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Can't sleep..on facing death & ...

  1. ripplemaker profile image87
    ripplemakerposted 9 years ago

    Is it okay to share this here?  It's past one now and it has been a long day for me.  My best friend's dad died today.  We know for awhile he was going to die soon and then today it happened.  I guess I can't sleep coz I've been holding back the tears (except for those few that escaped) as i had to rush errands and comfort my best friend; and during rehearsals, there were 4 cast members asking for a healing session. And I felt all their emotional turmoil as well.

    So now when I am alone in my room, I want to cry.  But I can't.  So here I am restlessly browsing through hubpages and ended up deciding to write it all down here.  Could I ask something...maybe if you believe in prayers, could you say a little one for me? 

    Gee...now I am crying as I am writing this (sniff)....thank you for allowing me to write this down.  I guess sometimes we have to allow ourselves to express and feel things.

    1. VioletSun profile image80
      VioletSunposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I paused and said a prayer for you and your friend.

      1. ripplemaker profile image87
        ripplemakerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        Thank you VioletSun.  I am feeling much better now.  Stella got sick today since she stayed up late last night.   So I went to her house to give her a hug and a healing session as well.  I'm glad I could do little things for her.   It was nice to see her feel better after.

  2. Patty Inglish, MS profile image93
    Patty Inglish, MSposted 9 years ago

    There are no small prayers, because each one is heard - they are all important. You're on my prayerlist.

  3. Bonnie Ramsey profile image83
    Bonnie Ramseyposted 9 years ago

    You are on my prayer list as well. Also, your friend and their family. It is good that you came here and posted. Sounds like it finally got your emotions released and that is a healthy thing. Feel better, my friend and know you are in our prayers.


  4. ripplemaker profile image87
    ripplemakerposted 9 years ago

    Thanks patty and bonnie.  That means a lot.  I know God hears my prayers and comforts me.  Sometimes, I guess I have to take time to unburden too.  Esp. when I find myself always having to be strong, I have to allow myself sometimes to be weak.  Does that make sense?

    1. Bonnie Ramsey profile image83
      Bonnie Ramseyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      This makes a lot of sense. And In the Doghouse is right. What you are feeling is compassion for your friend. When she hurts, you hurt and that is how friendship is supposed to be. While being strong for a friend is good, you do have to release your own emotions as well.

      When I lost my Dad (1998), it took me two years to finally let it sink in. I went through life day to day and denied the fact that he was gone. Since we were on the truck at the time and only home a couple of days each month, it was easy for me to tell myself he was just in the hospital or something for those two days. Once it finally hit, I fell apart for a few hours. But that was a good thing because it was at that point that I finally met acceptance. Emotions are strange at times and we can't always keep them inside.


      1. ripplemaker profile image87
        ripplemakerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        Bonnie, your sharing reminded me of one of the cast that I had to pray for last night.  She lost her mom late last year.  We were worried about her since there was an air of sadness about her lately.  So we discovered that she had not allowed herself to grieve and had to help her through it.  I had to hold her after and I guess I "absorbed" all their grief.  You are right, I have to release these emotions.  And it is ok.  Thank you for allowing me to express it here.  I do have a very dear friend to talk to and hug but she is also exhausted after our rehearsals so I no longer wanted to disturb her last night.  Bonnie, thank you for sharing your thoughts.  I feel I am much better now.

  5. profile image0
    sandra rinckposted 9 years ago

    I am sorry you got the sniffles.  *sad*, but hey your friends Dad did it and is now moved on to other things.  Be happy not sad.  Sorry if I sound mean, I really mean it with the best intentions.  Celebrate his death-birth.

  6. ripplemaker profile image87
    ripplemakerposted 9 years ago

    I know you are right Sandra.  And I don't think you are being mean.

  7. In The Doghouse profile image83
    In The Doghouseposted 9 years ago

    I know that you understand the process of death and how great  the things are that are now to come to your friends father, for this we can celebrate. But sometimes you do just have to let those other feelings of sadness and sorrow surface.  I think I might understand the sorrow you are feeling, it is for the sadness that you see in your friend. I believe the word is compassion.  I think that one of the greatest scriptures we can read to understand the character of Jesus is stated in simply two words, "Jesus wept."  Our job as Christians is to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those in need of comfort.  You are a wonderful example of a Christian in that you too are feeling what your friend is feeling and therefore feel the need to weep.  You are in good company Michelle.  You are in my prayers daily, as are all my dear Hub friends.

    1. ripplemaker profile image87
      ripplemakerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Diana.  You know me very well.  I was finally able to sleep after crying last night.  Now as I read your words, I'm teary eyed.  You are right.  You have been able to put into words what I feel right now.  Thank you for that.  As I am half crying... and half laughing for feeling a bit "silly" (i guess for showing vulnerability to the world, who are still mostly strangers.)  I confess sometimes I just want to be "babied" when it hurts inside.  Thank you for your prayers.

  8. Misha profile image74
    Mishaposted 9 years ago

    You have my thoughts, too..

    1. ripplemaker profile image87
      ripplemakerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Misha, thank you....thank you.

  9. Shirley Anderson profile image74
    Shirley Andersonposted 9 years ago

    I'm glad that you were able to get the tears started so you could release some of your sorrow. 

    Even though often times our loved ones are better off once they pass, it still hurts and we still miss them.

    I will add my prayer to the others, Ripplemaker.

  10. ripplemaker profile image87
    ripplemakerposted 9 years ago

    My best friend, during the past months, became quite thin.  I know she was trying to be strong for her mom and the rest of the family.  It was hard seeing her in pain  I had to be strong for her too..esp since we are both running the school.  As we talked last night, I found out her dad passed away during her watch. 

