Will Somebody Please Help Me Review My Article?

1. 63

   EricFarmer8xposted 7 years ago

   I was told my article Why I Love Words with Friends Lightning Mode has grammar errors that need to be fixed by an editor. I looked it over and everything seems fine to me. But alas, I tend to have blindness when it comes to certain grammar issues. I was hoping somebody could give me some advice on what I need to do differently.

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   1. 74

      TIMETRAVELER2posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Three things I noticed:
      
      Your title does not match your content exactly.  You left out the "2".
      First, don't subtitle your introductory paragraph
      Second, this hub is far too short
      
      Also, people don't like to read about YOU, they want you to help THEM.  Change the focus so that you are showing them a better way to play this game.

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      1. 63

         EricFarmer8xposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         I am interested in why you suggest not having a subtitle on the introduction? This is the first time I have heard this.

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         1. 87

            Marisa Wrightposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            It's usually not a good idea to have a sub-heading on your introduction because you need to engage the reader, and too many introductory bits and pieces get in the way.
            
            If you look at your Hub, you'll see you've got:  one big heading that says "Why I love this game".  Then you have a photo that says "Why I love this game".  Then you have another heading.  If the person is on a mobile, they're scrolling down already and wondering, "is it worth my while to read this article?"

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            1. 63

               EricFarmer8xposted 7 years agoin reply to this

               This makes sense. Thanks.

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         2. 74

            TIMETRAVELER2posted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Simply because it is an introduction!  It only makes sense to keep it separate from the rest of the article because it lets people know it is not actually an active part of the article.  I usually write my intro, then add a photo and THEN write the article.  You don't have to do this, of course, but I think it clarifies what you are trying to say rather than jumping right in and saying it.  I was always taught to
            
            say what you're going to say
            say it
            say what you said
            
            I also taught this method to my students when I was teaching Language Arts.

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2. 95

   AliciaCposted 7 years ago

   Hi, Eric. I'll share a few of the problems that I noticed.
   
   Lightning Rounds Deliver on Speed: The word "more" in "I prefer Lightning Rounds more" is redundant and should be removed.
   Working as a team: The first sentence should say "team-based game mode."
   A Few Complaints: "Like I am playing against..." is a sentence fragment.
   My Advice on Winning More: In the first point, "cannot" should be one word.
   Putting It All Together: The last point should say "as fast as."

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   1. 63

      EricFarmer8xposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the advice.

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3. 87

   Marisa Wrightposted 7 years ago

   say what you're going to say
   say it
   say what you said
   
   I like it!

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   1. 74

      TIMETRAVELER2posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks. It's a good rule for all writers to follow.  Works every time lol!

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4. 63

   EricFarmer8xposted 7 years ago

   I guess I need to think about how the reader feels.

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   1. 87

      Marisa Wrightposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Very true.  The way to make money here is to write from your own experience, BUT you need to ask yourself, "How can my own experience help someone else?" and write from that perspective.

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5. 63

   EricFarmer8xposted 7 years ago

   Thanks for the feedback everybody. I will focus on having better introductions. I will also make sure they are formatted more correctly. I will also work on making sure my articles have a clear focus so that my readers know what they are getting. I will focus on helping them and provide information they want and need.
   
   Thanks to feedback from grammar software I noted some issues. I am having issues with compound sentences. I also have issues with unclear pronoun references. I also tend to write in run-on sentences.
   
   I sometimes struggle with constructive criticism. But I know if I want to be a better writer I need it. So once again thanks.

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   1. 87

      Marisa Wrightposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Don't let grammar software discourage you too much.  It is useful, but it's also like your pedantic grandma - it speaks English as it was spoken in the 1950's.  No one has perfect grammar these days, so if you write an article with perfect grammar, it will sound stilted and old-fashioned. 
      
      I wish I could give you some advice on how to use the grammar software (which corrections to accept and which to reject), but it 's not clear cut.   It's a question of the rhythm of the language - try reading it aloud and see which version sounds better.  Sometimes the software's version will sound better, but sometimes yours will!
      
      As for introductions - we've spoken about not using a heading for it.  Other than that, the important thing about an introduction in an online article is, keep it short.

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      1. 63

         EricFarmer8xposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         This is the second time a LevelSkip editor has told me to fix grammar issues in my work. So I figured I need to work on something. I just want to make sure I meet the guidelines as I write about niches that fit on LevelSkip. I love to write about technology and video games the most.

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