I'd like feedback on my article: The Bride of Nile (Egypt)

1. 76

   Misbah786posted 4 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   Here is my article: The Bride of Nile (Egypt)

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2. 94

   AliciaCposted 4 years ago

   You’ve told an interesting story in your article. I enjoyed reading it. I saw some problems, though.
   
   First, the title should be improved. It’s not grammatically correct and could be a bit more informative to attract readers (though it shouldn’t be too long).
   
   The article contains big gaps, which should be removed. You could use separate text capsules with subheadings to organize the article. I’m not clear about who you mean in the paragraph that starts with “Then people would throw it into the Nile.” You haven’t mentioned the wooden bride at that point.
   
   You should also state the source and license of the photos.

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   1. 76

      Misbah786posted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you so much for the appreciation and for pointing out my mistakes, and telling them to me. I really appreciate your kindness.
      Stay bless always. I will make the corrections now.

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3. 84

   GwennyOhposted 4 years ago

   There are a few points I'll point out. As AlicaC said, the huge spaces are problematic.
   
   After such a gap, at one point you said "That is why the ancient Egyptians proudly said that they did not pollute the waters of the Nile”. By the time one scrolls down far enough to read it they've forgotten what they read, so the sentence is poorly placed. As well, it is peculiar to begin a sentence with the word "that," in that context; doubly so when placed so far from what it was referring to.
   
   Scrolling down further, you begin a sentence with "because," which is grammatically incorrect. You also said, in that same block of text, that "Egyptians sang songs on their instruments." You might consider rewording that. You can't sing songs on an instrument.
   
   You also should consider updating your bio. Though what you are trying to say comes across, it is not correctly worded. It comes closer to meaning that "in the past, Misbah expressed her feelings through words..." but doesn't hit that meaning right on either.
   
   One more thing that should be pointed out, is that you made a historical error in telling the tale. You said that Egyptians still tell the story today. It is possible that people who live in Egypt today, tell the tale. However, it is not possible that people still tell the story from back in ancient times, as a handed-down story. The ancient Egyptian race all died. There are no more.

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   1. 76

      Misbah786posted 4 years agoin reply to this

      GwennyOh thank you so much for giving me your precious time. I will make the corrections today. usually, I am writing poems here so I really needed help why my article cant be featured. You told me a lot of errors of mine and I am really thankful to you. I will make the corrections today and update it.
      Sending Blessings

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