Willing to do crazy and reckless things to get more followers

1. 41

   Greg Sageposted 12 years ago

   I'm not feeling the love today. 
   
   I've been getting around 7 or so followers a day... until today.
   
   Suddenly, nothing.
   
   I'm sure this is nothing new, but what is, my friends, is my reckless and ill-conceived urge to do anything and everything to get my daily quota.
   
   Double dog-dare me to stand on my head?
   
   Drink expired milk?
   
   Ride the family dog around the house like a pony?
   
   I'm desperate here folks. 
   
   Accepting all offers.

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   1. 76

      DIYweddingplannerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      That is so horribly in bad taste, I'll have to bite... Here's your daily dose of HubLove.  Enjoy!

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      1. 41

         Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Bad taste?
         
         I'm just getting warmed up.
         
         If you think THIS pathetic display is in bad taste, you obviously haven't read my hubs. 

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2. 90

   Jeannieinabottleposted 12 years ago

   OK, you got me.  I am following you.  Now, how about drinking that expired milk?

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   1. 41

      Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      That's the best you've got?
      
      Come on.  How about streaking through the local golf course or juggling tasers?

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3. 41

   Greg Sageposted 12 years ago

   Perhaps the level of recklessness should equal the level of followers.
   
   Expired milk:  1 follower
   Streaking through golf course:  5 followers
   Rapping karaoke of Hank Williams at redneck biker bar:  10 followers
   
   Changing my profile description to words of choice voted by followers:  20 followers.  I'd be willing to put up a poll for it.
   
   Current text:
   
   "The term "greatest writer that ever lived" gets tossed around a lot these days, but how often do we really mean it?  Greg's gift to humanty is his prolific prose.
   
   Not content to simply instruct, educate, and illuminate his readers, Greg bestows upon them an elite status.  His readers are quite simply better than everyone else BECAUSE they are his readers.
   
   You're welcome."

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   1. 41

      Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I will, of course, take the silence on the matter to mean that the profile description is so perfectly crafted that changing it would be a crime.
      
      Point taken.

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4. 0

   klarawieckposted 12 years ago

   Greg, I'll follow you, and will even read your hubs, if, and only if, you are willing to post a link to your homemade youtube video where you sing Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody in all 12 keys!

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   1. 41

      Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      My singing would represent something crazy and reckless more on the LISTENER's part.  I'm pretty sure that would result in some sort of PTSD lawsuit.

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5. 84

   psycheskinnerposted 12 years ago

   Here's a wild and crazy idea: write great content that people want to read.  That's what 'following' is about, not a popularity contest.

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   1. 41

      Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Whoa... I said crazy and reckless.  Not insane.

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6. 41

   Greg Sageposted 12 years ago

   Ok...
   
   TODAY ONLY...
   
   2 for 1.
   
   This opportunity will NOT LAST, my friends..
   
   2 acts of brainless stupidity for 1 stinking follower.*
   
   My desperation is your opportunity.
   
   
   
   *(Limited time offer.  Participation may vary.  Not available in your area.  No refunds.)

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7. 79

   mega1posted 12 years ago

   I'm surprised this thread is still alive!  Of course, you are special, but that allows you to unashamedly sell us your hubs and yourself and your - whatever . . .
   
   so I guess I'll join the craziness and add my 2 or 3 cents -
   I don't mean to be critical
   
   but isn't it true that if you have to do something other than write good hubs to get readers, you have failed? terribly?
   
   just sayin'
   
   anyhow - could I get you to come sweep the dust bunnies out from under my bed?  I'm scared to do it, and last night they were talking.  no lie.  I'll read anything you want and follow you too!

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8. 79

   mega1posted 12 years ago

   oh, I just saw the two for one -  also, the toilet tank keeps running, can you fix it?
   
   

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9. 41

   Greg Sageposted 12 years ago

   And what hub am I pimping exactly?
   
   
   
   "It's such a fine line between stupid and... uh... clever" - David St. Hubbins (Spinal Tap)
   
   
   
   As for the toilet, I am more than happy to oblige.  My plumber's crack is up to the most rigorous of professional standards.
   
