How to stop a screaming woman.

1. 0

   Tilecleaninghubposted 13 years ago

   Anyone know how to stop a wife from constantly screaming and yelling at her husband and kids.  My wife seriously will not stop yelling and screaming for no apparant reason.  I guess an example of what I am talking about.  Kid says I can not find my other shoe.  Wife starts immediately yelling "what, dont you see your shoe, are you blind" extremely loud.  Any little thing sets her off.  She will come home from grocery store and be in a bad mood and just start yelling about whatever.  I guess in the olden days you could hit or beat your wife.  I am not gonna do that for obvious reasons.  Dont really care about myself I just pitty the kids.  I know she needs couseling or both of us but we are struggling financially and dont have the time.  I am now in my third day of giving wife silent treatment to see if this will work and does seem to work.  Have tried talking nicely, yelling back which just makes things worse, seemingly every thing possible.  Maybe some of you woman can give me pointers.

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      Sowkgradposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I'm a yeller - but I didn't used to be. I was always the nice one -- the quiet one.  I was the conceeder, the compromiser, the appeaser.  I spent a long time trying to make sure everyone around me was happy.  After years of feeling like no one ever listened -- I found myself getting louder and louder.  I don't know how to explain the frustration that builds when I tell my kids to do something and they do indeed act like idiots.  When my 11 year old "forgets" how to clean his room when he's been doing it weekly for several years.  I am acutely aware of my yelling and most of the time I feel bad.  Sometimes I just wish my SO would step up and help me.  If you don't like her yelling at the children -- step in -- tell her you'll take care of the situation. Or better yet -- help the children become more organized -- be proactive instead of reactive.  Also, let her take a break -- instead of accusing/labeling her as mentally ill -- acknowledge that she's probably overwhelmed.  You and the kids go do groceries - let mom chill for a minute.  I don't think she needs counseling per se -- but an extra pair of hands and maybe a hug.  Be creative and loving -- once she feels listened to -- she'll stop yelling.

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      aguasilverposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Go take a look at:
      
      http://loveandrespect.com/
      
      ...and watch the (free) video.
      
      Men need respect, women need to be loved.... that's the basic gist of the message, but applying it is the difficult part, this is why you need to see the videos or read the book or find out where their next seminar is, invite your wife along, follow the advice, save your marriage and your and your wife's sanity and give the kids a break!
      
      We have done this course, it works.... just looking again at the site, see the 'conference reviews' (more free videos) and if you are willing to make the effort, you will see results.
      
      You are the head of the house, whether you like that or not, and possibly whether your wife recognises and accepts that or not.
      
      If you have relegated your God given authority to her, she will take it willingly or grudgingly, and your relationship will be out of kinter, with her, and with God.
      
      We men love to absolve ourselves of this responsibility, don't go there, it's a big mistake, your ARE responsible for every decision made in the relationship, whether you make the bad decisions or she does, you pay for the errors.
      
      I think I have a hub on this somewhere, if I can find anything useful, I'll email a link to you.
      
      You have already started to solve the problem, just making it transparent in the forums is a start, and a brave one.
      
      Email me from my profile page if you want to discuss this by mail.
      
      John

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      Daniela Daljacposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      She id depressed, to her it looks like no one understand her, not enough money make it worse. Both of you if you love each-other need to sit and talk positive talk stop seeing things as they are that moment start seeing them brighter happier show love respect to one other shove love to kids start smile start to be happy screaming will not change your situation. Women like security you need to convince her it will be better you need to calm her down and to help her with things around home do things together you need to show a lots a  lots of love to one other. And all your problems will slowly stop. All negativity and all negative people sweep away BE POSITIVE!!!!

