I haven't made it that far into it but in the introduction or prologue i think you are using the word "and" a bit much. If I had to take a wild stab at it I would say that MSWord was giving you the old sentence fragment flag.
Then I have a question about the initial meeting between these two characters. A town of less then 2000 ppl in Alabama and it has an Italian cafe? I mean you described the date beautifully and I really got into the whole scene it was just the Italian cafe part seemed out of place especially given the waitress and that was some nice writing btw.
The next scene had my pulse racing and I wondered how far you would go very nice descriptions.I would have been disappointed if the color was anything other than black.LOL
Anyway I am intrigued hopefully I can get more read here before I fall asleep
WOW! you're the first person that caught the cafe.
GREAT eye for detail.
Well, I must tell you that the cafe plays a vital role in the series. hint hint. but you dont know until later.
I also agree my writing was weak in the beginning. I think I was attempting some form of style but failed. (lol).
I figured the way it read, it grew into the story so I didn't want to do too much editing to the original. I'm often so critical of myself that I'd throw the whole thing away before giving it a good go over.
Anyway, I suppose since I wrote this, I can give you a spoiler of sorts that has to do with the diner, the small town and everything:
As you read the story, you'll see things aren't right. For example the Italian cafe with the crappy old waitress. At another point she dreams about the waitress. That's an important, but seemingly unimportant part.
In episode 2 (unreleased so far) the story appears to have absolutely nothing to do with episode 1 (the stranger), It takes place 100s of years in the future, actually, but something in the story takes you back to those very woods with Judy.
by jdeschene 10 years ago
I love horror fiction. I'd love to write it one day. Does anyone else feel this way? Any tips to offer? Any suggested reading? I'd love to know.
by Lil Ms KnowItAll 5 years ago
Second week hubbing, I'd love some insight/feedback from my fellow hubbers....I've recently started hubbing and wanted to ask for your feedback on my articles. I'm looking for constructive criticism and insight to what I've shared. Please give your thoughts.
by Gavin Wichmann 5 years ago
Hey, I'm a new hubber, and I have a big question concerning my hubs.I'm a creative writer, and I'm trying to use hubpages to get feedback on my work.Is there a place here where I would get in touch with other authors for feedback? Or should I just keep posting and hope I gain a following so that I...
by Dennis L. Page 6 years ago
Why do fellow Hubbers fawn over a Hub filled with errors?Many times I will see an attention grabbing title and within the first sentence there will be a misspelling of a word. Okay, to err is human and we have all made typographical errors. However, in proceeding further into the story presented I...
by Ryan Hupfer 9 years ago
After seeing Hubbers announce certain milestones such as view numbers, first $100 payouts and HubPages anniversaries I thought that it would be really cool to create a more automated and easily broadcast way to let other Hubbers know these milestones by sending them through the Hubtivity. I am...
by Moira 2 years ago
Hi Hubbers,I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Italy, Lombardy: The Best of Bergamo (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!
Copyright © 2018 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|