We Must Be Oh So Politically Correct But Only On Certain Words!

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  1. bayoulady profile image69
    bayouladyposted 13 years ago

    I was just on another forum on hubpages, and the guy says,I'm retarded." Meaning to say that he can't figure something out.
    WHY are we ever so careful not to say this offending word, or that word. But when it comes to our gentle souls, the mentally challenged, it's supposed to HUMORous??????

    Any of us are just one traffic light away from being brain damaged ourselves. WE are just one stroke, one raging fever that can't be stopped  away from being mentally challenged for the rest of our lives.

    I am  the mother  of a daughter,now 43, who became brain damaged at the age of 11 months from a fever so high that she was packed in a tub of ice .I think it is abhorrable to hear people say that,"I'm so retarded." The idea that a news show would devote a week of nightly rants about using the ____ord or the ___word, but it is okay to use this word.

    My daughter is mentally about 9-10 years old, but she has enough comprehension to be hurt, deeply hurt, to hear this so often from people she knows,strangers, and media.Her friends feel the same. It is hard to be in the mall with your peers, and hear others ridiculing "the retards". Some who wouldn't think of making a racial or religious slur think nothing of smirking and intentionall letting themselves be heard.

    WHAT DO YOU THINK?  (Not yelling,just no italics feature.)

    I am writing a hub about this and wonder what do YOU  think about so casually throwing this around? Do you use the phrase'You are retarded." I'm retarded", etc.

    Jackie aka bayoulady

    1. profile image0
      Stevennix2001posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I have to be honest, although I don't say it out loud.  I do often tell myself in my mind sometimes that i'm retarded or stupid or whatever whenever something goes wrong, or i made a mistake.  of course, i can't help it sometimes saying this in my head, as other people have called me these names when i've made mistakes or errors.  hell, one guy even said i was retarded in a freaking compliment about my hubs.  lol.  i think his compliment went something like, "you know how in real life you kind of kind of retarded, well when in your hubs you sound very intelligent."  to him, this was a compliment.  I did talk to him about that statement, as i found it offensive.  However, he threw a big temper tantrum saying that i was just being too overly sensitive about that statement, as he was just giving me a compliment.  can't imagine how i could've made that error to mistake that statement as an insult.  roll  of course, you'll know why we're no longer friends now, as that statement believe it or not, was the nicest thing he's ever said to me...and we were friends too.  lol.  i shutter to think what i'd hear if we were enemies.  lol 

      anyways, to get back at the topic at hand, i know im guilty of calling myself what you said sometimes, but i never say them out loud.  Sure, i may poke fun of myself in forums sometimes, but i do it out humor to make people laugh, as someone did tell me that i needed to work on my sense of humor.  and seeing as how comedians like chris rock, rodney dangerfield, and george carlin were all my favorite comedians, i try to emulate my humor after them.  as far as calling someone else that derogatory statement you just said, or any for that matter, I never say it to another person.  As im a firm believer in treating others, the way I would want to be treated.  That's why I would never stoop so low as to call someone a "retard" or whatever, as i know how it feels to be called that.  Heck, i don't like being called that no more than anyone else.

      No, as long as someone shows me respect, then i'll gladly return the favor.  That's my philosophy anyway.  However, your right, I can see how something like that can be construed as offensive though.  Just like saying something like, "that's so gay", to call something stupid is wrong, as that's offensive to homosexuals. 

      However, i just think people in forums get too carried away with things sometimes, that they'll often type before they think.  Like in the religion forums, people can sometimes get so offended over something that even the most civilize person might find themselves in a back and forth banter of mud slinging.  It's easy to get carried.  As a good friend told me on here, "people sometimes like to dip into the wine too much in forums." lol.  Of course, i agree with her, as that's why I don't really take these forums as seriously as i used to.  Although there are still times i do like if people make insinuations or insults about my intelligence, then that will royally piss me off.  sorry, that's just a soft spot for me, and a good way to get me angry rather quick.  any other insult, i just laugh it off, as i know that crap ain't true, so it doesn't bother me.

      1. bayoulady profile image69
        bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Thanks,stevenix,you sound like a good hearted person!

        1. profile image0
          Stevennix2001posted 13 years agoin reply to this

          eh i try to be. lol.  thanks.  although i sometimes wonder how life would be like if i was like a total bad a** who didn't care about people.  you know, kind of like the cool loner biker dudes you see in movies.  lol.  wink

  2. Cagsil profile image70
    Cagsilposted 13 years ago

    Hey Jackie,

    I've already written a hub on "political correctness" or shall I say, "political correct speech".

    Political correctness is a joke. wink

    1. bayoulady profile image69
      bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Cagsil, i'll check it out. Your avatar is super!

      1. Cagsil profile image70
        Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Thank you. smile It appears to be going over well. Almost everyone is saying that. lol

        Hope you are well. smile Nice to see you. smile

        1. bayoulady profile image69
          bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          You too Cagsil. I've been looking for your politically correct hub. I can't find it, and that was 145 hubs to look through,lol! Whats the name of the hub?hub. Got stalled reading "Missing Father". I didn't comment, but I do want to tell you that you certainly know how to keep readers on your page. So talented.

