I was sent this in an e-mail.could be fun.
THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING
FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming,
that's why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
this describes everything you are not.
Give us your rythmes.
You remind me of flowers, fruit and chewing gum,
Before they've been left for three weeks out in the sun
A midnight picnic for two under a moon so bright
Uh oh now I see a warewolf and am full of fright
You are soft, sensitive and gentle
I guess you are too much for me to handle
You're sensitive, devoted, the love of my life,
That's what I thought before I met your wife.
I've tried to love you heaven knows!
But you don't wash between your toes!
When I look in your eyes, I see the stars. And now, you've given me all these scars.
you've given me everything I've ever wanted
and herpes and the clap and a house that is haunted
I have forgiven all those little sins
the constant little outs and ins
My life began the day we first met,
and will begin again once I am on that jet.
Oh you fill me with such lust and fire,
All good until your credit card expires.
Beauty is a fresh breeze blowing senses alive
but you smell so foul my nostrils take a nosedive.
You've always had a sensitive nature
And that is why I'll always hate ya!
Peaking through the window glass
Will life out there kick my ass?
We make love all through the night,
Cos in the day you look a fright.
The night is full of wondrous things
In daylight angels lose their wings
Birds; pretty things that they are
Bastards shit again on my car
Our love will last for many a'year,
But only if you get your ___ in gear.
Together we love, laugh, and cry through forever.
I'll get over the fact your quite dim, and not clever.
She was stunning, a true beauty…, elegant and tall,
I was in love until I reached down and felt her left ball
Roses are red and pickles are green,
my face is a holler, yours is a scream!
You may have been a movie star
but with that face you won't get far.
You are the air that I breathe, the sun in my soul,
You are perfect except for your nose and that mole
You brought me a rose, then your heart, then your ring
It died.... it broke.....(did I hear that fat lady sing???)
I want to feel your warm embrace,
but don't take that paper bag off your face
I long to feel your tender touch dear
but stop that screaming in that ear
Remember that night? You in that dress? I was so glad to see ya.
I didn't know, that by the next day, you'ld give me gonorrhea
Better days are coming you can bet that's true
Starting with the day that I met you!
Are you sure ? That can't be true!
The best day was when I met you !
I playfully lift the covers and follow those legs to the toes
but honey please stop passing gas it does not smell like a rose
Everytime I think of you I start to cry
I can't live without you but I don't wanna die!
when we first married I felt oh so happy now five years later it's nothing but crappy
My mate Ringo, he did propose,
While taking off his panty hose.
I said "Hey mate take off my nylons",
And then I fed him to the lions.
My heart skips when I see your face
You are definately not of the human race
Oh you fill me with a hot desire,
A pity you're a big fat liar.
Your smile ignites flames from far beneath,
Until you open your mouth cos you got no teeth.
On our wedding night I carried you through the door.
Little did I know you were a skanky whore.
My lips quiver in anticipation,
but your breath quickly killed the sensation
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