I would like feedback on 2 articles of mine!

1. 61

   Leigha Havardposted 6 years ago

   They are published but not featured for quality!
   A tale to tell and Bully, stop bullying!

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   1. 95

      daydreamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      You should post the links so we can look.

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      1. 61

         Leigha Havardposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         They won't let me post links bcuz "self-promotion"

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         1. 96

            DrMark1961posted 6 years agoin reply to this

            It is not self promotion to ask for help when an article is not featured because of quality. You should have put this under the forum category "Improving Your Article" but that is no big deal.
            I read your bullying article and agree with Rupert. The first part just seems like an intro for a blog, and HP is looking for in depth magazine style articles. Where is the rest of the article? You told an anecdote, which was moving, but then just stopped. What about including ways to stop bullying, or help kids that are bullied feel better? You need to expand this article. If you do not, even if it is featured it will not be moved to a niche site. You need to make it excellent so that it will be moved and you will get better traffic.

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            1. 61

               Leigha Havardposted 6 years agoin reply to this

               I updated the bully one and put the intro at the end

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            2. 61

               Leigha Havardposted 6 years agoin reply to this

               Oh she meant the link to the article I thought she was asking about the links I took off an article

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   2. 61

      Leigha Havardposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      https://hubpages.com/literature/Explain … -Fairytale

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      1. 61

         Leigha Havardposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         https://hubpages.com/education/Bully-stop-bullying

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2. 95

   Rupert Taylorposted 6 years ago

   I found the bullying article. It's a personal account that would work better as a blog. HubPages looks for unique, media-rich, informative, magazine-style articles.
   
   Your article is too short. The minimum is 700 words, 1,000 to 1,500 or more is better.
   
   For style, 2nd, 3rd, 5th etc should be written out as second etc. Numbers below ten are always written out.
   
   Do you have permission to use the image? It needs to be Creative Commons licensed.
   
   You need to spend some time here https://hubpageshelp.com/

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   1. 61

      Leigha Havardposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I created them myself!

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3. 96

   theraggededgeposted 6 years ago

   Here are my suggestions:
   
   Put your title and sub-headings into title case. Hubpages is using APA standard now. There's a website you can use to check your capitalization, but I can't recall it right now.
   
   It's How It Affects Someone (not effects... affect is a verb, effect is usually, but not always, a noun). And maybe change that vague 'someone'. How Bullying Affects Your Teen. Be direct.
   
   Your grammar needs some work. Try pasting it into the free app, Grammarly, then into Hemingway for style tips. For example, you have mixed tenses in this sentence, "The individual getting bullied will never forget what was done or said to them." You can make it more immediate by making it personal to the reader, "You never forget what bullies do and say to you. It stays with you all your life." More impact.
   
   Following on, try to get rid of any vague or woolly terms. Write TO your reader. Imagine if you were writing this for a mother who came to you for advice regarding her kid. Really speak to her.
   
   It ends on a negative note. How about offering some hope or suggestions for action? How the victim can throw off the victim label? How to get past it?
   
   And, yes, it should be longer. A topic such as this could easily run to 2,000 words if dealt with thoroughly.
   
   I'm sure you can make this work because you have a unique style and a certain determination to succeed. Just hone your writing craft.

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   1. 61

      Leigha Havardposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I updated it again and I just read this so I'll have to go back.. I added another text box!

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4. 96

   DrMark1961posted 6 years ago

   This is the capitalization tool
   https://capitalizemytitle.com/

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5. 95

   Rupert Taylorposted 6 years ago

   Bit off topic. But, Bev your advice is top notch. I always read it to improve my own writing.

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6. 61

   Leigha Havardposted 6 years ago

   Thanks for the advice, I still have a lot of editing to do!

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7. 92

   Rochelle Frankposted 6 years ago

   I agree with Rupert, you are a worthy successor to Marisa.

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   1. 96

      theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Oh... no. Marisa is excellent at, well everything to do with writing on-line. I just regurgitate stuff I read in writing books and courses. I'm always trying to improve, and the best way to learn is to teach someone else. It's for selfish reasons
      
      I highly recommend Udemy - when they have sales on you can get hold of the best writing courses for around $10/£10.

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8. 93

   Kenna McHughposted 6 years ago

   This is a good thread and helpful.

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   1. 61

      Leigha Havardposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I've updated my bully article just now!

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      1. 96

         theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         Don't forget to use title case for your main title and sub-headings. It should be: Bully, Stop Bullying!
         
         Don't overdo exclamation marks. Only use them when making an exclamation like 'Yes!' They rarely belong in an article, although I think it's fine in your title.
         
         Try to eliminate too many 'that's. Test your sentences. If it works without 'that', delete it.
         
         Here's an example: "The 1st bully that I encountered was in the 2nd grade!"
         
         "I first encountered a bully in the 2nd grade."  That gets rid of the dead verb 'was'. Get rid of those too--you have loads of them. Tip: Go to your article, press ctrl F, type in 'that' in the search box that appears. See how frequently it appears. Then try 'was'. Then do your best to eliminate them.
         
         If you want to be a professional writer, you need to tighten up your style and learn how to prune unnecessary words. Read up about active and passive voice (you use a lot of passive voice). Research what makes a good article. Read lots of them and analyse what's good and what's bad. There are some great writing blogs and websites out there that can help with grammar and style.
         
         Keep writing and reading - you'll improve all the time.

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         1. 61

            Leigha Havardposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            Ok, thanks that helps a lot!

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         2. 61

            Leigha Havardposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            it's 1,079 words now, that's after cleaning up some of the dead verbs. I don't know if I got them all or not.

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               theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

               That's a good length. Let's keep fingers crossed it's chosen for one of the network sites

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               1. 61

                  Leigha Havardposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                  Thank you!

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                  1. 61

                     Leigha Havardposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                     My bullying hub is featured now!..

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