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Willing to do crazy and reckless things to get more followers

  1. Greg Sage profile image58
    Greg Sageposted 6 years ago

    I'm not feeling the love today. 

    I've been getting around 7 or so followers a day... until today.

    Suddenly, nothing.

    I'm sure this is nothing new, but what is, my friends, is my reckless and ill-conceived urge to do anything and everything to get my daily quota.

    Double dog-dare me to stand on my head?

    Drink expired milk?

    Ride the family dog around the house like a pony?

    I'm desperate here folks. 

    Accepting all offers.

    1. DIYweddingplanner profile image89
      DIYweddingplannerposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      That is so horribly in bad taste, I'll have to bite... Here's your daily dose of HubLove.  Enjoy!

      1. Greg Sage profile image58
        Greg Sageposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Bad taste?

        I'm just getting warmed up.

        If you think THIS pathetic display is in bad taste, you obviously haven't read my hubs.  smile

  2. Jeannieinabottle profile image86
    Jeannieinabottleposted 6 years ago

    OK, you got me.  I am following you.  Now, how about drinking that expired milk?

    1. Greg Sage profile image58
      Greg Sageposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      That's the best you've got?

      Come on.  How about streaking through the local golf course or juggling tasers?

  3. Greg Sage profile image58
    Greg Sageposted 6 years ago

    Perhaps the level of recklessness should equal the level of followers.

    Expired milk:  1 follower
    Streaking through golf course:  5 followers
    Rapping karaoke of Hank Williams at redneck biker bar:  10 followers

    Changing my profile description to words of choice voted by followers:  20 followers.  I'd be willing to put up a poll for it.

    Current text:

    "The term "greatest writer that ever lived" gets tossed around a lot these days, but how often do we really mean it?  Greg's gift to humanty is his prolific prose.

    Not content to simply instruct, educate, and illuminate his readers, Greg bestows upon them an elite status.  His readers are quite simply better than everyone else BECAUSE they are his readers.

    You're welcome."

    1. Greg Sage profile image58
      Greg Sageposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I will, of course, take the silence on the matter to mean that the profile description is so perfectly crafted that changing it would be a crime.

      Point taken.

  4. profile image0
    klarawieckposted 6 years ago

    Greg, I'll follow you, and will even read your hubs, if, and only if, you are willing to post a link to your homemade youtube video where you sing Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody in all 12 keys! big_smile

    1. Greg Sage profile image58
      Greg Sageposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      My singing would represent something crazy and reckless more on the LISTENER's part.  I'm pretty sure that would result in some sort of PTSD lawsuit.

  5. psycheskinner profile image80
    psycheskinnerposted 6 years ago

    Here's a wild and crazy idea: write great content that people want to read.  That's what 'following' is about, not a popularity contest.

    1. Greg Sage profile image58
      Greg Sageposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Whoa... I said crazy and reckless.  Not insane.

  6. Greg Sage profile image58
    Greg Sageposted 6 years ago

    Ok...

    TODAY ONLY...

    2 for 1.

    This opportunity will NOT LAST, my friends..

    2 acts of brainless stupidity for 1 stinking follower.*

    My desperation is your opportunity.



    *(Limited time offer.  Participation may vary.  Not available in your area.  No refunds.)

  7. mega1 profile image80
    mega1posted 6 years ago

    I'm surprised this thread is still alive!  Of course, you are special, but that allows you to unashamedly sell us your hubs and yourself and your - whatever . . .

    so I guess I'll join the craziness and add my 2 or 3 cents -
    I don't mean to be critical

    but isn't it true that if you have to do something other than write good hubs to get readers, you have failed? terribly?

    just sayin'

    anyhow - could I get you to come sweep the dust bunnies out from under my bed?  I'm scared to do it, and last night they were talking.  no lie.  I'll read anything you want and follow you too!

  8. mega1 profile image80
    mega1posted 6 years ago

    oh, I just saw the two for one -  also, the toilet tank keeps running, can you fix it?

    big_smile

  9. Greg Sage profile image58
    Greg Sageposted 6 years ago

    And what hub am I pimping exactly?

    smile

    "It's such a fine line between stupid and... uh... clever" - David St. Hubbins (Spinal Tap)



    As for the toilet, I am more than happy to oblige.  My plumber's crack is up to the most rigorous of professional standards.