   The dust bunnies, however, are my greatest fear.  I was attacked as a child and still have the scars to remind me of that fateful night.  I would sooner battle an army of evil clowns.

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   1. 79

      mega1posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      wow!  I guess I'll have to do a pity follow for you - I really feel sorry for you cuz I know how scary those little dusty suckers are, especially when they roll into their favorite form as snakes and start sliding up the blanket that is trailing on the floor  - talking and sometimes singing wicked, nasty ditties --It started for me when I was a child, also. 
      
      I always awaken to their horrible raspy voices. usually around 3:00 AM.  Last night was the worst ever, I almost got out the vacuum right then, but they seemed to read my mind and warned that if I tried to suck them into the vacuum they would reform later and have even stronger powers to strangle me!  no lie.   so I'll follow you out of pity, and also because you gave me such a sweet image of you and your plumber's um, er, crack, or whatever! 
      
      and I assume you want us to read all your hubs, as well - you're pimping your hubs, right?  It's ok.  I would too, if I had thought of it first.

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      1. 41

         Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Pity works for me.
         
         I see you've started by choosing a hub of mine that is nearly 3x the length of most, and one of only 2 that is busting at the seams with philosophical and rhetorical jargon.
         
         Appologies, M'Lady.
         
         You've been led astray.  Though I would like to thank you for leaving feedback implying that the hub was significantly LESS interesting than knitting a sock, I strongly feel that the woohoo series and my discussion of my unusual pet is more your cup of tea.
         
         Call me psychic.
         

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         1. 79

            mega1posted 12 years agoin reply to this

            no, sock knitting is enthralling, and if you have ever done it you would know why - otherwise, why would I knit something I could just buy for about a dollar?  well, not a good question because I do stuff like this all the time, just to see if I can, hopefully this will not be a solo sock.  It takes a lot of time, time I should be doing other things, but my lazy mind is just enough engaged by sock knitting and it gives me the illusion I am accomplishing something.  It was not to say your hub was uninteresting - just that my mind is only capable of sock knitting just now - today.  and later, I will return to it - I thought it was a great hub.  I will also read the others.  I do think you are very wittily funny and I appreciate it.  will stop now before I get gushy.

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         2. 61

            recommend1posted 12 years agoin reply to this

            You are doing it all wrong mate !
            
            The best way to get followers is to sit and wait for any sad post, newbie post or clebration post and then add your own simpering @ss-lick post and stick with it through any answer until the victim thinks you love them personally and completely.  You may notice from my followers that I am unable to debase myself in this way - but anyone who is prepared to drink expired milk while standing on their head might be able to lower themselves sufficiently

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            1. 41

               Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               That sort of stunt is bound to draw the ridicule of my writing peers.
               
               No... I'll stick with the high road.

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               1. 61

                  recommend1posted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  

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10. 69

    Paradise7posted 12 years ago

    Okay, I'll follow you, just pay me in cash, okay???  At the current rate of HubPages earnings, 50 cents ought to do it.  That way you can stay right away from MY evil dust bunnies under the bed.  They chuckle madly right when I'm just getting to sleep.

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11. 41

    Greg Sageposted 12 years ago

    I'll do one better.  I'll pay you my entire earnings for the past 3 days.
    
    You're welcome.
    
    Their laughter is evil.  It gives me goosebumps.

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12. 66

    awareposted 12 years ago

    Really Greg ? Really?  Checked out your  profile. Follows granny's rule and says nothing at all. 
    Write a poem   i might   reconsider .
    Ray

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    1. 41

       Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Thou wouldst trouble the bard for a poem?
       Disregard his self patents and know 'im?
       
       Inconceivable
       Unimaginable
       Even tea leaves decree as unfathomable
       
       But I digress
       And must confess to thee
       That your test of me
       Hath got the best of me
       Stepping trepidly abreast of thee,
       I prithee thus quite vexingly:
       
       If testing my mettle
       Is what boils your kettle
       Perchance it be wiser to weigh
       
       That nary a Hubber
       Has sang for his supper
       In quite this unusual way
       
       'Tis folly to wallow
       Cautiously, Grumpily
       Better to follow
       And regale in great company
       
       Wassail!

