Why is it that I can't stand the thought of death?

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   Hauntyposted 15 years ago

   I feel so weak...

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      tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

        Because is the end ?  Because is the beginning? Or maybe you're just feeling weak and can't cope with the idea ? 

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      tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

        you didn't faint, did you ?

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         Hauntyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         No, I didn't. It was something worse. Kind of like... as if I'd cried or something, if you know what I mean.

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   pgrundyposted 15 years ago

   I'm not all that crazy about the idea myself.
   
   I'm not doing it!
   
   I refuse.

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      tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

        I think is going to be a Hell of a trip !

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         pgrundyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Oh, good point. I mean, it could be cool, right?
         
         I didn't think of that.

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            tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

              Of course ! you should get your tickets !

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      earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Me too! I'm not gonna turn up to my funeral.

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   Ron Montgomeryposted 15 years ago

   Because you haven't let Jesus into your life.  I have a brief infomercial which...............................................................mffff (wife covering my mouth)

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      pgrundyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Don't let him in. He can't take a hint. Even if you put on your pajamas and turn out all the lights, he just keeps popping another beer and yakking about his Dad...

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   Davinagirl3posted 15 years ago

   I don't think you should really ponder your own death.  If there is an afterlife, you'll find out soon enough.  If there is nothing, then you won't be around to worry about it.  Either way, you will be okay.  Your loved ones will be the ones with pain.  It is harder for me to ponder the death of someone I love.  I guess we are all a little selfish.

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      pgrundyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      On a more serious note, I think it helps to think about one's own death. I do all the time, I mean it. If I measure things against my impending death, it puts them in proper perspective. Like, given that I'm going to die and maybe any minute, and given that that's a for sure thing, what should I do next? How upset should I get about this or that?
      
      It really does help me a lot.

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         Hauntyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         That's totally reasonable. But please, don't do it too often. You are not your parents.

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      Hauntyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I'm very selfish! It wasn't my death I pondered, but that of a loved one.

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   JYOTI KOTHARIposted 15 years ago

   Indian people and philosophies believe in rebirth according to one's own Karma. One who is detached with body and mind does not feel any anxiety about death. He/she dies peacefully and get a birth where he/she attained salvation.
   Thanks,
   Jyoti Kothari

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   Mighty Momposted 15 years ago

   If the only things certain in life are death and taxes, I'd absolutey prefer to think about death!
   That is, as long as there are no bureaucracies, deadlines or multi-page forms involved:-).

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      Hauntyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      With taxes you can still figure it out, but with death... :-)

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   Mighty Momposted 15 years ago

   I apologize to you, Haunty. Are you trying to express genuine feelings of pain/fear here? We're taking over and that's not right. If you want support from the HP community, just say the word and we'll switch gears/attitude. MM

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      Hauntyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      No, it's absolutely ok. Thank you.
      I just think that I really changed for the worse. A few years back I felt strong and I never felt like I wanted to cry, but these days it's totally different. Whenever I hear about someone's death it strikes me so close.

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   Jane@CMposted 15 years ago

   I hope you are okay.
   
   

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      Hauntyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks, Jane. I'll be ok. I'm with Davina. If thinks get worse I can quit at any time. It won't matter much.

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   Mighty Momposted 15 years ago

   Hi Haunty. Well, not knowing your life circumstance, it could be just natural hormonal changes. It seems like it wasn't that long ago I felt strong and invincible, too. But as we experience the deaths of parents and even friends and colleagues our own age, mortality starts to loom scary and closer.
   I hear ya. I cry much more easily suddenly, too. MM

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      Hauntyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I don't know if any hormonal changes occur in a male at the age of 27, but I feel that way indeed.
      
      Shadesbreath - you read my mind, literally.

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         Ron Montgomeryposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         They absolutely can.  It was at about your age that I first experienced clinical depression.  I have no idea if that is at all what's happening with you, there are many possibilities.

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            Hauntyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            You've been in clinical depression? How did you get over it?

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               Ron Montgomeryposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               To the best of my knowledge, and I've fought it for decades, you don't get over it.  You learn to deal with it much as an alcoholic deals with his disease.  You figure out what triggers it - situations, diet, lifestyle etc. and you decide to take it on.