    The dust bunnies, however, are my greatest fear.  I was attacked as a child and still have the scars to remind me of that fateful night.  I would sooner battle an army of evil clowns.

    1. mega1 profile image80
      mega1posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      wow!  I guess I'll have to do a pity follow for you - I really feel sorry for you cuz I know how scary those little dusty suckers are, especially when they roll into their favorite form as snakes and start sliding up the blanket that is trailing on the floor  - talking and sometimes singing wicked, nasty ditties --It started for me when I was a child, also. 

      I always awaken to their horrible raspy voices. usually around 3:00 AM.  Last night was the worst ever, I almost got out the vacuum right then, but they seemed to read my mind and warned that if I tried to suck them into the vacuum they would reform later and have even stronger powers to strangle me!  no lie.   so I'll follow you out of pity, and also because you gave me such a sweet image of you and your plumber's um, er, crack, or whatever!  big_smile

      and I assume you want us to read all your hubs, as well - you're pimping your hubs, right?  It's ok.  I would too, if I had thought of it first.

      1. Greg Sage profile image58
        Greg Sageposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Pity works for me.

        I see you've started by choosing a hub of mine that is nearly 3x the length of most, and one of only 2 that is busting at the seams with philosophical and rhetorical jargon.

        Appologies, M'Lady.

        You've been led astray.  Though I would like to thank you for leaving feedback implying that the hub was significantly LESS interesting than knitting a sock, I strongly feel that the woohoo series and my discussion of my unusual pet is more your cup of tea.

        Call me psychic.
        smile

        1. mega1 profile image80
          mega1posted 6 years ago in reply to this

          no, sock knitting is enthralling, and if you have ever done it you would know why - otherwise, why would I knit something I could just buy for about a dollar?  well, not a good question because I do stuff like this all the time, just to see if I can, hopefully this will not be a solo sock.  It takes a lot of time, time I should be doing other things, but my lazy mind is just enough engaged by sock knitting and it gives me the illusion I am accomplishing something.  It was not to say your hub was uninteresting - just that my mind is only capable of sock knitting just now - today.  and later, I will return to it - I thought it was a great hub.  I will also read the others.  I do think you are very wittily funny and I appreciate it.  will stop now before I get gushy.

        2. recommend1 profile image65
          recommend1posted 6 years ago in reply to this

          You are doing it all wrong mate !

          The best way to get followers is to sit and wait for any sad post, newbie post or clebration post and then add your own simpering @ss-lick post and stick with it through any answer until the victim thinks you love them personally and completely.  You may notice from my followers that I am unable to debase myself in this way - but anyone who is prepared to drink expired milk while standing on their head might be able to lower themselves sufficiently big_smile

          1. Greg Sage profile image58
            Greg Sageposted 6 years ago in reply to this

            That sort of stunt is bound to draw the ridicule of my writing peers.

            No... I'll stick with the high road.

            1. recommend1 profile image65
              recommend1posted 6 years ago in reply to this

              big_smile

  10. Paradise7 profile image83
    Paradise7posted 6 years ago

    Okay, I'll follow you, just pay me in cash, okay???  At the current rate of HubPages earnings, 50 cents ought to do it.  That way you can stay right away from MY evil dust bunnies under the bed.  They chuckle madly right when I'm just getting to sleep.

  11. Greg Sage profile image58
    Greg Sageposted 6 years ago

    I'll do one better.  I'll pay you my entire earnings for the past 3 days.

    You're welcome.

    Their laughter is evil.  It gives me goosebumps.

  12. aware profile image71
    awareposted 6 years ago

    Really Greg ? Really?  Checked out your  profile. Follows granny's rule and says nothing at all. 
    Write a poem   i might   reconsider .
    Ray

    1. Greg Sage profile image58
      Greg Sageposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Thou wouldst trouble the bard for a poem?
      Disregard his self patents and know 'im?

      Inconceivable
      Unimaginable
      Even tea leaves decree as unfathomable

      But I digress
      And must confess to thee
      That your test of me
      Hath got the best of me
      Stepping trepidly abreast of thee,
      I prithee thus quite vexingly:

      If testing my mettle
      Is what boils your kettle
      Perchance it be wiser to weigh

      That nary a Hubber
      Has sang for his supper
      In quite this unusual way

      'Tis folly to wallow
      Cautiously, Grumpily
      Better to follow
      And regale in great company

      Wassail!

