We are renting together, my husband, my self, our 5 children and...my mother-in-law. We cannot get along. We have tried for a year and a half now and there is still tension. My husband and I want to find someplace else but she is assuming she's comming too. How do we tell her no, we need to go our seperate ways? Advice please.
You should have your husband to speak to your mother about the situation. You need to be quiet and unintrusive. Without knowing much details about why she is staying there, let your husband do the talking. If he loves you, he will make the right decision for you and your five children. Your mother has lived her life and unless she is a helpful grandmother around the house, she needs to leave unless it is her home. Too little details for such a big decision so have your husband do all of the talking.
If this is causing tension between you and your husband because of her, and not just you and her and If she is capable of supporting herself, this might be a conversation better had between your husband and his mom. As much as he loves his mom he needs to put his wife, the mother of his children, first.
Upsetting his mom is not worth putting a stressful strain on the family he created by allowing tension to continue in order to please her. His mother should be led to understand that her grandchildren will do better if mom and dad are not under the stress caused by a tension filled living environment. You guys tried living with her, it just isn't working and its time to separate.
If the tension is just between you and her, and I know this will seem silly and you may feel like you've already tried, but maybe opening communication might help.
If you go to her without being defensive and ask her why she feels the way she does, and ask her to allow you to speak your piece to then maybe you can learn to understand each other better?
Without knowing why there is a problem, its really not easy to offer an answer.
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