To anyone that has ever lost a loved one or someone close to them what did that loss teach you?
To cherish every moment because it may be the last moment you will ever have with that person. And that every thing can change as fast as the speed of sound!
Since I've always been someone who has been pretty much aware that we don't have the people we love forever, I can't say I learned more than I already knew about how we need to cherish our time with those people while we have it. Instead, I have to say that losing loves ones has made me more and more skilled at coping with that kind of loss (but also smaller losses), as I've perfected "techniques". It's helped me know what works best for me, but some of those losses have made me particularly aware of how little time any of us (even those who live to be 100) have, how quickly it passes, and how there really isn't a lot of time to waste on what doesn't matter to us.
I guess, too, having had those losses has meant I truly understand the shorter term sense of horror (among other things) that can come with it, and the "lower level" kind of sadness that can diminish in "sharpness" over time but that generally can always "stay there" somewhere. Before we've had one of those losses, we know it's an extremely awful thing to lose someone. Once we've had one, or more, of them we have a better idea of the many mental and emotional dimensions and facets there can be. With enough of those losses, we also learn how, while they can be similar in some ways, each one has its own unique set of circumstances and "issues".
Finally, I've learned how to live with a "collection" of those losses and still keep finding my way back to the same, old, happy enough person that I've always been (at least for the most part). I've learned, too, that even though it takes a long time, we do eventually find our way back to the person we've always been (but that it can take longer than those who haven't been through such a loss, and even we, think it should take).
I lost my parents and aside from the horrible grief, I learned a very valuable lesson. I learned to remember that no matter how horrible or difficult things get, time will help. I learned when the grief was so bad I didn't think I could bear the pain, it would ebb slightly. I saw a pattern and knew whenever it got bad, it would improve and I just had to hang on. I have used that in my life when things seem bad, I know that by hanging on, I would see the up side again.
My mum lives thousands of miles away from me and she died in May 2012. One of the things I learnt was whenever you communicate with loved ones, always end up on a good note - even if you quarrel - still make up before you leave them or put the phone down.
I never got to hug my mum good bye, but my last words to her were "I love you, Mum." I always say that to my parents and siblings when I end a call with them.
I find just a little comfort in that.
It is always hard to overcome sadness.
What I am teaching my children that when we parents pass away, they should not be sad but continue to live their lives. Learn what we have taught them and continue to teach their kids in future. Let them understand the cycle of lives.
When I was 15 I lost my father to a work related accident I spoke with him five minutes before he died and my last words were I hate you. I spent alot of my life regretting thoose words wishing I could take them back. I learned through the experince to appercaite who and what you have in life because in a split second it can all be taken away never take anyone or anything forgranted I aslo learned alot about forgivenss I had to learn to forgive myself and my father. I have choosen to learn from my mistakes not regret them.
thank you for sharing. i also have a similar situation. i had a ex that passed from a heart condition and sickle cell anemia and my last words to him were also very hurtful and negative and that hurts me to this day. words do alot to a person...
Besides the obvious lesson that attachment = suffering, I learned how incredibly strong I was. I lost my Mother eight years ago to cancer, I was 22 and became guardian of my then 14 year old sister. Even now, when people remark about how strong and brave I was during that time, it surprises me. At the time I didn't see any other option, I really do think during times like those bring out your authentic self in a way. I'm far braver now, and though times I struggle with the concern of losing others, I remind myself that I've already overcome so much.
It has taught me that sometimes all you can do is let go and pick yourself up, bush yourself off, then keep on going on with your life. I felt for many years that a big part of me died right along with them. Now I realize that isn't necessarily true. Life's experiences will either make you bitter or better. You have the power to choose which one you want and go for it. That's the beauty of life and healing.
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