How to choose your child's future? (orientation, what job...)

1. 62

   nemopsyposted 14 years ago

   I wonder how parents manage to discuss with their children about their future.
   
   On what basis do they start this discussion ? School results? What they like to do (parents and/or children)?
   
   I find it interesting to compare and exchange on this field.
   
   Thanks for participating.

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   1. 69

      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      They do not.
      Never.  School results? Do you mean grades? Support them and help them with whatever they need to do well.
      Is the child's choice of interest.  Why would this be of interest? So, parents can do what exactly, control their child, so the child doesn't enjoy growing up or just dictating the life the child is to live, instead of helpful teaching them?
      
      Either way, I'm not a parent, so whatever I say isn't going to matter. So, do what you will.

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2. 94

   Susana Sposted 14 years ago

   I don't believe as parents we can (or should) choose our childs future. We can encourage them to master the things they enjoy, whether it be sports, music, arts, sciences or whatever by providing opportunities for them to discover their talents and abilities. We can also teach them to think things through and to trust their instincts. With these things in place a child has everything needed to find the future that's right for them.

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3. 60

   wingedcentaurposted 14 years ago

   Good Day Nemopsy,
   
   I like this question. First of all, I don't think you're suggesting anything dictatorial. I believe you are wondering how parents can best help their children make choices for themselves that make the most sense.
   
   I believe parents can use a lot more guidance on and/or they should simply pay more attention to identifying their children's specific, individual, innate talents, gifts, and abilities. For this reason I believe praise for a job well done should always be as specific as possible, so as to reinforce in the child's mind the specific nature of her talents, gifts, and abilities.
   
   This will go a long way to giving her confidence about her place in the world and what she can contribute to it. This is one of the many, many reasons why it is so important for families with minor children, to have family dinners together.
   
   This can serve as the main forum in which the child finds out about herself: what effect she has on other people; what her intellectual strengths and weakness are in conversation, and hopefully, sometimes even passionate debate; and this should further increase her confidence about her place in the world, her purpose, I think.
   
   If I may make a slight digression before closing this out: Is it not tragic what we see on the first round of American Idol?
   These glass-shattering efforts of these first rounders, are on one level funny and we laugh. But on another level these cases represent many catastrophic breakdowns in the support systems of these young people.
   
   Why did their families let them out of the house, thinking they could sing? Why did their friends and families and relatives allow them to go on global television with those voices? Why didn't anybody stop them?
   
   The only thing I can think of, is that there is still a great deal of confusion, in our culture, centered around the idea that "You can do anything you want, if you put your mind to it." It turns out you can't.
   
   No matter how ardently I put my mind to becoming an NBA center someday, it probably wasn't going to happen. For one thing, at just under six-foot, I don't have the requisite height. Another minor stumbling block in my way, is my whole lack of skill at basketball thing.
   
   Anyway, this all goes to your question, as I have recast it somewhat, if you'll forgive me: How can parents help their children make the choices for a career and future, that make the most sense, given who those children are - WHO THEY REALLY ARE!
   
   Thank you, Nemopsy, for this important question to think about.

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4. 0

   Precious Williamsposted 14 years ago

   Hello Nemopsy
   I'm with Susan.  I don't think parents should choose a child's future.  One of the things that is gaining popularity in this country is youth coaching and I think this is great.  It can be done individually or a whole class.  It gives children the chance to explore their dreams and wants without the influence however, kind and loving of parents.  The theory isn't that you wouldn't talk to them about it - you would but you'd let them do more of the talking having had the opportunity to formulate some of their ideas more clearly.

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5. 72

   raisingmeposted 14 years ago

   I have four children who are no longer children and all of them are following their own dreams and have set their own goals in life.  It makes parenting much easier when you assist your child to identify what their goals are and to support and encourage them in taking the necessary steps to achieve those goals.  When life knocks them of track and they lose their vision you can hold that vision for them and help them get back on THEIR path.  Then parenting become like holding the string of a kite rather than pushing a rock uphill with your nose.

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6. 68

   Beth100posted 14 years ago

   First, it is not the parent's job to choose the child's future.  The greatest gift a parent can give a child is his independence.  Without independence, the child will go nowhere in the future. 
   
   Second, it's a discussion that happens on a daily basis from the moment they can learn.  Children love to experiment and discover things which may be new to them.  It's important to expose children to as many different experiences as possible.  Music, art, outdoors, leadership, sports, volunteerism, etc., are forms that help a child learn what they like/dislike, how they can grow, succeed or not.  By experiencing as many scenarios in their early life, they will be able to make decisions based on experience, not hearsay, expectations of others or "just because".  Everything they experience can be used towards choosing a future path. 
   
   Third, school results, as in testing, are not necessarily a reflection of the truth.  Children who are gifted but attending a non-challenging class have been proven to fail -- just because they're bored.  Other children excel in university when they choose courses that they  have an interest in.  In addition, many grades are curved for stats purposes, which again does not disclose the truth about the student.  There is also no consideration taken into account of the learning styles of each individual student.  Again, this reflects poorly in grades.
   
   Last, children like to do everything until they are taught by someone else to not like it. Let the child decide on their own.  The whole point of this:  teach the child independence, and they'll choose what is right for himself.

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7. 0

   WildIrisposted 14 years ago

   I talk to my kids all the time about their future. I try to impress upon them that they have the freedom of time when they are young to hone a skill before the demands of daily life takes hold and steals their dreams. Chasing a dream is hard work and takes time to develop.
   
   Parents provide opportunities for their children, but they do not choose their child's future. Most kids will rebel if a parent chooses for them. By paying attention and following upon on a child's interests can open doors to their future.

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8. 86

   rebekahELLEposted 14 years ago

   very well said beth100. we come into the world curious, exploring, discovering. a parent should simply encourage this and allow their growing child to explore many options and to have choices in their everyday life. a parent should not be planning their grown child's career. a parent should be preparing their child for the future, hopefully teaching them important life skills, like how to think and solve problems, how to be a good listener,how to be responsible and work smart with follow thorough.
   parents should support their child's interests and naturally strong qualities. I think more important than a certain career preparation should be teaching tolerance and learning how to work together with others. many careers today require teamwork and collaboration.

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   1. 57

      Hai Thiposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I'm looking for test of career orientation for primary student.
      Why I do that? I had no career orientation when I were young and then I must to spend many time to find out what was my suitable job. I wish I have been had career orientation or someone told me about that.
      Now I want to help my son. I will not force him to do anything but I want together with him to find out his strength/"propensity" and guide him to a shorter road to approach his best ability.
      
      Please advise. Many thanks.

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