      1. Greg Sage profile image58
        Greg Sageposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Not so much as a nibble, huh?

        Tough crowd.

        Perhaps I should stick to prose.

  13. Traqqer profile image72
    Traqqerposted 6 years ago

    I'll pay anyone 10 electronically written dollars if you follow me. Don't believe me? Here it is:

    $10

    Not enough? OK, here's 10 more:

    $10

    Still not enough, heh? OK, how about 29.99:

    $29.99

    That's a total of 49.99 folks....you're bleeding me dry.

  14. mega1 profile image80
    mega1posted 6 years ago

    Oh great!  I'm going to use  my 49.99 to buy some more followers of my own!  but I can only afford to pay $2 each - take it or leave it.

  15. earnestshub profile image88
    earnestshubposted 6 years ago

    Greg, have you tried the defensive position yet?

    I wrote a hub that claimed I was not mad in any way.

    It didn't work for me, because of all the crud I had already written, but it may work for you.

  16. Greg Sage profile image58
    Greg Sageposted 6 years ago

    The best defense is a good offense.

    I have often been complimented with detailed accounts of my offensiveness.

    Clearly anyone who has read my Woohoo series is already well aware that I am no mere jester, but serve the HP community as consigliere of each and every hubber's personal financial success.

  17. Greg Sage profile image58
    Greg Sageposted 6 years ago

    As for the statements about my profile lacking substance, I have taken them to heart and decided to lay bare the core of my being.  The new profile reads as follows:




    The term "greatest writer that ever lived" gets tossed around a lot these days, but how often do we really mean it?  Greg's gift to humanty is his prolific prose.

    Not content to simply instruct, educate, and illuminate his readers, Greg bestows upon them an elite status.  His readers are quite simply better than everyone else BECAUSE they are his readers.

    You're welcome.

    ***********************************************************

    Thank you for the kind edification.

    Allow me to introduce myself.

    I am the ninety seventh patriarch in a lineage that traces it's roots to the Ptolemaic dynasty.  The knowledge I am sworn to protect is the core compendium of accumulated human wisdom that necessitated the construction of the Library at Alexandria.

    Hidden in a sub-basement, this information secretly survived even the fires and destruction of the Roman Empire.

    These ancient truths have been protected by the lives of my forefathers for generations.  I, however, want to be in a rock and roll band, and my parents just don't get me.  Therefore, I am now giving them away for free to whoever happens to be reading this.

    For the uninitiated, you would do well to start at the beginning.  My core writings are a series.  There is a link at the end of each which leads to the next.

    Ask yourself first, however:  Are you truly ready for this life-altering  experience?  Do you have what it takes to absorb and utilize this knowledge?

    Are you worthy?









    FIND OUT BY CLICKING HERE:

    http://hubpages.com/hub/Woohoo-Making-m … h-Hubpages






    (Is that better?  I feel so naked.)

  18. mega1 profile image80
    mega1posted 6 years ago

    too many big words - feeling a little shut down. may be out of my league.  maybe not though, could just be all the food waiting to digest draining the blood away from my brain.  I give up though.

  19. Greg Sage profile image58
    Greg Sageposted 6 years ago

    MMM....

    Perhaps:


    "Me Tarzan.  CLICK HERE."




    It has a certain straightforward elegance.

  20. recommend1 profile image65
    recommend1posted 6 years ago

    OK - I give in, is it a computer game ? big_smile

    1. Greg Sage profile image58
      Greg Sageposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      "It" is the enigmatic grail of human knowledge and desire.
      It is everything to every one.
      It is what was in the suitcase in "Pulp fiction."

      It is a whole new life, yet a mere click away.

      Perhaps the Tarzan bit is too egghead.

      CLICK HERE has a minimalist appeal.



      On a totally unrelated topic, I see people getting soft around here.  Where's the rigor?  Pointless forum threads and wasted time... it's a disgrace.

      I have thrown down the gauntlet in my latest piece.

      I have issued a "Write 30 Hubs in 30 minutes challenge."

 
working