What will you do if your spouse and parent don't get along?

1. 70

   alexandriaruthkposted 11 years ago

   What will you do if your spouse and parent don't  get along?
   
   There are times when you are in the "middle of it all' and you don't want to take side. What is the best advice when dealing with problems between your spouse and parent or relative?

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2. 92

   Cre8torposted 11 years ago

   I believe that though you can't make 2 people like each other, you can insist on them being civil to each other. If either one of them truly love you, they will find a way to agree to disagree. I firmly insist this in similar situations because there are children involved that don't care if the 2 like each other or not....they just want to have a family that they can love without feeling like they have to pick a side.
   
   I don't know the details of the situation. Obviously there would be exceptions to certain conditions or situations but for the most part, it's often 2 people acting like children over things that shouldn't be grounds to ruin the relationships of loved ones or causing them to be more difficult than they can be on their own.

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3. 65

   CrescentSkiesposted 11 years ago

   Simple rule, "I don't care if you like each other but if you aren't going to be civil with one another then I'll hold you both to blame". When you're old enough to get married your parents are no longer support figures, you are their equal.

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4. 82

   trusouldjposted 11 years ago

   when i asked my father in law for my wife's hand in marriage, he said yes.  But he also offered a piece of advice.  He said, "your marriage will be successful as long as you keep her mother and sister out of your business."

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5. 65

   pmorriesposted 11 years ago

   What do you mean by if? I have tried to be objective when they have a conflict,and point that both of them have their points, but my strategy is not perfect by any means.

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6. 38

   edhanposted 11 years ago

   I do understand as I was in such situation.
   
   It does not matter as the most important thing is between you and your partner. That is what marriage is about. Since you and your partner is already husband and wife, you have your own family to care for. When you have children, they will be your concern.
   
   You do not need to live with your parents as you have started your own family. Put your family first when comes to situation like this.

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7. 61

   avalleeposted 11 years ago

   I would find out the real issue and talk with all parties involved. If talking did not resolve the issue, I would not talk about spouse or parent in presence. If my spouse going with me to parents caused heated conversation, I would go alone. If parent ask about spouse, says fine and leave it at that. Sometimes forcing people to do things/make amends causes more resentment.

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   1. 87

      izettlposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      So what if you find the real issue? then what? That doesn't solve anything. My husband and mom don't get along simply because they're so different and if that's the issue and neither can be changed then it's still going to be difficult between them.

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   2. 0

      Garifaliaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      True izetti but you can't try to remain indifferent. If it's your husband who isntigates rude behaviour speak in private and let him know that woman raised you to the person he fell in love with. For your sake he must be patient. Same with your mom.

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8. 87

   izettlposted 11 years ago

   This is my situation. My husband and mom are polar opposites and used to be civil to each other then she lived with us a few years ago (for about 3 months) and since then my husband can't stand to be around her and is barely civil.
   So here's what I do. I got some advice from a buddy of mine who counsels people. He said it's not up to you. You're not responsible for their relationship. I was always trying to be the mediator and caught in the middle, but honestlyI just don't be a part of it. If they want to talk bad to each other, I just leave the room. It's not up to me to be reponsible for two adults.

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   1. 0

      Garifaliaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I hope you forgive my 'meddling' but I care about couples being happy. I bet you anything it was your mother who started the whole anti-civility. As a mother and mother-in-law to be, I know that a lot of the time it's how we speak to others that bugs

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9. 71

   greenerydayposted 11 years ago

   If they both really care about you then they will find a way to make things work between them. Most of the time the parent will do anything to make their children happy, even it means to get a long with your spouse no matter how difficult it is going to be they will try.
   
   So what is left whether your spouse would do the same, if not then you probably have to re-think your relationship because obviously you got a selfish partner who only think about themselves.
   
   You should expect your spouse to try to make the relationships with your parent to get better and making you a happier person because you would do the same with his/her parent, that's love, and it is about making a little sacrifice, and compromising.

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10. 86

    divacratusposted 11 years ago

    It's not always possible to get along with everyone. Just because your spouse gets along well with you, doesn't mean that he or she would be able to gel with everyone in your family. The best solution is to mind your own business and ignore when your partner or family starts ranting about each other. Like someone already mentioned here, they are adults -- let them deal with the problems themselves. All you can do is try and talk how it would mean a lot to you if your close ones were at least civil with each other. If that doesn't work, just let it be. You can't force people to like each other.

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11. 0

    Garifaliaposted 11 years ago

    That's an easy one. My husband was not fond of my mother because of ther odd behaviour. What did I do? Well, I tried to make him understand that she does not influence my behaviour, but nevertheless SHE IS MY MOTHER. It wasn't that hard because his father had many issues (worse than my mother). Anyway, the point is where there is love there is understanding. Most importantly, couples must be careful not to let anyone from either family get in the middle of the two. I put boundaries in my family and in his (in a very polite way) and we were all the happier for it. I live with my mother-in-law (she in a flat above mine) and she adores me like a daughter. The key to anything is to show genuine concern.
    
    Finally, when it's YOUR parent you have to take the initiative and point out to him/her that you love your spouse and your parent is creating problems. Because it is YOUR parent who loves you they will understand and back off. You must speak to him/her privately when hubby/wifie isn't around and open your heart. If it is a normal parent everything will work out. Today is my HAPPY 26th year wedding anniversary--I know what I'm talking about.
    
    PS
    Living in the same house with a parent while married is a mistake; I've been there too. But if it can't be avoided there must be boundaries. Nobody has a right to speak badly to your spouse, unless of course he/she(the spouse) is a tyrant; in that case you shouldn't have married the guy/gal to begin with.

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12. 72

    lburmasterposted 11 years ago

    What I'm doing now. If they don't agree with each other, I would have to get rid of one of them. My parents don't like my partner. My partner is creeped out by them, and I'm on my partner's side. All I hear from my parent's friends are, "I've been praying about your daughter. Did she break up with him yet?" I really just want to leave them and not consider them my family.

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