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                  Hauntyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                  Well, a drink can make me a little bit less hard-core about stuff.

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                     Ron Montgomeryposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                     Yep, self medication.

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                  Jane@CMposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                  I'm with Ron, I was diagnosed with depression in 8th grade & am now 47.  You really have to work hard to stay on top of it.

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                     Ron Montgomeryposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                     I probably experienced it at about that age but didn't recognize what it was.  I think it's harder for young men to deal with.  It can be falsely perceived as a weakness.

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    Shadesbreathposted 15 years ago

    I don't think I fear death for myself as much as I fear terror and/or agony.  Not a big fan of terror and agony, truth be told.  Call me a wussy, but, well, it's true.
    
    As for "death" on a more metaphysical and/or spiritual level, I have trouble buying into any of the religions due to the details, so I draw no comfort from the stories meant to give comfort/assurance.  I can hope that maybe some essence of commonality in them all represents some actual truth, but, sadly, I tend to think even that is born of the self-same fear/dread that appears to be a common thread amongst all of humanity to begin (the chicken definately came before the egg).  So, "hope" probably overstates what I really feel. 
    
    Even if we do simply just return our materials and energy back into the system - a total loss of any sense of "self" - I suppose once our consciousness is snuffed, we shouldn't care, if indeed that is the case. 
    
    Huanty already said it before, the only death I fear is the death of those I love.  A selfish fear, for sure, for I actually don't fear their death so much as I dread not having them in my life.  I dread my loss. Not the loss of me.  It's always about us, in the end. About "I."
    
    That's my two cents on it anyway.

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    Valerie Fposted 15 years ago

    Death doesn't scare me anywhere near as much as the possibility that I won't everything that needs to be done on time.

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       Shadesbreathposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Yeah, I think, on a similar note, I fear regrets on my deathbed more than the death itself.  But, then, that's easy to say when sitting here healthy and all.  WTF do I really know, you know?  Easy to talk all brave and metaphysical when the reaper isn't breathing its fetid breath down your neck.

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          Valerie Fposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          I was diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune illness when I was 18 and was told that unless I went into a full remission, I might not live past 40. When I was 27, I was told my prognosis was even worse.
          
          I'm much stronger and healthier now than I was even as a teenager. I dance, hike, swim, ski, bike, occassionally go out to pound or kick the stuffing out of some punching bags, and I can do chin-ups like it's breathing- well, breathing on a normal good day, anyway. But every so often, that chronic autoimmune thingy still rears its ugly head and reminds me that, well, I'm 35, and time's ticking.
          
          Carpe diem!
          
          I do, however, worry about how my school-age children would fare without me.

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             Shadesbreathposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Your experience has energized you, clearly.  I can only, selfishly, say, I'm glad my mettle has not been tested in such a way as yours.  How terrifying to have to find out what we're really made of.  If your children have even an ingot of what appears to be your fortitude, I reckon they would, in the end, be fine.

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    waynetposted 15 years ago

    "I See Dead People"
    
    Maybe because you can't stand, so therefore having a lie down may help....hhmmmmm! tis a tricky question!

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    tantrumposted 15 years ago

    Cheer up ! LifE is life ,with all it's ups and downs. Today you're sad, tomorrow you'll be laughing. It's what life is about, a constant drammatic comedy

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    kmackey32posted 15 years ago

    IDK. I sometimes have to clean dead bodies. I'm used to it but some days it does bother me.

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       tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Literally?

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       Hauntyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I was always fascinated how people do it. I honestly could not work in places where people actually die.

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          Colebabieposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          I worked it Hospice. It was tough.

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          kmackey32posted 15 years agoin reply to this

          When I first started I chased a woman down the hall way who crashed into some doors right in front of my eyes and died. Later they said she had a heart attach but I watched her eyes roll in the back of her head. It was so eerie.