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      Deborah Sextonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      __________________________
      Sounds like she feels there are too many demands on her, without any appreciation.
      I don't know how old your children are but when they ask for the location of their shoes etc, you may want to help them or teach them to look everywhere first. You might want to offer more support and let her know she is loved and appreciates

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   KCC Big Countryposted 13 years ago

   I'm going to try to ignore the comment about "in the olden days..."  OMG
   
   Anyway, I'm sure it's frustrating for you since you don't have a clue how to help her, but there is obviously something frustrating her as well.  She really needs counseling even if it's free counseling one night a week somewhere.  Many clinics offer free counseling.  It's worth checking into.

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      DanFeerstposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      BINGO.

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   SomewayOuttaHereposted 13 years ago

   yea...have to agree with KCC...counselling....sounds like anger management issues (frustrated with life somehow maybe) that may start to escalate a little further....especially if this is new....

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4. 61

   risatungolposted 13 years ago

   Talk to her. Even if the cause of her behavior may lead back to her experiences way before you met each other, tell her that you are there for her and you will do everything to understand and support her. Women like it when they hear stuff like that from their husbands. This will get her to trust you more and, maybe, she'll try to cooperate more while you are undergoing marriage counseling. I hope it works.

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   wychicposted 13 years ago

   I'll have to go with the other suggestions...make time for counseling. That said, you can't MAKE someone go to counseling if they don't want to go, so it will take some effort, communication, and understanding to make it work. When she's relatively calm, try to talk to her about your concerns -- but be very careful about how you phrase it. If you just want to talk to her about "your yelling" or "how the kids are affected by your actions," it will likely come across as accusatory and she'll just get defensive. You say there are some financial issues and such going on, so I'm going to guess everyone is a little bit stressed; maybe the way to go about bringing up the subject would be more along the lines of "I know things haven't been going well lately and we're all stressed, and I've been thinking that maybe you and I should talk to someone to help get things straightened out and learn a few coping skills."
   
   Resources for counseling differ in each area, and without knowing what country you're in I can't say much definite, but I know that in my little corner of the US there are a lot of mental health centers that offer counseling of all different types on a sliding fee scale. With low enough income, it goes to an optional $10 per session -- they ask that you pay it if you can, but they won't withhold their services if you can't. If these services aren't available, the Department of Family Services (or equivalent) will often be able to help with funding for low-income people to go to private counselors.
   
   And yes...yelling back is the absolute worst thing that can ever be done in this kind of situation, it only adds fuel to the fire.

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   Tilecleaninghubposted 13 years ago

   Thanks a lot.  Have tried the calm talking approach.  She is like a spring that gets all sprung up and then just has to release.  It is physological condition just like an addition to drugs imo.  Definately needs some professional help.

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   prettydarkhorseposted 13 years ago

   Hi, morning. Maybe she is stressed Big TC, but then the children are the ones affected in a negative way, they absorb emotion. Has she been always like that? Be patient with her.

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   psycheskinnerposted 13 years ago

   You "stop" behaviour by understanding what causes it and changing that.  Maybe helping out more, helping her feel less stressed and more supported.

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   paradigmsearchposted 13 years ago

   "How to stop a screaming woman."
   
   Check the hardware before blaming the software.
   
   In other words, a complete and thorough physical should be done before attributing the problem to mental issues.
   
   Applies to both genders.

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      couturepopcafeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I agree.  Sounds like she is seriously missing something in her diet which has affected her emotionally.  Her nerves are strung out.  Her brain is dysfunctional.

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    CASE1WORKERposted 13 years ago

    maybe she has mega pmt chart her bad days and see if there is a pattern,seek help even if from church or voluntary organisation, its no life for either you or the children

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    wychicposted 13 years ago

    I also wonder...does she work, or is she just at home full-time with the kids? Does she have anything that she enjoys doing apart from the home, a hobby or activity that's just hers? It's easy for a lot of stay-at-home moms to start feeling like their home and kids are all there is in life, and all they're good for. This can lead to feelings of stress, possibly feeling neglected by a partner, and feeling overwhelmed by the constant demands that kids bring with them. Everyone needs a break sometime, and if she's not getting one then that could be a very probable culprit. To chalk something up to a mental issue is a pretty strong statement, and unfortunately a severely overused one...we're all human, and all have very human reactions to very stressful and demanding situations.

