I wanna get feedback

1. 37

   Maikel Helenposted 6 years ago

   hey, I made the change to this content. Could you check and say any changes do I need?
   https://hubpages.com/travel/15-Best-Saf … or-Seniors

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2. 89

   theraggededgeposted 6 years ago

   You've already posted a thread for this hub. No need to keep doing it.
   
   Also "I wanna get feedback..." is not the best way to ask. It sounds like you are demanding that we fix your hubs.
   
   I've already given you some feedback on it, and there are still grammatical errors all the way through. Did you try Grammarly? If you've done that, you can also use Hemingway to help you with the general style. As a 'content specialist', your writing needs a lot of improvement.
   
   Why are you using a generic photo for your profile? Tip: use your own photo or some kind of personal emblem if you don't want to reveal your face. Don't use someone else's, especially one that appears all over the web.
   
   On your hedgehog article you write, "You will be quite happy as we are going to release another episode. Let’s dive into the content!"
   
   Hubs are not 'episodes'. You aren't making a TV series or podcast. They are articles. This kind of writing is never going to be moved to a network site, which is where you need your work to be.
   
   You cannot use photos from Google. You have to use photos that are licensed to be used on a commercial site. https://hubpageshelp.com/content/Learni … -image-use
   
   You linking to a spammy site about the loss of a pet. Hedgehogs aren't pets. And your link is masquerading as 'other animals'. If you are trying to use HubPages for backlinks, don't. It's not permitted unless done correctly.
   
   I don't wish to be mean, and it will sound harsh, but there are so many errors on your articles that I can't list them all. You really need to spend some time in the Learning Center so you understand what is required.

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3. 86

   Marketing Meritposted 6 years ago

   You provide a link to a home alerts system. This is self-promotion and not permitted here.  This article will never be approved with that link in it.
   
   Although Bev has already given you feedback, the comments remain valid. For example:
   
   My traveling experiences shape me fully a complete woman.
   ‘how I prepare the trip with my boyfriend’. I know there is some kind of obstacle due to her age.
   You could take a medical examination at least 4 weeks ago of your trip to check your health.
   
   Aside from being grammatically incorrect, it doesn't make any sense. English doesn't appear to be your first language. You need to work on this.
   
   Hope this helps.

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4. 37

   Maikel Helenposted 6 years ago

   thanks!

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5. 99

   Gregory DeVictorposted 6 years ago

   You wrote:
   
   “You might choose an appropriate destination that suits your interests. You should plan before you go to any new area. You can take a reservation and contact the hotel where you want to stay. It would be better if you look at the restaurant where you want to eat. Taking an advance reservation would be a great idea for the trip.”
   
   These five sentences are short and choppy and need to be combined into fewer units.

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6. 99

   Gregory DeVictorposted 6 years ago

   You wrote:
   
   “If you use home alerts system, you shouldn't leave it at home. It will provide you an extra comfort to be out of risk. If you have an accident in the room, you'll have only a pressing button to take help.”
   
   Once again, these sentences are short and choppy and need to be combined into fewer units.

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7. 99

   Gregory DeVictorposted 6 years ago

   You wrote:
   
   “You should not forget to take the necessary medications. You can consult with your personal doctor before you go to the trip.”
   
   What do you need to consult your doctor about?

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8. 99

   Gregory DeVictorposted 6 years ago

   You wrote:
   
   “I know it's not possible for her as there is a kind of obstacle due to her age. As she became older, a few considerations were added to our top list. Finally, we got a safe, fun and exciting trip that my mom appreciated a lot. And she said I never knew I would have this secure trip ever!”
   
   I don’t mean to be redundant, but these are short and choppy sentences that put unnecessary demands upon a reader.

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9. 99

   Gregory DeVictorposted 6 years ago

   You wrote:
   
   “You may not be a safe person when you go somewhere you have never gone before. So, looking for travel insurance is a good idea for seniors. There is no guarantee that any accident can happen any time.”
   
   These are short and choppy sentences that put unnecessary demands upon a reader.
   
   You wrote:
   
   “Investigate if you have that service, otherwise, there are plenty of insurance that may cover your needs.”
   
   This is a run-on sentence. To alleviate the problem, remove the comma and insert a semicolon after the word “otherwise.”

