New Hubber & wanted to get some feedback from experienced Hubbers :)

1. 68

   Kristine Rossposted 12 years ago

   Hi everyone!
   
   I am a new Hubber with 2 Hubs under my belt since I joined last week. I have gotten some pretty good comments from friends and on the individual hubs themselves but I was wondering if I could get some feedback from other Hubbers and perhaps ways I can make it better, advice/comments on my writing technique, the quality of writing, etc.
   
   Here are the two hubs...
   
   Hitting the Baby Lotto: Raising Twins, Did You Say Two Babies?
   
   Hitting the Baby Lotto: Raising Twins, Welcome to Motherhood
   
   Thanks so much!
   -Kristine

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   1. 82

      Hyphenbirdposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I read "Did You Say Two Babies" and found it well written and interesting. Because it is written in the first person, it sounds more like a journal entry or blog than a helpful article. I don't think it would help me if I was searching for articles about carrying twins. It is too personal for that. Again, it is well written, interesting and fun to read, just not something that most people can relate with. If you rewrote it as a story or included some of the medical issues you experienced during the pregnancy and a "heads up" to expectant mothers of twins, it would draw more readers.
      I hope this helps and is the kind of advice you were seeking.

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      1. 68

         Kristine Rossposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you that is very helpful advice. When I wrote that first piece it was mostly an introduction on who I am and where these articles came from. If you could read the second one "Raising Twins, Welcome to Motherhood" and let me know if that was written to much in the 1st person and if it was did you find it at all informative or still too journal/blog like?
         
         I would really appreciate your input because it will help me determine if I am going in the write direction or if my approach is completely wrong.
         
         I am working on 2 other pieces, one about the pregnancy and the other about PPD.

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   2. 85

      kschangposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Being male, I may not fully appreciate the pains of mommiehood, buthere goes.
      
      Any way, read the "welcome to motherhood" hub. I personally find it a bit jarring as you kept using "You" then suddenly switched to "I" in the next capsule. Any way to be a bit more consistent?
      
      Your writing style is fine, but this felt more like a blog entry than an info article. Is there any useful tips you found about raising twins that you wish to share? (By the looks of them, I assume they are identical twins, yes?)

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      1. 68

         Kristine Rossposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I see your point. I'm trying to make this a hub that tells how I went through the ups and downs with raising twins and offer tips and advice here and there which is why there is that "I" and "You" switch happening. If I tried to make it all one or the other I think I would have to completely redefine my writing style and angle, you know?
         
         There are SO many things to share about raising twins that if I were to put it all into 1 or even 5 hubs it would be entirely too long. My intention is to break it down in small doses so that even the most inattentive reader can still enjoy these hubs. I guess the best way to describe the first hub is to say it was an introduction to me and why I would have any knowledge or twin rearing and the second, "Welcome to Motherhood", is sort of "what to expect" right after giving birth article/blog/what have you.
         
         After describing my reasoning does that help any or is it still not informative enough?
         
         I just don't want to overload a new parent of multiples with too much too soon because raising twins is already overwhelming enough.
         
         Oh and yes they are identical.

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         1. 85

            kschangposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Like Marye suggested below, I feel your "You" vs. "I" portion mix needs a bit of adjustment, and separation.
            
            Basically, depending on your style, either advice "You" go first, and explanation "I" go last, or vice versa. However, you got them all mixed up. People who want a quick read have to read the whole thing to find the bits of information, and they may get turned off.
            
            Three ways to fix this: Separate the tips to the front, separate the tips to the end, or separate the tips into a sidebar.

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2. 0

   Marye Audetposted 12 years ago

   Today's reader is not the same as the reader of a decade or two ago. they are used to reading short texts, finding information fast, and being engaged immediately. They want a page that is easy to skim with pertinent information that is easy to pick out.
   
   Break Up Your Text
   You have too much uninterrupted text. Use the text boxes with subtitles after ever 2-3 paragraphs. Spread the images through the piece, don't mass them together.
   
   The Average Reader
   Keep in mind that the average reader skims for information and will only read the first three or four sentences of your article before they decide whether they will read the rest or not. If there is too much uninterrupted text they will click off your page in a hurry.
   
   Information Not Experience
   Your readers are looking for information. They want to know how to do something, why to do something, what to do, when to do it, or who should be involved. They do not see your articles as being related -- they must be stand-alone articles. Sad to say, most readers could care less about how you felt or what you experienced; your article should be all about them.
   
   Write Strong Intros and Conclusions
   Just like in English class, an article needs to have a strong introduction to what you plan to say (think topic sentence) and a strong conclusion to sum up everything you said. By using lots of text boxes, good photos pleasantly arranged, and giving them the information they are looking for in an easily readable format you will find that you have more traffic and more authority on Google.
   
   See how I wrote that? It is easy to see what I am saying, easy to read and not hard on the eyes. Without the spaces and bolds the answer would look like this:
   
   Today's reader is not the same as the reader of a decade or two ago. they are used to reading short texts, finding information fast, and being engaged immediately. They want a page that is easy to skim with pertinent information that is easy to pick out.
   You have too much uninterrupted text. Use the text boxes with subtitles after ever 2-3 paragraphs. Spread the images through the piece, don't mass them together.
   Keep in mind that the average reader skims for information and will only read the first three or four sentences of your article before they decide whether they will read the rest or not. If there is too much uninterrupted text they will click off your page in a hurry.
   Your readers are looking for information. They want to know how to do something, why to do something, what to do, when to do it, or who should be involved. They do not see your articles as being related -- they must be stand-alone articles. Sad to say, most readers could care less about how you felt or what you experienced; your article should be all about them.
   Just like in English class, an article needs to have a strong introduction to what you plan to say (think topic sentence) and a strong conclusion to sum up everything you said. By using lots of text boxes, good photos pleasantly arranged, and giving them the information they are looking for in an easily readable format you will find that you have more traffic and more authority on Google.
   
   See how much more work it is to read that? Your average reader is lazy. Make it easy for them. I hope this helped.

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3. 50

   erorantesposted 7 years ago

   Hello miss Christine Ross. I want to congratulate you for having two beautiful babies. You are one of a few mothers to have a miracle happened. The miracle of life it is not granted to everyone. We need to be grateful for your two babies. I like your pictures. They tell all that happened to you with your pregnancy.  You do not need to much  to say, and yet enough to understand your ordeal. If you organize the pictures with the relevant information. It will be easier to read. For example, if you create a paragraph that talks about the ultrasound experience; you insert the picture of the ultrasound below or above the paragraph. Then, you add the next paragraph that talks about your pregnant months including the picture when you were pregnant. And finally , the paragraph of the birth, and insert the picture of the twins. You need to check for grammar errors. You can rearrange the entire hub with out removing any information. When, you edit the instructions are on the right hand side. Good luck with your hub. Perhaps,  you can add some advices on how to care for the two babies.

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4. 90

   theraggededgeposted 7 years ago

   This is a five-year old thread

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5. 77

   Jason mackenzieposted 7 years ago

   WOW...how come it is still alive? Maybe the hubber decided to revive it after so long as she must have decided to resume her active role...

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6. 77

   Jason mackenzieposted 7 years ago

   Would it really make a difference to the hubs that are already 5 years old?

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7. 85

   Jesse Drzalposted 7 years ago

   ''Dead Thread''. It was best left in the crypt.

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