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    Hotplateposted 13 years ago

    Start taking the kids out to do things on your own.  Spend as little time around her as possible until she can understand that you and the kids are not going to be around her if she is going to act like that.

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    kimberlyslyricsposted 13 years ago

    cash.  works every time

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       Hotplateposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       There you go.  Give her enough money to keep her shopping..

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    Woman Of Courageposted 13 years ago

    She seems to be experiencing a lot of stress. Have a gentle discussion with your wife and tell her that you love her. Ask if there is anything you can do to make things easier. Hopefully this will help.

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    Mikeydoesposted 13 years ago

    Ask for the silent treatment more often! Thats what it sounds like to me.
    
    Those conditions should not be apart of your life, you need to get rid of them tomorrow if possible. Do whatever it takes to keep your kids and yourself happy.

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       CASE1WORKERposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       totally agree with Mikey

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    Tilecleaninghubposted 13 years ago

    Your right mikey, hotplate and wychic.  She has no interests cooking, gardening, etc..  Stays home with kids just makes her more miserable.  She had a job at safeway and hated it and made everyone more miserable.  PMS is like multiplying her bad attitude by 100 every month.  Only time she is happy is when you tell her your taking her shopping or out to eat.  I do take the kids away as much as possible but I have to work.  Like Sowkgrad she used to be quiet but getting worse and worse especially last 3 years.  Thanks for all the tips.

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       BeccaHubbardWoodsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       you mention that she has no interests. have you asked? sounds to me like you're only looking for a little pity and haven't really asked your wife what's bothering her in the first place. or maybe you're one of those that asks but doesn't really hear the answer. either way, you're going to have to get to the root of the problem. you said your wife is only happy when it's time to go out to eat or go shopping, that right there should tell you she wants to get out of the house.
       
       i'm a mother of two small children, my husband works out of town. i find myself screaming a lot because i hate repeating myself a thousand times and still not being heard. i need time to myself to just chill and listen to the silence. that sh!t builds up on a person, and when there is an able bodied person there that will not lift a finger to help, it becomes a tumor inside the person that will eat them alive and eventually cause them to blow up at will.
       
       i may be coming off as a jerk, but really, i don't care. i hate it when men whine about their wives being bitches and don't tell the whole story. there is something bothering your wife, and you haven't stopped to ask her what it is. it could be you, it could be menopause, or it could be some chemical imbalance she is dealing with. but for godsakes, stop playing the victim and get a little proactive in helping her.
       
       p.s. sorry for being a bitch. your post just hit home to me a little too much because my husband whines about me yelling at the kids when he has no idea what it's like to live my life. he's never once stepped foot in my position to see the sheer amount of stress i deal with on a daily basis. i've been stay at home mom, i've been working mom, i've been college mom. the problem is, i have always been miserable because i get absolutely no help and no consideration from the person who is supposed to help me out. didn't mean to come off as a personal attack. i don't know you at all, so sorry if it came off as such.

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       Woman Of Courageposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Tile cleaning, Did your wife once enjoy, cooking, gardening, etc once before? If so, it is very likely she is depressed also, and I feel the silent treatment will make things worse. You need to found out exactly how she feels. She may desire to have a job outside of the home, rather than be home with kids most of the time. I noticed you mentioned in your post below that everywhere your wife go, she makes it miserable for you and the kids. She may desire to have special quality time with you whenever possible. Do you have family members who will keep the kids while you and your wife go out?

