For Fans of Horror Fiction and fellow writers: I need Feedback!

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  1. Thorn058 profile image78
    Thorn058posted 8 years ago

    I haven't made it that far into it but in the introduction or prologue i think you are using the word "and" a bit much. If I had to take a wild stab at it I would say that MSWord was giving you the old sentence fragment flag.

    Then I have a question about the initial meeting between these two characters. A town of less then 2000 ppl in Alabama and it has an Italian cafe? I mean you described the date beautifully and I really got into the whole scene it was just the Italian cafe part seemed out of place especially given the waitress and that was some nice writing btw.

    The next scene had my pulse racing and I wondered how far you would go very nice descriptions.I would have been disappointed if the color was anything other than black.LOL

    Anyway I am intrigued hopefully I can get more read here before I fall asleep

    1. CkhoffmanK profile image60
      CkhoffmanKposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      WOW! you're the first person that caught the cafe.


      GREAT eye for detail.

      Well, I must tell you that the cafe plays a vital role in the series. hint hint. but you dont know until later.

      1. CkhoffmanK profile image60
        CkhoffmanKposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        Also --

        I also agree my writing was weak in the beginning. I think I was attempting some form of style but failed. (lol).

        I figured the way it read, it grew into the story so I didn't want to do too much editing to the original. I'm often so critical of myself that I'd throw the whole thing away before giving it a good go over.

        Anyway, I suppose since I wrote this, I can give you a spoiler of sorts that has to do with the diner, the small town and everything:

        As you read the story, you'll see things aren't right. For example the Italian cafe with the crappy old waitress. At another point she dreams about the waitress. That's an important, but seemingly unimportant part.

        In episode 2 (unreleased so far) the story appears to have absolutely nothing to do with episode 1 (the stranger), It takes place 100s of years in the future, actually, but something in the story takes you back to those very woods with Judy.

        smile

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