I'd like feedback on my article: Elderly Inifference or Neglect in USA Health...

1. 61

   Fran Munschauerposted 6 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   Here is my article: Elderly Inifference or Neglect in USA Health Care Facilities? (must be signed in to view)

   replyreport
   1. 82

      theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      There's a typo in the title. Also it doesn't really make sense grammatically. "Indifference and Neglect Towards the Elderly in..." might be better? Still not quite right though.

      replyreport
   2. 94

      AliciaCposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I'm very sorry about the problems that you and your mother had. In addition to the typo in the title, there are other problems in the article. You have very long paragraphs that need to be shortened, sections with capital letters that should be changed to small letters, and an Amazon ad for pruning shears at the bottom of the article. Gardening tools have nothing to do with your theme.
      
      You should also look at the structure of your first sentence. In addition, it would be better to use full-width photos of your mother if they're available.
      
      I hope that making these changes will help you. I'm not sure about how HubPages will react to an article that is so critical of certain medical institutions, though. Good luck.

      replyreport
2. 82

   Kenna McHughposted 6 years ago

   A personal story and heartfelt.  I understand your plight. Well done for getting it written. Now, it needs an extensive edit.  I suggest taking a paragraph at a time and working at it. Read each sentence out loud and see if you can notice the errors.  www.grammarly.com is helpful as well. It's a free editing program you can do online.

   replyreport
3. 75

   Rupert Taylorposted 6 years ago

   This needs a thorough proof reading to catch the punctuation and other errors. Also, as Alicia says, this is not the sort of article HubPages is looking for; it's more of a personal blog and this is not a blogging platform.

   replyreport
4. 0

   RTalloniposted 6 years ago

   This is an important topic we need to open discussions on more often because the problems you faced are more widespread than most think. When we find ourselves in those circumstances we tend to think it's an out of the norm experience.
   
   Re the replies to this request for help, it would be a wonderful thing if you could use them to continue working on your article because it could be so helpful to others. Focus on the issues and remove specific names of institutions. These suggestions are truly helpful ones. Take a look at how those with the useful comments post their work, how they write (not just about your topic) and let that help you understand the feedback even better.

   replyreport