Why does my husband refuse to do anything around the house?

1. 52

   kmackey32posted 15 years ago

   Why does my husband refuse to do anything around the house?
   
   I feel i work and he is on unemployment. Why shouldn't he do household chores? I ended up getting muscle spasms after i lifted a tv, that i was cleaning under while he was sitting there playing playstation, watching me. He ended up having to carry me to the ER.

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2. 58

   guidebabaposted 15 years ago

   There is surely lack of love, communication and mutual understanding. Talk to him. Love him. See if there is any change or get him to a good doctor.

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3. 58

   kwiistposted 15 years ago

   Like I said in my other answer talk to him if you dont love him anymore then leave if your so tired of his BS but i think you do love him because you are asking for help and are still with him

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4. 0

   Lady_Eposted 15 years ago

   Sorry, but I don't see any care here or maybe he resents the fact that you are the breadwinner. Try not to carry heavy stuff....

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5. 52

   kati38posted 15 years ago

   wow listen in no1 ti judge but you should talk to him and tell him whats going on do not argue is not worth it but telll him he should atleast get a jab not to sound rude but hes the man not you hes just letting himself down and lazy the only way you 2 could feel better is if you 2 work as a cuple not just u honey  in a marriege or relationshit w,e you 2 should work everything out half and half the same or help him get a JAB he needs to change for himself nd for you.. you cant be doing everything urself is not fear go ahead nd help urself i hope i help

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6. 80

   Paper Moonposted 15 years ago

   Just tell him how it is, you go out to work, he does work at home.  It is only fair.  When he gets a job, you can split the work at home. 
   He could be depressed and therefor slacking.  In which case sitting down and letting him know that he must pitch in one way or the other may help too.  Should be a partnership.   Good luck.

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7. 61

   Kebennett1posted 15 years ago

   He needs to understand that it takes two to take care of a home and since you are working outside of the home, he needs to do his part by helping inside the home. This does not mean you will not help when you get home, but it does mean that he also has a responsibility to the household and marriage. If he doesn't understand this and it is a consistent problem creating a lot of arguments, I would consider seeing a marriage counselor or your church leader if you are a member of a church.

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8. 57

   Melissa Petersposted 15 years ago

   What I have found is that men will treat women however they are allowed to. That is not to say he does not love and respect you, simply that he thinks what he is doing is ok.
   
   I believe strongly in the sactity of marriage and I certainly don't get the impression that you are looking for an out. It seems more like you are hurt and want to understand. I would recommend a couple of things:
   
   1. Tell him how you feel in a very non-threatening way. Try not to cry when you talk about it, but he has to know, he can't fix what he doesn't know and he can't be held accountable if he doesn't know.  Once you tell him, he knows.
   
   2. Ask him to help.  You may have already tried that...but often as women we tend to think they should notice and just offer. Surely he sees you struggling with the TV and will offer to help? And yet sadly so often they do not. If you ask him to help and he still won't, that changes things becasue then you know he isn't just "not noticing".

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9. 0

   sneakorocksolidposted 15 years ago

   Hey Kmac, He should do the chores  and cook too! On the other hand I have been schooled by the master. My wife makes learning painful if my son or I left our shoes laying around my wife would pick them up and hit us in the head with them! Then she would say, " Oh look! The house fairy is putting your shoes away!". It got so bad that any time she walked behind my son he would duck.
   \
   The best lesson she ever taught me was when she had her wisdom teeth taken out ,all of them, and she was miserable. Well I was young and figured no sense both of us suffering so I went fishing. She never said a thing until about 3 weeks later when I severly sprained my ankle. Well that women made me suffer, she wouldn't get me a drink of water! She made me hop to the kitchen in pain and acted like she didn't even notice. Lesson learned. The next time she was down I made jello and whip cream, hot choclate, soup, cleaned house, changed the channel, and let her pick the show.
   
   You need to be creative! Oh yea! KeBe this is another example of short people being a problem. Peace.

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   1. 52

      kmackey32posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      OH thats funny. I divorced the looser a few years ago...

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10. 67

    J Rosewaterposted 15 years ago

    He obviously feels that it's your house, your money, your effort... your everything. He is even living your life. To have 'ownership' of your own life, you need to make an effort. So far, he is just your tenant. He is not even pay rent. Why should he make an effort? What would he get from it? He's got everything already without having to own it.
    If you stopped earning, cleaning, cooking and providing, he'd have to do something pretty quick smart.
    If talking about it does not help, it's probably because you do not really understand the situation either. Think about it, talk about it, then make some plans that involve you both.
    Good luck

