When you lose someone close to you-how do you spend their birthdays?

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  1. H.C Porter profile image75
    H.C Porterposted 11 years ago

    Today is December 3rd and today would have been the 9th birthday of my son whom passed away six years ago. Every year on the day of his death (or close to it)... October 18, I do something new. This year, I joined Hub Pages for that very reason.
    On his birthday, I try to be more optimistic about life and people in general.
    Do other people do these kinds of things? Or do the dates lose meaning after a person passes away?

    1. profile image0
      cosetteposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      omgsh... i had no idea. i'm so sorry. i can't begin to imagine such a loss, but i would probably do what you do, focus on the positive and optimistic, because that is what my son would want.

      no, the date would never lose meaning. my father died many years ago but i always drink a toast to him (cranberry juice and champagne) on his birthday.

    2. mistyhorizon2003 profile image91
      mistyhorizon2003posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I am so sorry for your loss. My 1st Husband died from bowel Cancer on 23rd November 2001, aged 48, (2 weeks after being diagnosed with the Cancer), and we cremated him on my Birthday, 4th December 2001. I never forget this, but I try to keep my life ongoing and stay busy rather than dwelling on the past. I still kiss his photo regularly, in spite of being happily remarried, but know he wants me to move on and be happy without forgetting the times we had together, (my current Husband fully understands this too).

      1. H.C Porter profile image75
        H.C Porterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        Because of the circumstances that surround my first sons life-he is the one thing that my husband and I do not talk about. Both my husband and I are very sarcastic individuals, and can joke about most things, to help one another through. About 4 years ago, when I started to open up about the whole situation, my husband cracked a joke, that I did not take lightly-and that was the end of both our attempts.

        Hub Pages has helped me remember and come to terms with a lot, just because it has been a place where I can write about him and the circumstances that lead up to his life and his death. For that I am grateful.

        Everyday he is on my mind-everyday I remember him, and everyday I love him still. In his memory, I donated some money for cancer research today, I know that too many people hurt from the loss of a loved one, due to cancer-so even though I am on a budget, I figured-every little bit will get us one step closer to finding a cure.

        1. mistyhorizon2003 profile image91
          mistyhorizon2003posted 11 years agoin reply to this

          I am sure he is around you still, and what you are doing can only help other people who are going through the same terrible experiences that you did. Stay strong, you can help others who are faced with this in the future, that way it didn't happen in vain!

    3. alexandriaruthk profile image76
      alexandriaruthkposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      just remebering them is good enough, try to be happy and offer a little prayer and all

  2. Michael Willis profile image71
    Michael Willisposted 11 years ago

    I lost my sister 7 years ago the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Her Birthday, My birthday and the day of her passing is a sacred time. I use this time to remember her! I use the time to remember the great times we shared and how close we were.
    My sister and I were only 13 months apart in age, I was the eldest. But, people thought of us as twins because of the closeness we had.
    I commend you on doing something "new and positive" on this date. It is the best way to honor the memory of a loved one. Like you, I try to do something different each year to honor my sister and what she meant to me.

  3. RedElf profile image91
    RedElfposted 11 years ago

    I guess the date will remain as special as you make it. For several years in a row, someone in the family passed away in the days between Christmas and my birthday, which is Eastern Orthodox Christmas according to some celebrants. We all became a little gun-shy around those days.

    On a more positive note, the birth dates of those I was close to are always days of remembering. I like the idea of doing something positive to mark the day, but I also know the memories will become gentler with time.

  4. profile image0
    sneakorocksolidposted 11 years ago

    We pretend they're not gone and divide up they're gifts!

  5. KCC Big Country profile image85
    KCC Big Countryposted 11 years ago

    I'm sorry HC Porter.  I know some of what you feel.

    I lost my son just 2 wks before his 13th birthday.  For every single birthday and anniversary of his death, we all go to the cemetery and launch helium-filled balloons that have a tag attached to them.  The tag tells that we have launched these in his honor and if found to please contact us with the location.  We've had 3 people contact us over the years. (He died in 2003) It's really amazing how far the balloons go and how sweet the people are that respond. 

    I keep Kevin's memory alive by some of the hubs I've written about him.

  6. wychic profile image83
    wychicposted 11 years ago

    My grandmother was the first person close to me to pass away in 2002, and though I don't even remember the day she passed offhand, the day we scattered her ashes (October 8th) became her memorial day. When I can I go up into the mountains just to spend some time and remember, other times I just take a couple of hours out on that day to remember.

    My nephew passed away last year in March, and though I still tend to think of him very often, he now shares a memorial day with his great-grandmother. I visited his grave once, but as of yet that's just been too much, but I still at least make a mental note on his birthday in September and on his death day in March.

    Now that my son is getting a bit older, he'll be four next month and my nephew would have been five this year, I have been telling him more about his cousin, as well as other people who had a big impact on my life that he will never get to meet. So far I have found nothing quite so peaceful and fulfilling as sharing my memories of these wonderful people with someone else I love. My son loves hearing about them, and someday he'll be old enough to realize just how precious those memories are.

  7. H.C Porter profile image75
    H.C Porterposted 11 years ago

    if people in the world didnt take so much that they have for granted... we wouldnt have so much selfishness. People take their parents, siblings, friends and spouses for granted, and so many never actually tell the people that they love the most, how they really feel-then, all of a sudden, you no longer have a chance to tell them.
    I wish I could take some of those parents out there that beat their children or ignore them, because they are so wrapped up with the ME SYNDROME to see that they have miracles before their eyes-and give them an hour out of the day I lost my son. If every parent felt that pain and heart ache for a single hour, I believe that they would see a child as the most precious gift they have ever received, and start to pay a little more attention and perhaps their children would grow up to be more humane, intelligent, perceptive adults.
    Instead, there will be a bunch of kids that grow up and they too will overlook so much of what a child can offers.

  8. cmlindblom profile image68
    cmlindblomposted 11 years ago

    Whe lost a few guys in our unit and we just get drunk in their honor. That what they would of wanted and what I want if I go.


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