What makes some parents make decisions for young adults(22-27 years of age) that

1. 83

   gmwilliamsposted 8 years ago

   What makes some parents make decisions for young adults(22-27 years of age) that are quite
   
   intelligent & are capable of making decisions for themselves i.e. going on job interviews w/them & otherwise doing things for them that they should be doing themselves?   Of course, presently there is a delay in adulthood with adolescence extending until one's late 20s but do you argue that delaying adulthood & its responsibilities are harming these young adults?  Why? Why not?
   
   

   replyreport
2. 65

   WordCrafter09posted 8 years ago

   What would make some parents do that is, I'm thinking, their own need for counseling. News flash for many people, however:  Parents who try to do that, and parents who are fooled by their kids into believing that they're accomplishing their aims; are clueless with regard to how most children/young people (even old people) are; and that it is that there's a whole lot of politely listening in order not to fight and/or hurt someone's feelings.  In other words, at least in American culture, what can appear to be what you've described is often just that - appearance.
   
   As soon as the person who has little choice but to put up with the overbearing, misguided, sometimes even abusive, behavior of the parent(s) that young person will, as they as say, "be outta here".
   
   Many young people in such situations will do what they think they have to do while they're biding their time and aiming to be free of the parents.  Unfortunately, for some, they may end up going through motions longer than is healthy for them - and all because (as is the case with so many people who find themselves being "emotionally bullied" - the young person worries about not hurting the feelings of the clueless-but-misguided/overbearing parents who either believe they're doing the right thing for the son or daughter or else who are just too "emotionally muddied" in their own head that they don't realize how toxic and destructive they are.
   
   In fairness, most parents mean well.  They just think they know more about life and/or their children than they realistically can know about anyone who is not them.  Being a parent can fuel narcissistic tendencies in the "wrong people" in ways that are far too numerous to list/explain here.  By the time a so or daughter is, say, 20, that parent has had a whole lot of time to be fueling/feeding his own narcissistic tendencies toward the child, and with regard to his own "estimation of how wonderful he (the parent) is".
   Not all parents have a very good grip on their own ego and/or perspective in general.

   replyreport
3. 60

   LoisRyan13903posted 8 years ago

   With my younger daughter who is 20, I have to help her out in some areas because she is Autistic.  Usually it is helping her apply for college and fill out the financial aid information.  Other than that she is good by walking to her one college class and taking the bus daily to the campus.  She needs reminders to do her homework assignments but has greatly improved compared to her first  semester.  My older daughter was more independent and needed minimal help in this field.  Eventually my younger will need help with job interviews and living on her own.  She get services for this.

   replyreport
   1. 83

      gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      If an adult child has mental/physical challenges that is a different thing.  I was addressing adult children who are mentally/physically healthy.

      replyreport
   2. 60

      LoisRyan13903posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I know you were.  I know somebody at work who in in his 50's still lives at home and very dependent on his mother.  She should have put her foot down years ago

      replyreport
   3. 83

      gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I SUPERVISED such a person.  Let me tell you that this person wasn't a day at the beach, this person was more like a storm.  She couldn't DO ANYTHING w/o supervision. She was beyond useless.

      replyreport
   4. 60

      LoisRyan13903posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      If something happened to this guy's mother-heaven forbid-he probably wouldn't know what to do to survive.  One good point he does pay her rent

      replyreport