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17. 0

    Tilecleaninghubposted 13 years ago

    no not really looking for pitty but I appreciate the tips.    I work two jobs and this may have some reason but it does not explain her desire to scream and yell.  I take kids out as much as possible and try to leave her as much me time as possible.  Seems to work for a while and she is better but the problem is she just seems to like to scream.  She will then make a big yelling session about how I dont wanna be with her.  Well I dont because everywhere we go she makes it miserable for me and kids.  Screaming it is like a drug to her and she gets off on it.  Cant really explain it.  It is like a pit bull that has tasted blood and now can not get enough.  Maybe a bit overblown but that is what it seems. 
    
    If there are any psychologists in the house she watches like two hours of golden girls every night and she is only 38?

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       gracenotesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Terrible that she seems to get off on screaming.
       
       Anatomically and medically, she is on the way to ruining her vocal chords, and that is a fact.  I am a singer.  Also, I cannot help but think of the damage, both physical and psychological, that will arise from this situation.
       
       Although I don't have any suggestions, I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with this problem.

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       Diane Insideposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       That golden girls comment was funny. lol I once knew a little girl who was only 9yrs old who loved that show, she would cry if she didn't get to watch it. lol

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       Madtoonaposted 6 years agoin reply to this

       Bud your wife sounds exactly like mine.
       
       Has she recently lost a person close to her or do any of your kids have challenges?
       
       I try helping when I can but it's never enough and she always finds a way to criticize me for mundane things.
       
       It's probably a good idea to realize you both may have married the wrong person and need to get out BUT now there are kids, bills and mortgage payments so you will need to take a step back and decide...
       
       1. You are going to end up in a messy divorce which is highly undesirable OR
       
       2. You are going to have to face your issues head on and realize your wife is really frustrated with her life and taking it out on you gives her an outlet.
       
       The only problem is that these outlets are destroying your marriage and your kids, I know it has happened to me.
       
       Real life is messy and complicated and there is no shortcut to a less complicated or messy marriage.
       
       Counseling is a waste of time, as are threats to beat her up, leave her or shouting back.
       
       You are going to have to be the better person because clearly she feeds off your energy more than you feed off hers so if you can restore your own drained energy then it will make a difference in your life.
       
       When things are going well for me, my wife is generally placid and content but when I have a shit day she will feed off that energy and have an even shittier day.
       
       Good luck bud, it's not easy but it's. or impossible.

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    paradigmsearchposted 13 years ago

    I was not being facetious when I mentioned a medical exam.
    
    Erratic behavior can be caused by:
    
    A deficiency in certain vitamins/minerals.
    
    An excess of certain vitamins/minerals; due to diet or environment.
    
    Widely erratic blood sugar levels from undiagnosed diabetes.
    
    Tumors in the wrong location; brain or somewhere else that screws up hormones or other blood chemistry.
    
    Even a bacterial infection could cause it.
    
    And probably a 100 other possible medical causes that we would not even know to think about; but a doctor would.

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    rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

    it sounds like she needs a physical check up. I agree with paradigmsearch in that it could be a hormonal imbalance or a deficiency in essential vitamins and minerals. someone who screams all the time obviously has hit a low tolerance level.
    
    
    I would let her know you're concerned about her and that a check-up might help. I would hope she doesn't want to continue to suffer.
    
    people don't just scream to be heard, they scream because they feel they have no voice, that they don't matter to anyone, sometimes feeling worthless. I don't know.. have you ever tried walking over to her and holding her gently when she screams? tell her you love her? everything will be ok?
    
    I hope things work out for all of you. it has to be hard on not only you and her, but especially for the kids. sadly, they will learn to tune out a screaming parent or start being afraid for their own safety.

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    EmpressFelicityposted 13 years ago

    Got to ask you this: when was the last time the two of you ever had a conversation that wasn't to do with either your kids or really mundane stuff like what you're going to have for dinner that night or whose turn it is to take out the rubbish?

