Hi Everyone, I would like you all to give me some feedback on this article. If you could also proof read it, I would be very happy. I want to submit it to Letterpile, but I need an extra set of eyes first. Thank you all in advance!
Kari, the only thing I noticed was the bio. It is not appropriate to the topic, which is why HP provides us with the ability to write so many bios. If I am publishing a hub about my horses I am not going to include a bio about my work with aggressive dogs, right? You might want to change that.
I am not a good editor, as I tend to get drawn into the story and skip the mechanics. I did notice one little glitch:
You wrote: "Tonia became friends with Lori, than fell for Lori’s husband." You may have meant to say "then" instead of "than".
I think your article may help others with similar experiences to examine their own reactions and responses.
You have a good story here but you need to go through and edit it some more. Read it out loud and make corrects. Take a break, come back and do it again. You are on the right track, but it just needs more work. : )
Your first four paragraphs are a little abstract to the reader. For instance I had to go back and reference "started this job".
I would like to see an explanation of the sentence concerning the snide comments at the beginning of their friendship. Why? What is it about Lori that caused the comments? Was she always unloading on someone at the office? The writing became more informational as the story progressed. It's like when the dam burst, so did the information.
I didn't proofread it because of lack of time, but I hope this helps.
This does help. Thank you very much for taking the time to read it and comment. The truth is I never figured out why they said those things about her. I am very clueless in many ways, and do not understand people very well. Thanks again, MizBejabbers!
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