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11. 54

    Rosalind56posted 15 years ago

    You are being taken advantage of.  Don't hold back sex that's silly and you both are punished.  Most men don't talk about things.  Maybe he does feel bad that he is not bringing in the bacon. But don't try and do everything either.  Don't cook if you dont feel like it, make yourself a sandwich for dinner, wash your own clothes and leave his in the basket.  Be loving and don't act resentful....this will confuse him.  Don't be like me and act out when angry and say things that are on your mind but you can't take back.  He might approach you with a simple question like, "what's going on, or what's your problem?"  He might even approah you in anger...but let him come to you and then say, "Do you really want to talk?"   Remember.....marriage is work.  You want to get these things on the table now because when kids come  OH BOY!  YOU THINK YOU GOT IT BAD NOW!.
    Good luck....M

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12. 77

    stricktlydatingposted 15 years ago

    It sounds like he could be depressed.  He has no job and is not doing any work around the house,  spending his days sitting on the couch playing playstation. It might help to encourage him to do some things for you while you're at work - for example by writing him a shopping list (to get him out of the house) and list of other things you need done. You could even make the list look like a little love note.  Try to get him an appointment at some Employment Agencies so he has his name down for at least some casual work.  If all fails, he might see the seriousness of his behaviour if you insist he see a Doctor or Councellor regarding his possible depression symptoms. Also try to communicate with him about your current circumstances, because even though it might be tough with him being without work at the moment, he could look at the situation in a positive way such as if you could look at it as a good opportunity in time for him to get some odd jobs done that he might not have the chance to do if he was working full time.

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13. 60

    lanealaneaposted 14 years ago

    I think its too overwhelming for him. Try tossing out things that you don't need and simplifying the order around the house, making it a little easier for him to to get started. Tthat works for me, and I know that if I have too much going on with papers, cds, photos and nicnacs then I find myself avoiding it completely, this is because I am not good at just quickly organizing a pile of miscellanous. It might not make sense to you as you  seem to be the stronger one in this area. So its a compliment to you. At our place, my husband and I are the opposite, he is capable of doing all of those little things I hate to do and I just can't. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel if you know what I mean. However; when he starts cleaning and sorting things out, I come downstairs and start cleaning and love to because I then see what to do with stuff. No reason to over examine things but what your saying is a big deal, I totally agree with you. I love to clean and organize but if you want to know if your situation will work as ours did, you will know by how long it takes you to clean a room and how long that it takes your husband to clean the room when he does do it. If it takes him forever and you just 45 minutes then you know its the same story as us and if he is a willing spirit and wants to be of help then its good news, maybe you can be the bigger one and step up to help by finding a way to make it a little easier for him to start cleaning and get things done. I didnt actually know I had that problem unitl I saw that it took me 3 hours to clean something he takes 30 minutes to clean. I have other areas I am better at and for us, we try to help eachother with our weaknesses and to use our strengths to grow stronger. Hope this helps and makes some since, I surely understand where your coming from because I always hated not being able to help, its not a good feeling knowing that now I can help out and that the problem is now gone. Good luck to you. Lanea

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14. 60

    the taskmasterposted 14 years ago

    this is an answer if you can honestly say he's not a lazy loser....if until this point he's been helpful in other ways, and not always glued to the playstation, keep reading....
    
    men aren't usually "house keepers" by nature, and since their egos' are pretty fragile, doing that might make him feel like less of a man.
    like some of the others said, you could ask for help in a nice "i need some help, can you run to the store later today?"
    men like to feel needed....it may seem like you're playing a game just to get something you NEED, but men aren't really wired in the same way we are, and some times you have to stroke their ego in the smallest ways....if he feels needed, he'll feel more like a man.
    plus, not bringing home money is depressing, if he's a good man....
    
    IF he's a lazy loser who's always playing around on playstation (which i lived with a guy who was like that for a LONG time) it's just because that's who he is.....again, you have to ask for help, most men don't pick up on cues.....
    
    in both cases, we have to ask for something if we want it....if we don't, we can only blame ourselves for not getting what we need.
    I hope that helped!

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15. 52

    kmackey32posted 14 years ago

    I am now divorced... And never been happier

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16. 59

    zzronposted 14 years ago

    He sounds like a lazy bum but what do I know ?

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17. 70

    onegoodwomanposted 13 years ago

    Really.................NO Thing?
    
    NO THING at all?
    
    the problem is not with the husband...............
    
    
    What kind of  'wife' are you?
    
    
    Do  not  be a door mat...........women are worth more..............

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18. 59

    LeeWallsposted 13 years ago

    He doesn't do it because he knows you will. You need to put your foot down if his behavior gets to you and you feel he's being inconsiderate. Always remember that you're NOT a maid; program that into your mind and see how far you'll get.

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19. 58

    rexyposted 11 years ago

    Some man will never change.. it would make my blood boil.. and latter on in life if you moan too much...than they will refer you to a nagging wife.... if they truely love and care about you they should help... not help not cooked meal..... tough.  Woman are not machines that they have to go out to work come home.. cook and believe you me children are hard work too... men should have better understanding about woman.... l think he should be helping you and take responsibility .. Playing Play station....it wouldn't have taken him 5 minutes to lift a TV....how lazy...

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