    Kindness and comfort seems to be the answer to coping with life's grief.  It is knowing that other people care enough and you are not alone.  Thank you very much Shirley.

  11. trish1048 profile image76
    trish1048posted 9 years ago

    My heart goes out to you, and you will be in my prayers.  Here's an excerpt from my hub Suddenly Alone, hope it helps.

    "The memories are always there, and it is true that nobody ever dies because they DO live in your heart forever. I have a plaque that hangs in my room that says 'God gave us memories so we can gather flowers in the winter'. I love it and it reminds me, yes, He certainly is right.

    For those of you out there who have experienced this, I say to you, cherish what was, embrace what comes. You were blessed to have had that loved one in your life, for however long. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, so please, carpe diem! There are a lot of cliches out there, and I won't bore you with them, but they are said because, as I have found, they are true. Tell your loved ones every day, in some fashion or other, that you love them. You never know when you will never again have that opportunity."


  12. ripplemaker profile image87
    ripplemakerposted 9 years ago

    Patty, what you say is so true.  Thank you for sharing.  Letting go will not be as hard if you were able to build a lifetime of memories to treasure.  My heart is lighter now after crying last night.  It truly helped when I sat down in front of the computer and started to share it.  Thank you all for allowing me to do so.

    Death speaks to us.  It reminded me that life is too short to take for granted.  Yes Patty, you are right, we have to live each day gloriously.

  13. Inspirepub profile image78
    Inspirepubposted 9 years ago

    Thanks for trusting this community enough to share it here, Ripplemaker.

    I'm glad you found some relief, and my thoughts are with you and your friend. She is lucky to have you.


  14. ripplemaker profile image87
    ripplemakerposted 9 years ago

    Hi Jenny, I am struck by what you said.  Yes I do trust this community enough to share what I feel.  Thank you for pointing that out.  I have seen many varied, unique, compassionate, kind hearted people here like you.  That is something to be grateful for.

  15. Susan Ng profile image91
    Susan Ngposted 9 years ago

    Teacher Michelle, I got your text message yesterday.  (Was going to text this but realized I forgot to buy load.)  Do you think it would be okay if Princeton and I visited Teacher Stella (and Ethel) late this afternoon?  Or is it still a "bad time"?  The interment is at their house, right?

  16. ripplemaker profile image87
    ripplemakerposted 9 years ago

    Hi Teacher Susan, it is alright to go.  Please do so.  Do you know tich, the grandchildren wrote in pieces of paper notes for their grandpa with artwork too.  It was so touching and Stella said, joan and clarissa cried when they reached their house. I am sure Stella would love to see you and Princeton.

  17. Susan Ng profile image91
    Susan Ngposted 9 years ago

    I imagine that among the grandchildren, Kyra would be the one who'd get affected the most. Okay, tich. Will you be going later?

  18. ripplemaker profile image87
    ripplemakerposted 9 years ago

    My dad just arrived.  We may have to spend time before he leaves and before I leave.  I will be there tomorrow.  The other teachers have expressed their intentions to go tomorrow after class.

  19. Susan Ng profile image91
    Susan Ngposted 9 years ago

    Okay, tich.

  20. profile image0
    RUTHIE17posted 9 years ago

    Ripplemaker---You and your friend have my deepest sympathys for your loss.  Hang on to your faith and friendship with each other and you'll OK.  It will take time to get over the loss and heal.  Don't rush it and think that you have to "put it away and get on with life".  We all heal at different speeds--follow your heart and feelings and you'll be fine.  Thank you for feeling like you could come here to ask for help and understanding.  All of us gladly give you what small amount of support we can offer.

    You're in my prayers.


  21. ripplemaker profile image87
    ripplemakerposted 9 years ago

    Ruthie, thank you for your sincerity.  I like what you said about healing at different speeds.  Although I feel a lot better now after crying, I still find myself staring into space every now and then.  A good talk with a dear friend helped a lot too.  She just told me what you said, that its okay to feel like crying (which happened every so often during the day.)  But I am able to laugh now.  And as Diana (in the Doghouse) said, I know he is in a better place.  That comforts us a lot.

  22. stephhicks68 profile image86
    stephhicks68posted 9 years ago

    Dear Michelle,  Please add my sincere condolences!  I am so sorry for your best friend's loss, and I know you must be feeling it acutely.  I still cry thinking about my grandfather who passed last fall.  Your friend is lucky to have such a caring strength in you.  Steph

  23. ripplemaker profile image87
    ripplemakerposted 9 years ago

    Hi steph, after the crying, I believe part of me is also feeling guilty.  You see, I have to leave (for Taiwan this coming wednesday for the musical) and I will not be around for the funeral on thursday.  I had to let go of these thoughts last night.  But I'm glad it happened when I am still here and not when I am away.  That would have been dreadful when I could not do anything from afar.  Thanks Steph.

  24. Lifebydesign profile image62
    Lifebydesignposted 9 years ago

    Hi Michelle, I add my heartfelt thoughts and sympathies for you as well. Death is such a release, but isn't it true its hardest on those who stay behind.
    I know prayer is so personal but this is a prayer I use alot and you might find it comforting: 'Thy name is my healing, O my God, and remembrance of Thee is my remedy. Nearness to Thee is my hope, and love for Thee is my companion. Thy mercy to me is my healing and my succor in both this world and the world to come. Thou ,verily, art the All-Bountiful, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise.'


    1. ripplemaker profile image87
      ripplemakerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Louise for sharing the beautiful prayer.  Today when I talked to Stella, she told me something that truly touched me.  Her dad's best friend passed away last year.  When the daughter learned about the death, she called up and said, "Do you know that my father died last year on this day and about the same time that your dad passed away too?" 

      Isn't it simply beautiful?  True friendship does go beyond...even after death.