I have to write this out because my husband said that he is tired of me complaining but if I don’t I will either runaway and abandon my husband and kids or go to the loony bin. Let’s see where I start; my son complaints about what he doesn’t have instead of being grateful of what he does have which is everything…. IPOD X BOX WII so many toys….. his own room in a great house. I calculated how many times I have to tell him to put his seat belt on when we get in the car which (he is 12 years old minus the years that he couldn’t put his own seat belt so lets say 7 years X 365 days per year because we get in the car everyday and the total number is 2,555 times. YOU THINK HE WOULD GET IT BY NOW…….) He chooses not to listen to us when we ask for him to help out or take a bath….. I end up arguing with him after asking him 10X. REALLY 10xs. He is a good students and loving boy but come on enough is enough. He is almost 13 years old and doesn’t tie his own shoe laces…. OMG!!!!! We have tried teaching him sooooo many times. I have told them to pick up after themselves but noooooo. They leave towels, clothers etc… on the floor when they finally take a bath. Soooo I have to stop what I’m doing to go find them in the house to tell them to go and pick up there clothes. I have ask time after time not to leave there shoes by the trampoline. Well guess what…. They both left there shoes by the trampoline on New Year eve and the next day it rained. They barely have shoes because they either loose them or leave it outside in the rain. Lets continue with my daughter, I have asked her to clean up her room time and time again. I have shown her what she needs to do. Guess what that’s right you guess it she stuff everything under her bed and closet. I buy her a new outfit and she leaves it either on her bed then falls asleep on them or throws it in the closet. OMG!!!!!! HELP!!!! I ask them everyday to brush there teeth morning and night. They do it but do u really want to know how they do it??? They put a little bit on the brush pass the brush in the front teeth only spit out and that’s it.. I have to stop what I’m doing take them to the bathroom and brush there teeth to show them time after time everyday……… They complain about what I cook. I have to cook different things to please everyone just because I want them to eat. Moving on to my husband…. Great guy, doesn’t go out with friends and is always home he does great with the laundry but…….. never picks up after himself, I have to go behind him to and pick up after him example put the Milk back because he has left the milk out for hours or pick up something he left in my sink or on the floor. He always forget to give me important messages. Always forgets everything. He chews tobacco and leaves the spit cups everywhere. Jesus it’s disgusting. I have ask him time after time to clean it and put it away when he is done. When I was sick in the hospital he was there for me. Help me to take a bath and never was disgusted with me. He always compliments weather I’m fat or skinny but I feel like when I’m sick it’s a burden to him. Thank god for my mother!!! Who by the way lives 6 hours away. Okay now about me:
Here is what I do: I have to work to help support the house, I clean the house, I take the cars for oil changes, I cook almost everyday and clean up after dinner. Do the food shopping almost every week. My husband will go once in awhile when he needs something. Help the kids with school work and at times do the laundry when my husband travels or he is busy. I feed the dogs and walk them most days. Sometimes my husbands will but I have to ask him. I’m always sweeping the house, my husband will do it once in a while. When I had the flu not one member of this household offer to bring me something to drink or cook or even go and get me a can of soup. I had to make it myself. Now the reason for my break down, yesterday my husband offer to clean up the kitchen so I said “great thanks”. When I woke up this morning he had put the dirty dishes in the dish washer and left the remaining dishes that didn’t fit in the sink which is fine but he didn’t put the rice cooker away, didn’t clean the stove top, didn’t wipe the table down and on top of that he left a can of peanuts, and again his cup with chew on the coffee table. I still woke up to a mess in the kitchen. Kids shoes outside and everywhere around the house OMG!!!! Then this morning like every morning my husband brings me a cup of coffee. He tells me he is going to get some milk. Do you think he would ask if I need anything else from the store. NOOOOOO!!!! So I tried to text him a list of things I need from the grocery store because I wanted to start cleaning out the closets today. Does he take his phone with him noooooo of course not. Then he serves himself cereal and doesn’t even ask if I would like some. Keep in mind I serve him everyday at a dinner. (not lately) Okay so I quit my job because of surgery and now I don’t want to go back to work. I know that all this is non sense and I’m being selfish because I have two healthy kids, a husband and a home but shit I feel like a slave to this family. I feel that they don’t appreciate me. They treat me like crap… Yes I’m always complaining…. I have try different methods for the children to have responsibilities… Choir chart money incentives… I have even taken zanny to go down to there levels and be relax about it but when I look at the house OMG I want to run away. Today I went to make myself breakfast and left such a big mess. Haa lets see how they like it. I’m only washing my laundry lets see how that works and I’m not going to clean the house or bathe the dogs or help anyone with homework or even better yet not cook. I’m tired of this. I’M GOING ON STRIKE.