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    restoremyheartposted 13 years ago

    Have you thought about getting away with her?  Taking her to a nice place, to just relax and be pampered?  Maybe the kids could stay with a relative or some friends?  If she gets out of her surroundings, this may be a good time to unwind and to figure out some things that could be changed around the house, and with what has been the normal routine?  You of course want her to be happy, if she is calm, it may be a good time to say...honey, I want you to be happy, what can I do, to help you find something that you enjoy doing?  See if you can set some new goals, yet be ready to follow through with her requests.  I'm no expert, just some ideas, that I hope can help:)

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22. 72

    Diane Insideposted 13 years ago

    She has not learned that it is not acceptable behavior. Because you tolerate it. My husband has a bad habit of yelling in the car at everyone on the road it is not directed at me, but it is very annoying and it makes me on edge anytime I am riding with him. 
    
    After I realized this is the way he is all the time, I put a stop to it. I told him that if he does it again, when we are in my car and he is driving, he will pull over and let me drive, and he will walk home.
    
    He didn't listen and one night he started yelling at everybody who got in his way. I promptly made him pull over and get out. I moved over to the drivers seat, and drove home without him. He walked home.
    
    That was the last time he did it. We never had another issue with it ever again.
    
    So what I am saying is when she yells, leave, take the kids and leave, she will eventually see that you will not tolerate it.

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       Woman Of Courageposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Diane, Good for you! You solved the problem.

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          Diane Insideposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Thank you, I didn't like doing it, and he was sore at me for a while, but he just didn't understand how much it frayed my nerves when he did that.
          
          Anyway yes it solved the problem, Thank Goodness.

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    china manposted 13 years ago

    My advice would be to ignore the male supremacy god given rubbish - go with the counselling.  I had similar situation with my now ex-wife and the screaming focussed manly on my son, about 15 or 16 then. that was to do with her stress levels arising from our clearly failing marriage (nobody else involved) - she remained pretty impossible until our divorce about five years later.  She is happy now, I am really happy now, my son was the only ones really affected I think.

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       aguasilverposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       So your considered advice is to await a divorce.... that sounds like a dumb idea!
       
       
       I'd go with God! - in fact I did, and it worked out fine.

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          china manposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          I would guess that divorce is where it is going - unless 'she' goes the god route and accepts that 'he' is to be listened to and obeyed.  For him going the god way will not affect anything I think ?

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             aguasilverposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             Now it's obvious that you know nothing about biblical principals to keep a marriage wholesome and healthy....
             
             But then I remember that you are REALLY Alternative Poet and his posts were always ill informed also.
             
             Divorce (with children involved) is a disaster in the making, and pity the poor children subjected to such selfishness.
             
             Marriages need WORK to become what God intended them to be, something which obviously non believers cannot understand, yep, it's much easier to 'split' and get back to our selfish ways rather than come together.
             
             The one aspect of a believers marriage that eventually makes the union a good one is that BOTH partners look to Christ as their first love, and if two people are aiming in the same direction, eventually they meet and conjoin, for they both seek the same thing.
             
             Ephesians 5
             
             Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).
             
             Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.
             
             For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body.
             
             As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.
             
             Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
             
             So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word,
             
             That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless].
             
             Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.
             
             For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church,
             
             Because we are members (parts) of His body.
             
             For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
             
             This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church.
             
             However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.]
             
             ....and this just confirms it...
             
             £100bn cost of broken homes: Tory minister declares children whose parents split are NINE times more likely to commit crime
             By STEVE DOUGHTY
             
             Iain Duncan Smith said the collapse of marriage was behind Britain's crime figures
             
             Children from broken homes are nine times more likely to commit a crime than those brought up in stable families, a senior Cabinet minister warned last night.
             
             Iain Duncan Smith said the collapse of marriage had brought soaring crime rates, doubled the chances of living in poverty and cost the country an astonishing £100billion a year.
             
             
             Read more:
             http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article … z14KTGWJJO

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                Woman Of Courageposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                You are absolutely right!

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                china manposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                Yep - that will be the way to save a marriage - keep singing those hymns and look at your god instead of at each other !   Then put on a smiley face when you go out and keep the abuse and screaming and horror of a failing marriage behind closed doors and curtains.  Seen it all too often.
                
