Family Problem

1. 87

   IzzyMposted 13 years ago

   I think I may have a problem. I recently wrote a hub about my daughter when she was struck down by illness.
   I included photographs of her taken at the time - I needed them because they were an integral part of the story which I'm hoping will inspire other mums on the same position.
   Anyway, I didn't mention that my daughter and I are estranged nowadays, and after I published it, I sent a link to Facebook where all my family are, albeit mostly estranged but they invited me to join them on Facebook so the door isn't closed.
   Within hours, the daughter who I wrote about sent a really evil comment to the hub which I've had to deny.
   However she also demanded that I remove her photos and her name isn't mentioned anywhere anyway.
   What to do?
   I don't think I have offended her because I think I wrote a really loving hub. She's just being the bitch she is really.
   But it's what to do now. Unpublish? Remove her photos and search and search again out there for ones similar - couldn't find them before - think parents are frightened to allow their kids pics to be on the net.
   For the last 24 hours I've been on tenterhooks wondering what this crazy lady is going to do next because I know she will be mad that her comment never appeared.

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   1. 0

      china manposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Sad stroy Izzie.  My opinion is that you should remove them - they tell others somebody else's story within the words and the pictures identify them. Never mind the law the ethical answer is you do not have that right I would think (without permission).
      
      BUT that is what writing is all about - just remove pictures and replace with text book pics or do without them and use words instead - remove her name etc etc - your writing is good enough to paint a word picture.  Removing names and personal stuff seems to reduce what you write, but in fact if you get on top of it the objective style with the personal involvement can be very effective.
      
      Otherwise good luck with divided family, been there done that and got the tee-shirt, not as traumatic as your story but .

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   2. 56

      prettydarkhorseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Oh Izzy, hmm good things and small things we do to our children are never appreciated -- even though the hubs means "no harm" children are just stubborn at times and they want to show that they "won" in some ways,
      HUGS for you and I hope uou can still publish it as it is with her pics, Happy weekend!

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2. 60

   Ohmaposted 13 years ago

   Izzy it is a tough question and a tough situation I also have an estranged daughter who challenges all my patients. I have shared some info about her on one of my hubs but I mostly try to avoid it. As to the Pictures I am sorry to say that because HP is based in the US the US laws apply to HP and your daughter B*tch or not has the right to request they be removed. I think it would be better for all if you removed them rather than give her the opportunity to request that HP do it.

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   1. 87

      IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      That's interesting to know...so the law in the US is that anyone can demand their pictures be removed even when they were underage at the time and their own mother is the one who used them?
      
      Thanks for replying and clearing that up.
      
      Is there anyone here that uses photoshop or anything like it and knows how to change heads to make them look like someone else?
      
      That's another possibility, isn't it?
      
      I can rewrite the hub so that all personal references to her are removed. It's still basically a hub about a disease that strikes children.

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      1. 66

         Faybe Bayposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Maggs does amazing things with photoshop and so does Tom Cornetts son. I will go get links to the hubs BRB.
         
         Here is Maggs :  http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Transfor … -Photoshop
         
         
         Here is Tom's son Deece: 
         http://hubpages.com/hub/The-wonders-of- … funny-face
         
         If they can do these amazing feets I am sure something can be done with your photos.

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3. 61

   west40posted 13 years ago

   What a hard situation, I agree with Obma on this - I think it will be best as far as HP is concerned to remove the pictures and search for new ones. 
   
   On another note, my step-daughter would not have anything to do with my husband and I for many years, when she reached her adulthood and was able to think for herself and see things for what they were, she came around and now we are incredibly close - hopefully things will work out for you.

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   1. 87

      IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks West40, I don't think things are ever going to work out for us. I also made the mistake of saying on the hub that she was 30 when she is in fact only 29 (30 this year), but she went to town on that point too!
      Maybe when she has kids of her own, but somehow I doubt it.

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      1. 61

         west40posted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I'm sorry - you may be correct, however, that she may get a clue when she has her own family.

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         1. 87

            IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            God help them if she ever does! LOL
            Thanks for your comments all the same, I know you're trying to make me feel better

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4. 60

   Ohmaposted 13 years ago

   Izzy I am not good with photo editor but perhaps I could help find new Pics what are we looking for?

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   1. 87

      IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Kids in a broomstick plaster (with Perthes disease)

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5. 0

   JeanMeriamposted 13 years ago

   My kids use a site called piknik to play with photos. I don't think you can change heads or anything that dramatic, but I wonder if you could just draw a line across her eyes or something so she is not really identifiable.
   
   I do wonder though, since you are the owner of the photos and the one who took them if you don't have some sort of rights to use them. But I know little about US laws either.

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   1. 87

      IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hmmm..this is it. Ohma says in the US you can't. But yeah a line through the eyes should do it.
      How do I do that? I have Gimp and Irfanview installed on the computer, but I only got them recently and haven't played with them much. Will they do it?

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6. 60

   Ohmaposted 13 years ago

   you can do that with simple paint program to just open the program and under file it gives you the option to open the pick you want. then make modification and save but be careful to make a copy before you modify it otherwise your orriginal will be lost.