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    Zsuzsy Beeposted 15 years ago

    Having been a single parent of three I used to worry all the time... who will look after my children if I were to die tomorrow etc... My youngest is just going to start third year of college... I have done what I was meant to do, I've raised three fabulous persons that are ready to conquer the world... I would love to be around to see my other two kids also find great life partners and have more grand-kids but if I were to croak tomorrow I would be fine with that. I'm satisfied with the job I've done...
    I've done a lot in my life so far and there is a lot I still would like to do but all in all I'm content and at peace

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    M!$$ T3DD!posted 15 years ago

    my grandmother always says that its the fear of the unknown. We dont kno what it is. Like some ppl like my self believe in a heaven and a hell. Others dont kno but all together we dont know what death really is

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    Michael Achillesposted 15 years ago

    The apprehension of death is worse than death itself. It is only painful for the ones left behind.............

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    Lisa HWposted 15 years ago

    Haunty, if you're 27 I'm guessing your situation is one of two things:  Either you've reached an age where you have to process this particular issue in your own mind (in order to come a place of "mental peace" with it); or else you've had a death (or two or three) that have "taught you" that it can come out of the blue, and made you feel as if you never know when it's coming for someone.
    
    Here's what I've learned about thinking about others' deaths:
    
    1.  For reasons I won't go into here, I began worrying that my mother would die from the time I was six.  (She had some chronic problems, but nothing really super-serious.)   I always kind of had the thought of her dying in the back of mind, but I ended up being 41 (I think) when she died.  It hit me that for all that time I'd worried about her dying, when it was all unnecessary.  Lesson 1:  We shouldn't worry about others' deaths unless/until we have real reason to.  Life is short to worry about what may not happen for decades.
    
    2.  When my mother did die it was after a long, awful, illness.  At 41 I was ready to deal with losing her.  In fact, I was surprised that my first reaction was one of relief that she was no longer suffering.  Lesson 2:  Sometimes life prepares us for thing we wouldn't be prepared for at another time.
    
    3. By contrast, my seemingly absolutely healthy and invincible father shocked us all by having a whopper heart attack at 62 and dying.  I was 21.  It was huge shock to my siblings, mother, and a whole lot of other people.  We siblings were young, and processing that shock and "kick in the head" was more difficult than losing our mother.  Still, we managed to get through it.  Lesson 3:  We get through the even the stuff we weren't prepared for, or emotionally ready to deal with.
    
    4.  It always helps to keep in mind that the world is full of people who live to be well beyond 90.  There's always the chance people we love will do that (and again, why waste our precious brain-time thinking about something that won't happen until everyone involved is more ready).
    
    5.  Another thought to keep in mind:  Death doesn't usually come in a way we expect it to.  It has a way of hitting the people we aren't thinking about.  In other words, we have no way to guess who/what we should be worrying about.  May as well not worry because we end up dealing with stuff when/if it happens.  We have no choice.
    
    6.  From what I (and others) have observed, it takes about five full years to really feel like ourselves after losing someone close.  If we've had a loss in the recent past we can have "anxiety chemicals going" and can feel uncertain and tend to worry more about things like what will happen next.  It can feel overwhelming.  In time that sense of uncertainty and that need to feel more sure die down.
    
    Having said all that, we all grow emotionally/mentally over the course of our lives.  It's possible that you're just at a stage in your own growth where you need to confront all the unpleasant emotions of facing others' mortality, reach your own place of peace, and move on from there.

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    Hauntyposted 15 years ago

    Thanks for the wisdom you people have shared. It was worth opening this thread, because I see I'm not alone. (Selfish again, sorry.) It lends me new strength seeing how people can handle this.
    
    Lisa - thanks for the lessons. I read them and I bookmark this thread to return when I need to.
    
    Zsuzsy - It always amazes me what a wonderful job single parents can do raising their children. I respect you people so much for this, because it must not be easy. I'm sure those three fabulous persons can take care of each other very well. And no, I'd not be fine with you croaking any time soon.

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    mtsi1098posted 15 years ago

    for me it is the fear of not existing...as long as the spirit within lives, so will i

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       Lisa HWposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I like to go with the idea that I'll live to be 110 (and so dead-tired of living) I'll be more than ready for "lights out".  I really do hope there's nothing after this life.     
       