                And if you are seeking advice from that weird little Iain Duncan Smith you are in deep trouble - failed marriages are to blame for poverty now huh ?  couldn't posibly be the other way around I don't suppose !
                
                The OP saiys quite clearly they are in money trouble, he is trying to hold down two jobs and they can't make ends meet !  I think the OP is in a perfectly normal situation in the UK or in the US at the moment due to the financial mess that the politicians wallow in as they lick Corporate @ss.

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                   aguasilverposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                   I've seen that, I'm not supporting false religious expression any more than you would, I'm stating that IF people will follow Gods advice, things will work out.
                   
                   I see that all the time.
                   
                   I agree most folk are fake and pretend to be 'good' in an attempt to show righteousness... they simply do not understand scripture.
                   
                   
                   
                   Both ways actually.... I guess Iain did not have the gannas to say outright that it was the moral decline and lowering of standards that have brought the current situation about, but looking at the newspapers it's sufficient to know that the current politicos do at least acknowledge that the turn away from morality has led to a decline in social standards... ergo divorce increases and with the instability economics decline.
                   
                   It's a two way street... where he could be correct is the correlation between broken homes and crime figures.
                   
                   
                   
                   Agreed.
                   
                   We only differ in the solutions.
                   
                   Now lets stop this as we are really off topic, maybe we can start a new topic?
                   
                   Are secular policies or religious morality the cause of the breakdown in society?
                   
                   That would be more appropriate!
                   
                   I hope that the family involved gets counselling.

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    sofsposted 13 years ago

    Tile cleaning Hubs, there is so much concern and good advice here,
    I was just thinking may be you need to relax ..give yourself  and your wife some time with no stress... I have a suggestion.. get someone to watch the kids and both sit together and watch this movie.. I think it is called "Fireproof"... an awesome movie with a wholesome message.
    
    Has worked for a good friend of mine.. check it out! God Bless.

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       wychicposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Yep, it is Fireproof ...my mom gave my husband and I the movie and the daily book that goes with it as a wedding present, they really are great suggestions that help remind people about the basics of a loving relationship even when kids, life, and work get in the way. Warning: the movie itself is a bit hokey, but don't let that detract from the message.

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    Disturbiaposted 13 years ago

    I've got a wicked bad temper and I've done my share of screaming and yelling, but usually it's for a good reason (like a cheating husband). I say take her to a doctor to get her checked out, then put her on some meds.  Anybody who over reacts and screams like that has problems. 
    
    This screaming is just verbal abuse towards you and your children, which none of you should have to tolerate.  It will eventually effect all of you in negative ways if it is not stopped or controlled.  It must be having a terrible effect on your wife as well.
    
    If no physical or psychological disorder can be found that might be causing this behavior, and she is just a rude person who can't control herself and speak to others in a respectful tone and manner, I say escort her to the front door and show her the way out.

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    Home Girlposted 13 years ago

    A "silent" treatment is a coward's way out. Screaming damages kids much more than you think. If you do not understand that fully, you should. You cannot subject them to such "lifestyle". You have to talk to your wife once when she is calm and if she continues doing it - leave with kids. If necessary - forever. It's not a good life for any of you. Let her "walk home", as Diane did.

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    Tilecleaninghubposted 13 years ago

    Thanks for all the advice.  Like I said I tried the calm approach but she will turn it into an excuse to act childish and start a fight.  Ya a vacation will sooth her out for a while but it is just like winding a top.  No matter what happens or where we go she will get so high strung and eventually has to release.  It really is physiological imo.  Divorce is not where I want to go because of the kids.  Really believe that it is not right with kids.  Thanks all.  Counseling is really where we should be going I know.