          1. Cagsil profile image70
            Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this
            1. bayoulady profile image69
              bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

              Cagsil...thanks! It  is good work.I hope anyone seeing this thread will take the time to read it. I left you a comment.

  3. psycheskinner profile image84
    psycheskinnerposted 13 years ago

    Using retarded, gay, spastic and other words that refer to real people is not a joke--it is a pervassive, demoralising statement that anyone like that is disgusting and fit only to be refered as an insult aimed at 'normal' people.  I don't use them and if that is PC, I'm PC and proud of it.

    1. bayoulady profile image69
      bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Me ,too psysheskinner. I try hard to be,as that is the way my mama raised me. I'm just as hurt as my daughter sometimes, and My Scotch -Irish roots turn inside out. I have been know to give a politically correct lecture right then and there! I know that if I am saying something that hurts other groups, I want to be told, as I may not be aware of it.

      1. Sally's Trove profile image78
        Sally's Troveposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        I applaud you for speaking up on the spot. Being confronted face-to-face with one's own insensitivity makes for an effective learning experience.

        You probably have found that some people don't realize they are saying something wrong: no one ever bothered to tell them. This lack of knowledge doesn't excuse their behavior, but it does make you the teacher they never had.

        It's a deep subject, and I look forward to reading your Hub about it.

      2. Cagsil profile image70
        Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Hey Jackie,

        There is a difference between being respectful to others and political correctness.

        There are times I will refrain from giving my thoughts on a matter, because there is nothing positive to say about it.

        As much as people like to think, not everything can be spun to be positive, without dishonesty creeping it's way in.

        People who are truly honest with themselves, will be truly honest with other people. Since a person is truly honest with themselves, then truth never bothers them and can handle it at all times, because they've accepted themselves. Thus, they learned to love themselves.

        Being politically correct is about lessening how something negative sounds, but still saying it anyways. Changing the method- by using different words to lessen the blow, points directly caters to a weakened position of sensitivity. Just because someone is sensitive about some aspect of their life, shouldn't be of any concern with regards to speech.

        These people simply need to learn how to accept themselves.

        Just an additional thought on the topic. hmm

        1. bayoulady profile image69
          bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          ~~~~`HI CAGSIL~~~ Normally I would agree.What you are saying works for me. I am overweight. I wear a ladies size 16. I don't look too fat, but heavy enough to be teased or lectured.I have had to learn to filter less than kind comments.
          But our gentle souls, the mildly  and moderately  retarded don't know how to "brush off" the harmful comments, so it does bother them. It more than bothers my daughter Lisa. I've watched her eyes water up as she turns away.

          1. Cagsil profile image70
            Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Hey Jackie, I would like to make a helpful(in my view) suggestion. It might be easier for those types of comments to reflect off you, with a simple change in view.

            An insult is nothing unless you give it power. The people who say mentally inept statements, such as "retard", simply shows their own level of understanding. They show their true colors, when they have or feel the need to speak that word.

            An insult can be only given power, when you allow it to have some affect on you.

            Example: I've been called a retard or some of the things I say are retarded. I know who I am and I know I am not a retard. Since I know these things, the words other people use to describe me, if negative are of no consequence. I have no interest in anger or be disturbed by them, because they are simply not true.

            Just a thought.

            1. bayoulady profile image69
              bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

              For me, I can do that.I will do that. ........ but what about my angel? My gentle sweet Lisa doesn't have that skill.She hurts, and I hurt for her.

  4. Pcunix profile image90
    Pcunixposted 13 years ago

    There will always be someone to ridicule. The use of "retard" is faiirly recent - well within my lifetime - and it replaced something else that had become too ugly for anyone to use.  I can't remember what words were used in the 50's, but it wasn't this.   

    This word will be replaced by something new.  Tell kids thay will be punished for using this word or that word and they will simply find another.  You won't recognize it as hurtful at first, but they know what they mean.  What needs to be stopped is attitudes, not words.

    1. bayoulady profile image69
      bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Pcuniix.. I think the term was moron, wasn't it?I remember there were the "little moron" jokes, and we got a chewin' out from Mama about laughing at a "moron" joke.

      I first heard the phrases about 'retards" on TV in the early 90s.
      As for attitudes,once you get to know my sweet daughter,you forget that she has an IQ of 60, because she is after all,a kind and outgoing young woman. She is a hoot with her dry sense of humor, and her eagerness to please. (She will laugh at your jokes,even if she doesn't "get them"!)

  5. Pcunix profile image90
    Pcunixposted 13 years ago

    Wikipedia says it was the 60's that "retarded" became derogatory.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intellectu … erminology

    Matches my recollection.

    Given the new acceptable phrase, the insult will probably become "double D" soon enough.

