I'd like feedback on my article: The Good Place : Michael’s Transformation from.

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   Atharva Onkar Deshpandeposted 4 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   
   
   Here is my article: The Good Place : Michael’s Transformation from Demon to Savior (must be signed in to view)

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      Atharva Onkar Deshpandeposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Also,  Can Someone Please tell me, Is it British English we use here or American?

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         quotationsposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         I didn't read the entire article. It may just be the subject matter, and not you, but I didn't find it engaging. I think you need a better hook to make readers want to learn about this show. I have seen some previews for it but have never watched it.
         
         The most noticeable error is that you used colloquialisms that detract from your article. Using gonna and others like it just makes your writing sound unprofessional.
         
         I would recommend using American English since the US is the primary audience. You can use British English, but need to be consistent and stick to one form of spelling, for example.
         
         Although this has nothing to do with passing the quality assessment I would recommend that you change your bio. Calling yourself an aspiring blogger or an aspiring immediately makes people assume your writing will be amateurish or lack authority. You are writing. Call yourself a writer. Don't deprecate yourself.

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            Atharva Onkar Deshpandeposted 4 years agoin reply to this

            Thanks So Much for this.
            Pretty Helpful

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   AliciaCposted 4 years ago

   I found your article interesting because I’ve never heard of the show that you describe. I noticed three problems in the article. First, you should use formal English instead of the word “gonna.” Secondly, the multiple links to one site are a problem. They interfere with the flow of the content. In addition, with a few exceptions, we mustn’t link to the same site more than twice in our articles. A third problem is that Pinterest isn’t a suitable source of images for our articles. The images must have the correct license.
   
   In answer to your second question, I’ve found that both British and American English are accepted here. I think it’s important that we don’t switch between them in a single article, though.

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   1. 67

      Atharva Onkar Deshpandeposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for this reply and going through my article. Will make the changes and update.
      BTW, what do you write on Hubpages?
      I would be interested to read.

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      Atharva Onkar Deshpandeposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks so much for reading through my article.
      Appreciate your help.

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3. 67

   Atharva Onkar Deshpandeposted 4 years ago

   Hello again!
   Can you check this version, just for my assurance?
   Also, What did you think about the Youtube Videos I have added?
   http://hub.me/aosr4

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   1. 94

      AliciaCposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      The article is certainly better without all the links. You’ve left one “gonna” in it. I think the bold headings are fine, but the bold text within the article doesn’t look so good.
      
      When I said that Pinterest wasn’t a suitable source of images in my previous post, I didn’t mean that you should simply delete the mention of the site while leaving the images. I realize that changing the images would have a major effect on your article. You’ll have to see whether HubPages accepts them.
      
      For future reference, you should look at the Learning Center article about legal image use in the link below (if you haven’t already done so).
      
      https://hubpageshelp.com/content/Learni … -image-use
      
      I think you should look at your bio again. It contains capitalization problems, and the last sentence sounds like an advertisement.
      
      Sorry, I don’t have time to watch the videos.

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         Atharva Onkar Deshpandeposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         No issues about the articles.
         You have already helped enough. Twice.
         I will re-read and edit.
         Thanks For The Link

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