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       Tilecleaninghubposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       For the record I guess I am not perfect but I do work as much as I can to provide, dont cheat, do drugs, drink and neither does she.   I do yell at times but not often and to me it just seems totally different.  A man yelling at times to get things done is ok but her screaming and yelling for no reason just seems plain wrong.

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          Woman Of Courageposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Hi Tile cleaning, I think it's a reason why she is screaming and yelling. I hope you consider contacting aquasilver. I hope the best for your marriage. Take care.

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          Deborah Sextonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          ______________________
          That's one of your problems..You think her feelings and yelling isn't right, but yours is.
          Stop devaluing her and what she sees as a problem. Emotions are not wrong, they are just a part of us. If it's wrong to feel frustration and anger, it's wrong to be happy and feel pleasure.

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28. 60

    paradigmsearchposted 13 years ago

    .
    It is time for this thread to die…

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    1. 0

       Tilecleaninghubposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       i agree

       replyreport
29. 60

    Daniela Daljacposted 13 years ago

    http://hubpages.com/hub/Positive-thinki … -HAPPINESS
    
    READ THIS MAY HELP AS WELL AND I RECOMMEND YOU BOTH TO READ THE SECRET GREAT BOOK!!!
    HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!

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30. 59

    6hotfingers3posted 13 years ago

    Your wife may have a hearing problem. You know people with hearing problems tend to yell. Have her check with the doc. But in all honesty,the damage is being done to the entire family.The children are the primary victims. They don't know what to do to keep the peace. They become sullen and confused. Ask your wife to take an inventory of what she is doing to the children when she yells about nearly everything. The damage caused by her yelling will show up years down the road.

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31. 50

    Just me hereposted 12 years ago

    The page is telling me this forum is inactive. I would wager about 75 percent of spouses are either dealing with this problem or have been through it (or are divorced).
    
    I was a yeller and don't yell anymore. Between 35-45 a lot of women go through a really hard time. Probably men do too. Its an awful period whether you are together or apart. Its like the terrible twos. A stage that affects some people more than others but which everyone passes. A lot of personal growth is required during this period. Really, do you know any 50 year olds who are still yelling? Maybe that cantankerous woman down the street.
    
    The question is whether you want to help her through this period or abandon her in a time of need.
    
    How do I think you can help?
    
    1. First of all I believe there is a huge physiological component. Make sure she is drinking Chamomile tea and do this for your sake, not hers. It calms the heart. It may be inadequate but it helps.
    
    2. Count the days. One week before her period is going to be the worst. Don't be mad at her for being PMS, remind her gently, ask what you can do to help calm her down.
    
    3. Wear the pants, fix the problem. No one yells before they reach their limit. If she has reached her limit, step in. Its like the footsteps in the sand story. Be the hero. Tell her she has 15 minutes of your life, she'll tell you its not enough but give her the 15 minutes anyways and see how far it goes. You should have 15 minutes of peace anyways. Whatever she wants, give it to her. If that's helping the kids find their shoes, or getting them started on their homework, taking out the garbage, whatever it is, just do it.
    
    4. Love her. Those that deserve it the least, need it the most. This is the true test of your love. Challenge yourself to overcome your reactions to her emotional upheaval by being the stabilizing force. Loving her includes sexual satisfaction so admit that you could learn a little more with respect to satisfying her sexually. It also includes affection. Hug her more. Just behind her heart is the button to calm her down. She might be defensive but if you can get to that button you can actually put a little pressure by way of a hug and actually bring her to tears, releasing all that emotional energy that is causing her to yell.
    
    5. Support her. Women give up everything that they are when they are raising the children. Encourage personal growth. You think she has no interests? Just watch her as a single divorced woman. She'll grow and you'll be watching from the penalty box.
    Divorce is no more fun than marriage. If she's too tired to pursue her interests, I prescribe Ginseng. That's give her a little more energy to do her thing rather than concede to the TV.
    
    You too will need support. Support her and support for you will come from somewhere else. I don't know where. Who knows. Its there.
    
