Hi Everyone, I would like you all to give me some feedback on this article. If you could also proof read it, I would be very happy. I want to submit it to Letterpile, but I need an extra set of eyes first. Thank you all in advance!
Kari, the only thing I noticed was the bio. It is not appropriate to the topic, which is why HP provides us with the ability to write so many bios. If I am publishing a hub about my horses I am not going to include a bio about my work with aggressive dogs, right? You might want to change that.
I am not a good editor, as I tend to get drawn into the story and skip the mechanics. I did notice one little glitch:
You wrote: "Tonia became friends with Lori, than fell for Lori’s husband." You may have meant to say "then" instead of "than".
I think your article may help others with similar experiences to examine their own reactions and responses.
You have a good story here but you need to go through and edit it some more. Read it out loud and make corrects. Take a break, come back and do it again. You are on the right track, but it just needs more work. : )
Your first four paragraphs are a little abstract to the reader. For instance I had to go back and reference "started this job".
I would like to see an explanation of the sentence concerning the snide comments at the beginning of their friendship. Why? What is it about Lori that caused the comments? Was she always unloading on someone at the office? The writing became more informational as the story progressed. It's like when the dam burst, so did the information.
I didn't proofread it because of lack of time, but I hope this helps.
This does help. Thank you very much for taking the time to read it and comment. The truth is I never figured out why they said those things about her. I am very clueless in many ways, and do not understand people very well. Thanks again, MizBejabbers!
by Rupert Taylor 2 years ago
A big thank you to Bev, who posts under the screen name of The Ragged Edge. She offers a lot of advice to newbies trying their hand at writing. The guidance, while always graciously offered, is not always graciously received. (I've had similar experiences and it gets a bit discouraging.) Bev must...
by Moushami 23 months ago
Hi Hubbers,I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Water drinking habit (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!
by Skyler Saunders 2 years ago
Please help me get my article featured. It is entitled "Ignite to Inspire". Thank you in advance.
by Emma Ignatius 13 months ago
Hi Hubbers,I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub A Message to Men. (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!
by Susan Sears 13 months ago
Hi Hubbers,I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article Quaker Parrots Amazing Pets (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!
by Mary Green 6 months ago
Hi Hubbers,I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article What Are Superfoods?. What can I do to improve? Thanks!Oh by the way...My Hub was featured until I received two emails from "moderators" with suggestions on how to...
Copyright © 2018 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|