I'd like feedback on my article: Modern forms of cosmetic surgery and their...

1. 59

   mariabatoolposted 4 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   Here is my article: Modern forms of cosmetic surgery and their legal requirements (must be signed in to view)

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   1. 63

      Abby Slutskyposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Maria,
      
      Here are my suggestions:
      
      1. Your headings and title are not in APA format. Use capitalizemytitle.com if you do not know how to formt it yourself.
      
      2. Your title does not correlate with your content. This is more abut Islamic views of cosmetic surgery not legal.
      
      3. There is no bio indicating your expertise or any sources cited.
      
      4. You have a lot of long sentences that need to be smaller or punctuated properly.
      
      5. Your paragraphs, especially in your conclusion section, need to be smaller; your reader's eyes get tired on the screen.
      
      6. You need to use a grammar checker, and watch for redundant language.
      
      7. HP prefers two pictures.
      
      8. The average reader will not understand the content that is not writter in English.
      
      That is all I could find. Good luck.
      
      Abby

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      1. 63

         Abby Slutskyposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         'about' not 'abut'.

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2. 93

   AliciaCposted 4 years ago

   Hi, Maria. The first problem that I noticed is that you’ve started the article by writing exactly the same thing three times. The title, the first subtitle, and the bold section underneath the subtitle say the same thing.
   
   Another problem is that you haven’t translated all of the script (which I think is in Arabic) into English. This is important to do because HubPages is an English-language website.
   
   The paragraph in the conclusion is very long. You should try to split it up.
   
   It would be a good idea to proofread the article carefully.
   
   In the second paragraph, you indirectly say that your article is for Muslims. In addition, the article contains beauty advice for people of your religion and not for the general public. I think you need to switch the article to the Religion and Philosophy category. There’s a section in that category for articles about Islam.

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3. 59

   mariabatoolposted 4 years ago

   thank for for feed back  in sha allah i will try for my best

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4. 59

   mariabatoolposted 4 years ago

   and plz tell about my fiest artical plz

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