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7. 87

   IzzyMposted 13 years ago

   Thankyou so much Ohma
   Tomorrow I will redo the hub a bit and hopefully that will solve my immediate problem. It's 2am here - too late tonight!

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8. 61

   tantrumposted 13 years ago

   Yes. I think you should remove the pics. If I were your daughter, and we weren't in good terms, I wouldn't want you writing a hub about my disease . Even she's a b°° or not

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   1. 87

      IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah I'm putting my head in hers and OK no-one except her immediate family would know her, but that isn't the point - she's mad at me for whatever reason and she certainly doesn't want me writing about her online - I'd half-hoped she'd read it and see how things really were when she was a kid, and see how much I cared about her - but that ain't gonna happen now. She's mad and tomorrow I'll either change the pics, change the story or unpublish.
      Easier in the long run

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9. 87

   IzzyMposted 13 years ago

   Thanks Sweetheart:)
   I'll go read them and see if they can help

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10. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    Wow, tough situation.  Sorry you're going through that.

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11. 73

    thisisoliposted 13 years ago

    I couldn't imagine your situation, legally you are fine, but emotionally...
    
    It could be a chance to build some bridges maybe!

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12. 87

    IzzyMposted 13 years ago

    Thanks everyone for taking time to reply. I'd hoped the article would build bridges but it seems to have made everything worse - not that she's made any further contact. It could be she wrote on the spur of the moment and has had time to reflect, and doesn't feel so bad now?
    
    I'm going to rewrite the hub and make it less personal - later, I'm only just up!

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13. 0

    lyricsingrayposted 13 years ago

    Oh Izzy I do hope you find a solution, mostly for you emotionally and can relate very much to your struggle.  I'm confident with your creativity talent you will find a solution, hopefully that eases this.  You really are a special person indeed.
    Must say god bye but was so glad to know you hon, xo  Kimberly

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    1. 0

       shazwellynposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Keep with it babes.. whatever you are going through, it will pass, things will get better x

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    2. 87

       IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Kimberely, wassup? You going somewhere? This sentence looks like a farewell....

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14. 79

    skyfireposted 13 years ago

    I think this happened before with other hub members as well and because of this i think when we write personal hub its better to change names and explicitly mention it at start.

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    1. 87

       IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Her name was not mentioned at all in the hub. She remained 'my daughter' nothing more.

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       1. 0

          pinkyleeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          izzy i sent you an email in hopes of maybe helping

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          1. 87

             IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             You're a doll! Thanks babes

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             1. 0

                pinkyleeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                no problem hun ... hope it helps

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       2. 79

          skyfireposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          That is sad...if she gets offended with just that cause you've a right as parent.. 

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15. 83

    donotfearposted 13 years ago

    I think if I were in your shoes, I may remove the pics, but leave the hub. Just to show you are receptive. I don't know the details, though, so it's hard to say what to do.
    
    I'm so sorry you are estranged from your daughter. This must hurt very much. I, too, went through a period of time when my daughter was experiencing severe mental illness and she lashed out at me in many defeating ways. She has since become stable and we are back to a mother-daughter relationship.

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16. 67

    goldenpathposted 13 years ago

    Unpublish the hub entirely.  There is nothing more important than fostering and nurturing the bonds of family.  Nothing.  Even if you both are estranged all is not lost as long as you are the mother and she is the daughter.  Hubs are bound here in life, but your relationship goes on.  It seems there are some deep feelings on both sides, however, out of respect for her feelings and your future state of relationship I would strongly suggest removing the entire hub.  Removing pictures or blocking out faces is not enough.  She would still know that her countenance is unwillingly placed on the internet and that it was done by her mother.
    
    I appreciate your love of words but there are more important things to consider.  Remove the hub but write a heartfelt personal letter to your daughter.  Sincerely ask for forgiveness and ensure her that no malice was intended.  Even if you feel you've done no wrong it is always best to strip the walls of pride and ask for forgiveness.  Many times that is the only way to progress a relationship.
    
    One final suggestion.  Never, never ever resort to name calling.  Especially if it's your daughter and no matter if you feel that the name is appropriate.  It is always counterproductive and will reinforce the canker that is present in any relationship. 
    
    The bonds of family are worth fighting for - at all costs.  More often than not progress is painful and distasteful to us personally.  However, it is only when we bring ourselves to the table of humility and love that we can then heal the wounds that for so long have had salt poured upon it. 
    
    Unpublish the hub.

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17. 0

    Nelle Hoxieposted 13 years ago

    I think it's a good policy to ask people before you put their picture online or tell their personal stories. Even though I use my real name and picture here, I would be upset if anyone wrote a hub or blog post about my personal life and included personal photos, without checking first.
    
    That aside Izzy, I'm sorry that you and your daughter are at odds.

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18. 87

    IzzyMposted 13 years ago

    I'm sorry I had to let people know, but I really needed advice and I got it so thanks everyone.
    I have not unpublished - happily the url was generic so it's been mostly re-written, pics taken down and thanks to Pinky new ones put up.
    It's mostly third-party now but I still think it got the points across and so may be useful for the mothers out there.
    
    I've had to delete the comments so if anyone cares to comment on the new one I'd appreciate if they made no reference to the original hub, thanks

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