Need your feedback on my article

1. 95

   Ekcedeonposted 7 years ago

   Hello!! Friends, I know you have helped me before but am still relatively new here. I need your feedback on my article: "5 Things That Make Family Bonding Worthwhile and Unforgettable."
   link: http://hub.me/am437
   
   Thanks in advance and be as critical as possible.

   replyreport
   1. 81

      theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Hi there,
      
      I'd suggest reading the text out loud. There are quite a few minor errors that you may be able to pick up. Reading aloud uses a different part of the brain than when you are skimming through text.
      
      For example: "There are families who give a false impression of family bonding, no wonder they fell apart."
      
      Besides the sentence not really making sense (what families? What evidence?), the tense is wrong. The first part is present tense and the second is past tense.
      
      You make some odd generalizations, such as, "I can remember the good old days when children respected their parents and parents respect their children but those days are long gone."
      
      Again there's a tense mismatch there, but I'm looking around at my family and don't see what you are seeing. When I read things like that it makes me not want to continue reading. If you used a real example and backed it up with evidence by way of an academic or scientific study, I would be more inclined to agree with you.
      
      Are you also saying that families can't bond unless they are Christian? That doesn't make sense either. We're not Christian, but that doesn't mean we aren't a bonded family. Is it a good idea to bring religion into it and thereby alienate half your readership?
      
      Just my thoughts... good luck.

      replyreport
      1. 74

         greenmindposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you, theraggededge, for putting your finger on it. These baseless generalizations drive me and many other readers away.

         replyreport
      2. 95

         Ekcedeonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         I appreciate your insightful reader's perspective

         replyreport
      3. 95

         Ekcedeonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         " Is it a good idea to bring religion into it and thereby alienate half your readership?"
         Absolutely not, wasn't my intention. I have made the corrections and hopefully, it resonates with readers. Your feedback once more is appreciated.

         replyreport
   2. 75

      TIMETRAVELER2posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I took a brief look at your hub.
      
      The first problem I see is that you did not begin it with a topic sentence that reflects the title.  In good writing, you always begin by telling the reader what you plan to say.
      
      Second, you are keyword stuffing, which definitely will keep you from doing well here.  Look at how many times in the first paragraph you use the word "time".
      
      Third, you also are not writing in complete sentences.  A sentence must have a subject and a predicate.  Many of yours do not.  For example "How he endured ............." has no subject.
      
      Fourth you are using word stuffing to fill out your article.  For example, naming the star of a movie and the character he played have nothing to do with your topic, ie:  "starring Ice Cube who .............".
      
      Your article is interesting, but if you want it to move up to the niche sites, mistakes like these will keep it from getting to them.  You need to do some proofreading and correcting asap!
      
      
      Remember the 2005 film "Are We There Yet" starring Ice Cube who acted as Nick. How he endure countless troubles trying to bond with Suzanne to gain her approval to marry her mom. As seen in the movie "Are We There Yet" family bonding is the same but without the drama. Family time is when the family takes the timeout to bond regardless of time available to them. Family bonding is not merely spending time together but spending quality moments together.

      replyreport
      1. 95

         Ekcedeonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you, I'm making the corrections.

         replyreport
         1. 95

            Ekcedeonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Finished with my corrections, leave me your feedback when time permits. Thank you.

            replyreport
   3. 83

      peachpurpleposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Your title is very long, simplify it.

      replyreport
      1. 95

         Ekcedeonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         good!! idea

         replyreport
2. 95

   Ekcedeonposted 7 years ago

   I appreciate the constructive discussion so far, it's helpful.

   replyreport