  6. Sally's Trove profile image78
    Sally's Troveposted 13 years ago

    As an aside, Jackie, you can italicize forum text. When you write your post, look at the bottom of the text box and click "formatting". You will see a number of beginning and ending codes that will let you italicize, bold, and other things. smile

    1. bayoulady profile image69
      bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Sally, I didn't know that!Next time I will use that feature instead of caps!big_smile

  7. Briton profile image60
    Britonposted 13 years ago

    Dear lady, I feel for you, and admit that I, and I am supposing here! most people, are in fact basically afraid and a little worried and uncomfortable when we see some one who has been hurt and placed in a disabled position through accident disease or other reason.
    it tends to for me, remind me of my own mortality, and how fragile my existance could become in the blink of an eye.

    Through the passage of time I have in my many years on this planet been placed by disease or injury in a position whereby I was unsure as to wether I would remain the person I was before the incident or illness.
    And I had left instructions for my loved ones as to what to do should I come through that trial in a state whereby I could no longer function as once I was.
    Fear and trepidation, being reminded of our own mortality and being reminded by seeing someone less fortunate than ourselves can cause some real nasty reactions from unthinking purile pratts.
    Through all I have at times been through though, its nothing to what someone such as your daughter is living with every day, and instead of reacting in a hateful and hurtful way it should be beholding to more able bodied more fortunate individuals to react in a more sympathetic and understanding manner.

    There will always be the complete deadheads, who think they are being oh so clever:

    But it is beholding on society to instill and to embrace through citizenship and education the fact that the only correct course of action is that we should be protecting and nurturing those that have been rendered in some way less than able bodied by misfortune.

    Please let me appologise in absetia for the dead heads, we have a family friend who is in almost the exact situation as yourself, and we attenpt at all times to react to and treat her daughter Terresa as naturally as possible.

    Nasty people say nasty things, but they will only say it once in the hearing of myself or any of my family members, and then they will be shown the error of their ways in as publicly a way a possible, regardless of how big or important they are.

    To demand respect you give respect, to all persons regardless.

    On your side in this one, dont let the B...Ds grind you down, give your daughter a big hug from me.   xxx

    1. bayoulady profile image69
      bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you!

  8. Mighty Mom profile image77
    Mighty Momposted 13 years ago

    First, I'm glad you spoke out. I hope your words serve to sensitize all of us who can get carried away on the forums.

    My heart goes out to you mother to mother. Good for you for taking a stand. Maybe, just maybe, some of the unthinking, fear-based people who say things about your daughter will learn something and the next time keep their ignorant mouths shut!

    1. bayoulady profile image69
      bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you mighty Mom. It's just that some nights we can't get much legitimate news, because some person has accidentally ,or purposely said the___________word ,or the _________word. But none seem to notice the "retard" thing. Letterman used it last year. I hear it said on sitcoms, and bandied about between debators.Most are just unaware ,I think. That's why I 'm writing the hub, and I don't care if it doesn't have click throughs. I do hope it gets on a first page search.

  9. PegCole17 profile image92
    PegCole17posted 13 years ago

    This was truly enlightening Jackie. I had no idea of your circumstances. You're right about thoughtless remarks and name calling. I admit I'm guilty, less now than as a kid when we used to banter these terms around thoughtlessly. It makes things so real once we can relate to someone who faces these challenges. God bless you and your sweet daughter.
    Your friend

    1. bayoulady profile image69
      bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      AWWwwwwww,Peg, you brought tears to my eyes. Thank you,dear.

  10. Diane Inside profile image72
    Diane Insideposted 13 years ago

    Bayoulady, I have to admit I do use those words sometimes directed at myself mostly. Like when I am frustrated with myself because I can't figure something out, or when I have made a big mistake about something. 

    I never really thought about it hurting somebody else. Since it is directed at my own faults.  I'm not sure if I use the word "retarded" per se. But I have said something like," Diane that was stupid, you should know better." talking to myself.

    I dated a guy one time who said he was slow from a  fever he had as a baby, but I didn't see it, to me he seemed just as intelligent as anyone else. But He always thought he was slow and he hated it and scolded me plenty of times if I belittle myself in this way. 

    I just think it is not really insensitivity or thoughtlessness, but more of a personal feeling at the time.

    But now as far as people calling people names and trying to hurt them that is just plain wrong, and insensitive.

    Sorry but these are just my thoughts.

    1. bayoulady profile image69
      bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Diane. I see what you are saying.No, not offensive if you say it to yourself. It's a derogatory remark if if someone like Lisa is in the room. and hears you,in my opinion. I remember when she was young teen. We were watching a skit at a party (and the hostess and participant in the skit knew we would both be there). The skit was about a retarded dating couple, and they portrayed them as twitching ,slobbering , and stupid. Everyone was laughing. My daughter and I just sat there, and I steeled myself not to cry.
      So insensitive. They never realized what they were doing;

      1. bayoulady profile image69
        bayouladyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        ................and I'm not meaning to come off as trying chastise anyone. What I'm trying to expess is why be so upset about some words, and yet use "retard" all the time and wonderwhat's the big deal?
        At least people of races and religious preference are able to shake it off as as ridiculous and insensitive if they choose to. Most of the mentally retarded , these sweet gentle souls , don't have the interpersonal skills to rationalize this out. Many of them know that those kind of phrases are about them, and they hurt. I tell my daughter all the time to just ignore it. But she can't. She doesn't know how.


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