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new and first few hubs done need feedback

  1. vodkababes profile image60
    vodkababesposted 6 years ago

    hi i joined hub pages around 7 months ago didnt write anything then came back few week a go thought i would give it a try so i had a short story i wrote few yrs ago decided to put it on here as i was really pleased with it.
    then today i thought shall i carry on with it so i sat down and wrote some more today so any one please could you have a quick look or read would love comments or feed back see how i am doing doesnt matter if there good or bad as long as it helps
    me get better as i want to carry on writing this story thank you sandra

    1. thooghun profile image84
      thooghunposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Hi Vodkababes, I'm pretty blunt on these forums, I hope that's what you're looking for!

      1) The absence of correct capitalization will hurt your readership (starting from the title itself. I'm not terribly strict on grammar, but it hurts the flow somewhat.

      2) There are some spacing issues, as an example:

      "damn her she thought what had she done and at this moment Tommy was at his grandmas, her mother, her mother who had said she didn’t know where he was, her mother who said I had disgraced the family name who said not to mention it unexpected break

      ever again. And on many occasions had slammed the phone down on her. .

      At that moment Kate screamed at matt and began slowly hitting him and sobbing"

      3) A relevant image would help your hub aesthetically and help give your hub some atmosphere (and a thumbnail that isn't your avatar!)

      4) Tags should be descriptive. Tags such as "tommy" or "reading" will not help you get more viewers. Try to find long-tail (phrases) tags that describe your content to someone who hasn't read it. "romantic short story" is a possibility.

      Hope I was some help wink

  2. vodkababes profile image60
    vodkababesposted 6 years ago

    thank you so much for your help as i said i am new here still learning so it is a great help

  3. vodkababes profile image60
    vodkababesposted 6 years ago

    i will go back later and try edit it