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10. 99

    Gregory DeVictorposted 6 years ago

    You wrote:
    
    “You should include your doctor's name, phone number and email address, name and number of your travel insurance, a list of allergies and the medications that you are currently taking.”
    
    This sentence needs to be edited because it is borderline run-on.

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11. 37

    Maikel Helenposted 6 years ago

    Thanks a lot for your cooperation!

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    1. 99

       Gregory DeVictorposted 6 years agoin reply to this

       It would have been more appropriate for you to have written something like “Thank you for your time.” I was NOT cooperating with you but wanted to help you.
       
       If you don’t want people to point out your writing mistakes, then DON’T ask for help and keep getting rejected.
       
       I see that Bev already had to reprimand you above. So, here is some of my unsolicited advice: You had better learn--the sooner, the better--how to properly and courteously interact with others on this forum. You need to learn this in addition to how to write a sentence that is not full of grammatical errors.
       
       Good luck with your writing career at HP.

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    2. 0

       Ivan Hernandezposted 6 years agoin reply to this

       They were trying to help you, but you don't listen. I read your article, but your article is too poorly written to read. You've made grammar, punctuation, present tense, past tense, future tense, spelling, title and subtitle errors. You say you need help, but you actions contradict what you are saying. Either improve all 4 of your articles, or create a website and post your articles on your site. Reality check; not all people are perfect. Spamming is against the TOS. Excessive spamming is egregious and borders on ridiculousness. I can't say any more. I'm done helping you. We're done helping you. Admin. You know what you must do.
       
       I hope you learn to be more courteous and kind to others.
       
       As I keep saying in forums, I've gotta bolt out of here. As I speak, my articles are gaining traction. I'll improve the below-average articles while trying to maintain the network articles.
       
       Improve your attitude and your articles. Once you improve your hubberscore to at least 75 (not that it matters because Hubberscores don't matter anyways), then I'll consider following you.

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       1. 99

          DrMark1961posted 6 years agoin reply to this

          After seeing the OPs text box about "Who would win in a fight, a porcupine or a hedgehog?" I decided not to bother helping. Thanks for jumping in and making those helpful comments! You are right that none of us are perfect.

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          1. 0

             Ivan Hernandezposted 6 years agoin reply to this

             Thank you for your comment. I almost always give out great advice.

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             1. 89

                theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                

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12. 92

    Kenna McHughposted 6 years ago

    I suggest you take your time. If you need to go sentence by sentence or paragraph by paragraph. Make sure you are clearly communicating your intent. It's hard work but worth it if you want to be a professional writer.

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13. 99

    Gregory DeVictorposted 6 years ago

    Ivan, you said it all and did it exceptionally well!

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    1. 0

       Ivan Hernandezposted 6 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you!! Thank you!! That was nothing. With age comes wisdom. With expertise comes someone to reprimand.

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       1. 89

          theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

          

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14. 84

    FatFreddysCatposted 6 years ago

    Ivan with a cinder block for the win. CRRRRUNCH!!

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    1. 0

       Ivan Hernandezposted 6 years agoin reply to this

       FatFreddysCat giving me a thank you? Unexpected. Also, thanks. In my two years of writing, I learned quite a thing or two about the TOS, forum etiquette, and how to write proper articles. Couldn't have done it without Bev, FatfreddysCat, and my two forum bans.

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15. 89

    theraggededgeposted 6 years ago

    I don't think the OP meant to offend. She probably meant 'thanks for your help'.

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16. 89

    theraggededgeposted 6 years ago

    The two articles are unpublished now.
    
    I've followed a few of the links and the OP seems to be writing similar content on various sites. I think she's probably just following previous bad advice about SEO and content creation. Her English indicates that it's not her first language, so we shouldn't be too hard on her.
    
    @Maikel or Betsy: Unfortunately, HubPages demands a high standard of English and article creation. In order to earn money here, you have to have excellent writing skills. It takes a lot of work and research into what makes a good hub.

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    1. 0

       Ivan Hernandezposted 6 years agoin reply to this

       You, madam theraggededge, are correct. Only 10% of us has English as a first language. My first language is Spanish, but I mastered English at a young age, with grammatical errors at first. As soon as I joined Hubpages in 2016, I knew that I needed to step up my game, so I sought out advice and made some new friends. Now, I gave out advice to her, and she won't listen. But you're right. Maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh on her.

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