Another Joke

1. 71

   DzyMsLizzyposted 5 years ago

   A Pastor was telling his congregation that God appointed man to be the head of the household and that it was man's duty and right to run things. Women were ordered by God to obey their husbands.
   
   Then he asked all the men in the Church who were the heads of their households to stand up. No one moved. So he asked all the men who felt they were often controlled by their wives to move to the left side of the Church.
   
   Then he noticed that one man remained  on the right side of the Church. Delighted that at least one man was running his household as God intended, he asked him how he had managed to become the head of his household so that he did not have to move to the left side with the other men.
   
   The man replied that his wife had told him not to move. Frustrated, the pastor asked why he had obeyed her.
   
   The man looked him in the eye and replied, "Pastor, I am 28 years old. I prefer to get laid again sometime in my lifetime".

   replyreport
   1. 82

      bravewarriorposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the laugh, Liz. I really needed that!

      replyreport
   2. 93

      MizBejabbersposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        Loved that one, Liz.
      
      My pastor in the Baptist Church while I was growing up told this one from the pulpit:
      
      The preacher was preaching vehemently one Sunday. He banged on the pulpit, "Nobody's perfect. Only God is perfect!"
      Not getting the reaction he wanted, he shouted, "I said only God is perfect! Do you think you are perfect? Stand if you think you are perfect!"
      One little milquetoast of a man stood up. The pastor was flabbergasted. "Mr. Jones, I can't believe this. Do you really think you are perfect?"
      The little man answered, "No, preacher, I'm not perfect, but I stand in proxy to my wife's first husband. She keeps telling me he was perfect."

      replyreport
      1. 71

         DzyMsLizzyposted 5 years agoin reply to this

         ROFL!

         replyreport
      2. 82

         Mark O Richardsonposted 5 years agoin reply to this

         lol

         replyreport
2. 71

   DzyMsLizzyposted 5 years ago

   Got another one:
   
   A young fellow was hired by a small hardware store.  His first day on the job, a customer came in and inquired after an item.  The young clerk told them, "I'm sorry, we don't carry that."
   
   The owner came barreling out of the back room, furious. "Don't ever let a customer walk out without making a sale!" he harangued; "Sell them something else; tell them it's better!"
   
   The clerk took note, and when the next customer came in, a lady wanting to purchase toilet paper, he informed her that they did not carry toilet paper.  But, remembering his boss' scolding, quickly added, "But we have sandpaper, and that's much better!"

   replyreport
   1. 93

      MizBejabbersposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Loved that one, too!

      replyreport
3. 82

   Mark O Richardsonposted 5 years ago

   An atheist is in the woods when he sees a large bear coming toward him.
   He decides to give praying a shot.
   "Dear Lord, please make this bear a Christian."
   Suddenly, the bear stops, closes his eyes, bows his head and folds his arms as he says, "Dear Lord, please bless this food in which we are about to partake of."

   replyreport
   1. 71

      DzyMsLizzyposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      LOL

      replyreport
   2. 93

      MizBejabbersposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      

      replyreport
4. 82

   Mark O Richardsonposted 5 years ago

   Two skunks see a hunter coming toward them while they are in the woods.
   One says to the other, "What shall we do?"
   The other closes his eyes, bows his head, and says, "Let us sPRAY!"

   replyreport
   1. 93

      MizBejabbersposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Very good one, Mark!

      replyreport
5. 74

   shanmarieposted 5 years ago

   Thanks for the laughs!

   replyreport