I know this blog is not well written but I’m angry and can’t think straight. I'M ANGRY CONFUSED AND SCARED... Now
frustrated because I don't know how to post this...
Sorry you are going through this, but reading your post brought back memories!
I went on strike - I was angry. And I did change the familiar patterns.
I posted a sigh - "A failure on your part does not constitute and emergency on my part." Kids have no shoes or only wet ones...I guess you'll have to get through this barefoot or wet. Hubby can't find his things...Well where did you leave them? My son had 1 warning - then a consequence designed to make the experience unpleasant enough to motivate HIM to not repeat it. The hardest part was allowing him to feel the discomfort rather than save him from himself.
Wish you sucess! Holly
well, i would stop buying your daughter new clothes until she learns to respect the pretty clothes she has by taking care of them and hanging them up or folding them neatly and putting them away where they belong.
i would not start the car until my son buckles up. i would also refuse to take him anywhere he wants to go unless he buckles up, no ifs ands or buts.
i would also hide his video consoles and not allow him to play them until he has done his chores. or hide the controllers, since it is too hard to disconnect the Wii, etc.
as far as your husband goes tell him he needs to back you up and do his share around the house, and marshall the kids to do their chorse as well; even moreso if you go back to work outside of the home. they don't value what you do, so stop doing it. they will appreciate it pretty quick.
good luck, and stand firm!
I really feel for you kids can be tough. Husbands can be worse. My kids a grown and getting a taste of what it is like from thier own now. I know that does not help but what goes around comes around as they say. You have 2 healthy kids that need to know you mean what you say the first time. Make it as real for them as it is for you. They only have what you allow them to have and if your son has no video games for a while he ma appreciate them more when you give them back. Likewise with your daughter and here clothes. As far as Hubby is concerned talk to him find out what he is truly comfortable helping with and let him do those things. As for you stop being everything to everyone. Let them carry some of the burden. 50-50 right?
You ARE their slave.
Mothers ARE NOT allowed to get sick.
That said, one way to clean kids' rooms is take everything away to a storage somewhere and make them earn it back. Store it in boxes in your house if they won't get into it without your permission but it sounds like they would.
Shoes? They wear them soaked.
Spit cups? I would never live with that, ever, but if he was doing them when you married him, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe collect them and place them all around his dinner plate every night until he gets the message. You probably won't want to eat that night yourself.
12 year old boys and showers, I don't know what to tell you. For some reason, they think making them take a shower means you hate them. If you scrub him yourself a time or two, he may be embarrassed enough to quit complaining. Or send him back to do it again and again until he's actually clean.
Going away for a week will help you IMMENSELY.
Try to relax and lower your expectations. Oh, and get a time out - go spend a few hours in a spa, or in a bar, or whatever makes you happier. Or, like TLMinut says, disappear for a week. Have some quality time for yourself.
I can't believe how much of a similar story this is to my own family. There's just one difference: I'm not the mother in the story, I'm the daughter (17 years old). I don't know whether words can be comforting to you, but I want you to know that I feel so much sympathy for you. I also want to thank you for helping me realise how much my mum does for us. I have two other sisters and of course my Dad, but it's always my mum who walks and feeds the dog, who empties the dishwasher and cooks the dinner, who washes our clothes and cleans the house, who ends up tidying the house herself after having asked us to do it umpteen times, who I tell to stop nagging because my favourite TV programme is on and I can't hear...and for that I am so sorry. I promise I will help her more from now on, because you have helped me see things from her point of view and how she must feel. Thank you, Daniella.
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