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       1. 41

          Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          Not so much as a nibble, huh?
          
          Tough crowd.
          
          Perhaps I should stick to prose.

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13. 66

    Traqqerposted 12 years ago

    I'll pay anyone 10 electronically written dollars if you follow me. Don't believe me? Here it is:
    
    $10
    
    Not enough? OK, here's 10 more:
    
    $10
    
    Still not enough, heh? OK, how about 29.99:
    
    $29.99
    
    That's a total of 49.99 folks....you're bleeding me dry.

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14. 79

    mega1posted 12 years ago

    Oh great!  I'm going to use  my 49.99 to buy some more followers of my own!  but I can only afford to pay $2 each - take it or leave it.

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15. 79

    earnestshubposted 12 years ago

    Greg, have you tried the defensive position yet?
    
    I wrote a hub that claimed I was not mad in any way.
    
    It didn't work for me, because of all the crud I had already written, but it may work for you.

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16. 41

    Greg Sageposted 12 years ago

    The best defense is a good offense.
    
    I have often been complimented with detailed accounts of my offensiveness.
    
    Clearly anyone who has read my Woohoo series is already well aware that I am no mere jester, but serve the HP community as consigliere of each and every hubber's personal financial success.

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17. 41

    Greg Sageposted 12 years ago

    As for the statements about my profile lacking substance, I have taken them to heart and decided to lay bare the core of my being.  The new profile reads as follows:
    
    
    
    
    The term "greatest writer that ever lived" gets tossed around a lot these days, but how often do we really mean it?  Greg's gift to humanty is his prolific prose.
    
    Not content to simply instruct, educate, and illuminate his readers, Greg bestows upon them an elite status.  His readers are quite simply better than everyone else BECAUSE they are his readers.
    
    You're welcome.
    
    ***********************************************************
    
    Thank you for the kind edification.
    
    Allow me to introduce myself.
    
    I am the ninety seventh patriarch in a lineage that traces it's roots to the Ptolemaic dynasty.  The knowledge I am sworn to protect is the core compendium of accumulated human wisdom that necessitated the construction of the Library at Alexandria.
    
    Hidden in a sub-basement, this information secretly survived even the fires and destruction of the Roman Empire.
    
    These ancient truths have been protected by the lives of my forefathers for generations.  I, however, want to be in a rock and roll band, and my parents just don't get me.  Therefore, I am now giving them away for free to whoever happens to be reading this.
    
    For the uninitiated, you would do well to start at the beginning.  My core writings are a series.  There is a link at the end of each which leads to the next.
    
    Ask yourself first, however:  Are you truly ready for this life-altering  experience?  Do you have what it takes to absorb and utilize this knowledge?
    
    Are you worthy?
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    FIND OUT BY CLICKING HERE:
    
    http://hubpages.com/hub/Woohoo-Making-m … h-Hubpages
    
    
    
    
    
    
    (Is that better?  I feel so naked.)

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18. 79

    mega1posted 12 years ago

    too many big words - feeling a little shut down. may be out of my league.  maybe not though, could just be all the food waiting to digest draining the blood away from my brain.  I give up though.

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19. 41

    Greg Sageposted 12 years ago

    MMM....
    
    Perhaps:
    
    
    "Me Tarzan.  CLICK HERE."
    
    
    
    
    It has a certain straightforward elegance.

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20. 61

    recommend1posted 12 years ago

    OK - I give in, is it a computer game ?

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    1. 41

       Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       "It" is the enigmatic grail of human knowledge and desire.
       It is everything to every one.
       It is what was in the suitcase in "Pulp fiction."
       
       It is a whole new life, yet a mere click away.
       
       Perhaps the Tarzan bit is too egghead.
       
       CLICK HERE has a minimalist appeal.
       
       
       
       On a totally unrelated topic, I see people getting soft around here.  Where's the rigor?  Pointless forum threads and wasted time... it's a disgrace.
       
       I have thrown down the gauntlet in my latest piece.
       
       I have issued a "Write 30 Hubs in 30 minutes challenge."

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