    Good luck.

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32. 71

    R.S. Hutchinsonposted 12 years ago

    I can't stand people (in general) that yell. I don't tolerate it and as soon as someone starts I politely remind them that if they don't talk in a normal tone I will cease communicating with them.
    
    With that said, if yoru wife continues to yell at the children it will only cause the children to grow up yelling. If you don't want your children to suffer that, then ought to tell her straight that she needs to control herself or that you will remove the children from being around her.

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33. 51

    HeligKoposted 12 years ago

    I read all these understanding, compassionate responses, and all I have to say is rubbish. My soon to be ex-wife screams at the kids screamed at me. I did all the nice  guy crap. None of it works. Its not you. Its her. Tell her that on no uncertain terms is this behavior acceptable, and if she doesn't get control of herself and learn to manage her anger, then she needs to leave.  None of the other suggestions will work one lick unless she has both a desire to change and a motivation to change. And no it is not my wife's anger that has us separated, it is her inability to control herself in many areas of her life. The anger should have been a clue that there were other problems I wasn't seeing at the time.

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34. 59

    lynnahelwigposted 12 years ago

    Totally agree with HeligKo.  We are all responsible for our own emotions and the behaviors that follow.  No one can make us do or not do something, it's completely up to us to make a conscious decision to change.  You can only determine how you choose to behave or react to your wife when she behaves this way.  Serious lack of self control and emotional modulation.  Choosing to not allow her erratic and unacceptable behavior to impact your own attitude and behavior is the best course of action for you and the children.  I agree with what  HeligKo suggested , tell your wife point blank and and in love that her behavior is not acceptable, give her the opportunity to get help and change and then back it up with consequences such as having her leave the home, etc.  Talk to her about a specific time frame for her to accomplish at least reaching out to a counselor for an appt or anger management classes, etc.  You need to develop these boundaries so she knows you mean business and then you have to follow through with consequences when she does not comply.  I also suggest getting yourself and the kids into counseling for your own sanity and mental health.

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    1. 59

       John Holdenposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I do think that after nearly a year and a half this problem will probably have resolved itself one way or another!

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35. 63

    Greek Oneposted 12 years ago

    Solution:
    
    Get off of her sister and tell her it will never happen again

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36. 81

    ngurecoposted 12 years ago

    At 38, she may have started midlife crises. Severe cases of midlife crisis may lead to depression, and what she may need now is psychotherapy.

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37. 60

    Disturbiaposted 12 years ago

    Get her to a doctor.  She can't be enjoying these temper tantrums anymore than anyone else is.  All that yelling is more than just a sign of complete disrespect for the family.  She sounds like she needs some serious meds and the sooner the better.

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38. 59

    Arielqiaoposted 12 years ago

    I am a woman.I don't like yelling at others, but sometimes, when I am pressed, when I am obsessed by something or when there are too much matter need me to deal with, I will feel fidgety. Then when I see something wrong, I will be out of control. On the contrary, if I don't need to worry about anything or I think every thing is under my control, I will feel peaceful and I will smile all the way. So you get what I mean? You have to figure out why your wife always yells. If yelling has become nature to her, you should help her change it. Every time when she is going to yell, you can remind her not to yell. However, you should be careful about your own tone. You should say your words kindly and humorously.

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39. 85

    Express10posted 12 years ago

    Sounds like she is completely stressed out and doesn't know how to cope. There needs to be much more communication about this as this type of thing can push not only the kids but you away as well. She would not want to be treated this way by anyone and it's not right for her to do it do anyone else and expect respect and love in return especially over minor things such as finding a shoe.
    
    Perhaps she feels overwhelmed and unappreciated but she needs to talk about these things not scream.

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40. 61

    Nicicleposted 9 years ago

    I see it's been four years.  How is your wife today?  You are still married, am I right?  Well, you're in luck, because I think I have the answer to your query.  Read...
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/re … r-husbands

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