       I figure if I go with the above approach, and it turns out it's "lights out" a lot sooner than I'd thought - surprise!!  I won't be here to have to feel foolish about being such an optimist (if wanting "lights out" and to be dead tired of living to be 110 can be called an "optimist"    ).

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    frogdroppingposted 15 years ago

    I can't comprehend it, don't want to and am thoroughly horrified at the thought that one day I will just cease to be. Unfortunately, I'm even worse when I think about it happening to those I love.
    
    I live with it by not thinking about it. I'm of the mind that there's no point spoiling my life by worrying about the end of it.
    
    And, like others, I've lost loved ones. Two I could really have done without because they totally ripped my ability to function into shreds.
    
    Life. Humph

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       beautyroseposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I have know couple who become widow after just being married a few years and leaving a young child.
       
       We seen people died from unexpected plane crush.
       
       We seen people died in the ship wreck. And known woman who died during childbirth. Some died during car accident. And these are painful deaths.
       
       Some died due to long illness like cancer, diabetes and other diseases after how many years of suffering and these kind of illness somehow have prepared them spiritually and were able to discuss things well to there families, and were able to reconcile with there enemies and were able to call on God and ask for his forgiveness, than those people who died a sudden death unprepared.
       
       That's why we were told to live always in harmony with our brothers and sisters cause we don't know the exact time of our death.
       
       We people really fear death cause we only like to live here on earth and we don't have idea of how it is in heaven or in hell.
       
       In short we don't want to see ourselves six feet below the ground specially when we still young and only feel like dying when were old like 85, 90 or 100. But our life span lies in the hands of God. Nobody knows only our creator.

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          Hauntyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          That's another reason to die a long and painful death. I've already decided I wanted it that way for myself, because what Lisa said makes sense to me. When people see you dying and suffering for a long time it will be easier for them when you're gone. They may even be happy about your deliverance from pain. That's a whole lot better than getting trapped in sadness for 5 years.

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             Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             This is untrue. My first wife died a long and painful death from cancer age 33. It was not "easier" for me and the 4 years preceding her death were a nightmare I have never fully escaped from.

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                Hauntyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                I'm sorry. I am naive and short-sighted.

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                   Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                   No need to apologize, but you can take it from me that if I ever develop a fatal illness, I will be dying out of sight of my loved ones in a secluded corner somewhere full of morphine and Jack Daniels.

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                      Hauntyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                      Cool. But be sure it's fatal, before giving up on treatment.

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                      Zsuzsy Beeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                      On this I'm totally on the same page as Mark except the Jack Daniels will have to rum.
                      
                      Staying on this morbid subject, as I said before I'm at peace with going whenever my time is up BUT (there is always that but) its the embalming, coffin, hole, feet deep of dirt over top of me that gives me the wiiiilllies. The thought alone gives me a claustrophobia attack...so I've got it all planned. In case I come down with that fatal illness I'll be pickling myself in rum then even though I fear fire its the ovens for me (selfishly with all my parts intact)

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                         XTASISposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                           One way or the other you won't feel anything. You'll be a body no more

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                   Lisa HWposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                   Sobering to hear that, Mark, and sorry to hear it too.  I think the difference with someone so young and with my comments about relief after my mother finally "went" after being bedridden (and going through a horror show for a long time); is that there is no being "prepared" for losing someone for whom it seems the time can't possibly be "right".  With someone like my mother, we (her kids) were more emotionally prepared as middle-aged people; and although her life wasn't as long as we'd wished, we did get to know she was 77 (which isn't horribly old but it far from being young).  Not to compare these with a spouse, but I lost a 20-month old nephew and 20-year-old girlfriend; and I've never really been able to really "be at peace" with their premature deaths.  The early-death thing is a rough one, and I think it "belongs in its own category".

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    Lisa HWposted 15 years ago

    I have a (wiseguy) family member who says he hopes he'll lose his mind in his old age, so he won't know what's going on.     He admits it's difficult for family members but says, "Who cares.  I won't know what's going on."   

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    Mark Knowlesposted 15 years ago

    Lisa - no question. To a certain extent we "expect" older people to die. As is right and normal for all things, and losing someone at a young age is a shock.

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