hours then read the text out loud. It'll help you notice errors.
      
      Sorry I couldn't go through it all.

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      1. 76

         docashpposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks Theraggede,
         I think I should change the title to the previous one I used; Diabetes And Pregnancy: What causes still birth at full term.
         Diabetes being the commest cause of full term foetal demise.
         "The lifetime risk of diabetes in pregnant women born in the US, as at the year 2000, was estimated to be thirty nine percent which was roughly around one third of the population."
         What I wanted to convey is that there is rough estimate that females born in the United States of America in the year 2000 have a thirty percent chance of suffering from diabetes in their entire life span.
         Will make the necessary changes you have advised.

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            Nouveau Skepticposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            An estimate based on what source?

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            1. 76

               docashpposted 7 years agoin reply to this

               This estimate is based on the information received from the National Health And Nutrition Surveys (NHANES) conducted from 1984 to 2000.
               I have mentioned it in the article. Also I have provided the references at the end of the article. These are publications in reputed international journals.

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                  psycheskinnerposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                  I can only see the abstracts and one giving a risk for during pregnancy seems to give a much lower figure of 12% even in highest risk populations.  A lifetime risk would not be relevant as the risk would increase after childbearing years.  1/3 developing diabetes before death is plausible, but during pregnancy--not so much.  That is why that figure should be specifically referenced to a particular named source.

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                  1. 76

                     docashpposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                     The increased incidence of obesity has caused a reduced age of onset of diabetes. So the prevalence of diabetes in women of child bearing age has increased.
                     This is the abstract  which mentions obesity as a reason for insulin resistance and lesser age of onset of diabetes thereby increasing the incidence in women in the fertile period.

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3. 58

   aleciajeanneposted 7 years ago

   It didn't pass?

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4. 76

   docashpposted 7 years ago

   Hi Aleciajeanne I think there is still room for improvements in the hub.

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5. 76

   docashpposted 7 years ago

   Hi Psycheskinner I will add the relevant references to the statistical data I have provided in the problem statement. Thanks for the advice and support.

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