My son is 19 going on 10. Do teen boys ever grow up???
I've been a single mom 4ever, have successfully raised two girls, and yet my 19 year old son leaves me perplexed. Advice puleeze?
Teen boys grow up, but age doesn't make them a man. Men decide to take responsibility for themselves, and unfortunately today many boys don't grow into men, for it seems that many parents today bail them out and this keeps them dependent. There is a growing "entitlement" mentality that parents often create (not always) when a parent decides it's easier to help them than it is to let them fall and take responsibility for their own actions which always forces one to grow up or forever remain immature..
I also believe that the divorce rate has left many boys without a father, and it takes a man to help a boy grow up into a man.
That age is a little bit difficult. It´s normal that with 19 years the teenagers don´t behave yet as their father and mother would like. My opinion is that people really grow up in about 25-30 years old. Only a little percentage grow up sooner.
I keep hearing that the magic age is 30. Good Lord. 11 more years of this?
Aging, I think you've hit the nail on the head. As my son was growing up, I was the only disciplinarian he had since I was a single mom. I would tell him "no" and my son would run to his dad or another family member until he heard "yes". I took his cell phone away when he rang up $500 in overage charges. His aunt bought him a new one. He had 4 bikes stolen because he would forget to put the locks on so I told him he would have to save to pay for his next bike. Guess what he got for Christmas from Dad? A new bike. No matter how big or small the problem, there was always someone there to bail him out.
Teenage boys do grow up, or rather they will get out of the teen years.
If you mean by growing up - that they will take responsibility for themselves, that is also up to you. The more responsibility and independence we gave them in earlier years, that will have become part of their nature.
If you mean by growing up - getting out of that awful attitude that
teenagers have and the way they speak to others, especially their parents - this is very much related to the above. But even responsible teenagers can have a stream of that horrible back-talking.
To make him grow up - you have to put your foot down, no more
pampering. Tough - yes, but it's only for a short while. The other option - to keep things as they are - is painful for a much longer period. Up to you.
Irohner, that is horrible you were underminded so many times by people who weren't raising your son. But from my experience, they grow up in their mid-twenties, when they're out on their own, working, paying bills, "skidding on their face" as I heard many older men say. Good luck.
About teen boys:
Teen boys do need positive male role models. Unfortunately when their 'dad' is just the opposite, they get a lousy picture of what it is to be a man.
Real responsibility and firm consequences can work with teens, but must be consistent.
If mom or dad dad bails him out, gives him money and spoils him in the face of lousy behavior, that's a cop-out and does more harm than good.
Hi Iroh! Theres some great advice here! Mines nineteen and a college Junior a good kid but he has his moments. Everybody has to be on the same page! You'll never get a handle on any issue otherwise. My wife and I were always consistant, the rules are the rules. We also had a reward system, good grades and good behavior earned percs. Our son responded to that very well. Hes not a saint and there are times when we get sideways with him but not many at all. You need some cooperation with the rest of his family! God Bless.
My 17 year old son sounds just like your son. As a single mom, I have successfully raised a set of twin girls. Both have graduated from college and are wonderfully responsible adults. My teenaged boy often leaves me frustrated. However, my worst nightmare almost came true last week when I almost lost him in an accident. Today, I am so glad to have him by my side and am willing to wait until he is ready to grow up even if it takes another 10+ years. I am just thankful to have those years ahead of us.
No. My mother told me that men didn't grow up until they were 40. She lied to me. In my experience they never do.
Mine are 26 and 23 and they haven't so good lucK and God Bless you But I love them anyway! Nineteen is still pretty young. I don't think age and maturity, really come together at any magic number. People mature at different ages. People mature differently when overcoming different types of emotional or physical struggles in their lives as well. As in my children' s case, they both have physical and emotional disabilities. Sometimes teens just want to stay teens a little longer too! I believe that they fear being out on their own and facing the responsibility that comes with working and completing higher education. They are afraid to fail! Sometimes you have to face that fear, to succeed!
As a 26 year old man (boy), I can tell you that we never grow up. Sometimes, I look at my 53 year old father and think he is half my age. Your son will get older, and take on more responsibility, but like I said....we never grow up. :-)
I am 63 and still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. Boys tend to stay in their teens forever. Plenty of time later to grow up, or not. Put seven or eight 30 year old men in a room. Turn the TV sports and add beer. You will not be able to tell the difference between them and a bunch of 19 year olds or a bunch of 45 year olds. We act mature sometime, but it is an act. Girls actually do mature past 19. You are lucky you had two of them.
If I were you, I would ask him if he could help me out what he would do.
Find out his interests first. Everyone wants to help someone but Nobody wants to told what to do.
I was a father figure for few young Men throughout my life. And one example of this comes to mind. This paticular young Ladd I am thinking of lost his piece of S- - - Father to Divorce at a young age of 11.
Anyway long story short I managed apartments back then and hired him to help out with repairs lawn etc. Plan was to teach him and let him make some cash etc.
He was and still is a great kid now(20) at the age of about 14 something began to change I noticed some rebellion whenever I told him what to do as far as work. Mind you I was working right along side of him as he was a helper not working by himself.
This confused me for while and I was becoming frustrated with him I did not want to yell at him nor fire him, He had enough of this from his Dad growing up already.
After thinking about this for a while and judging from Myself I dedided to change the way I approached him. So instead of telling him to do this or that, I now approached him with the Words, "Hey could you do me a favor please" Worked like a charm! as he loved me and wanted to help but like most of us
didn't want to be told what to do.
We still talk about this today and laugh about it. Now we are still very close and He is grown up enougn that I just tell him what to do loser. Many laughs and love from both of us
However I am a firm believer in asking rather than telling young kids and making them feel like they are contributing.
Its a fine line but one that can be crossed
it's bad news I'm afraid, I'm 42 going on 10!
There's usually a period around 30-ish when we decide we really should be a bit more mature, but it soon passes.
Have you instilled in him the disciplines needed for him to mature as well as make productive decisions? I believe in order to reap good benefits you must sow good seeds!
Vonda G. Nelson
Just kidding, I have a 21 yr old son who happens to be very mature. He can act like a goober at times, but for the most part, I am very proud of the man he's turning into.
However, I live with my boyfriend and his 17 yr old son. This child has been given the world by the hands (by his dad) and he does nothing but disrespect the man. He is extremely selfish and acts like a 10 yr old at times. He is very polite when he's with everyone else, but when he's at home...it's a completely different story.
I think the answer lies mostly in the way the child is brought up.
Recent studies have show that the last thing to develop in the person is the frontal lobe of the brain. That is the part of the brain where judgment takes place. On average, that finishes when the person is 25 years old. Some younger, some older. Since everything starts at the top, good judgment is taught primarily by the parents. If there aren't any good role models in the persons life...I am sure that explains most of the problem adults out there. The other part of the equation...What has gone into the body via the eyes, ears, nose and mouth? There are a lot of outside influences that will assault the frontal lobe. Read "Proof Positive" - Books by Dr. Neil Nedley. Amazing information on the brain in influences.
If you are like me and you have fought all your life to raise a well adjusted person and you want your results to stick...Don't let go of them until they have fully developed. Adult hood is not dictated by age.
Well im 20 and my mom says im going on 12.. Its just a fact of life that boys will be boys... Does he have a gf?? If so he needs another one if he is still acting like this. If not he is old enough to go to a club or dance hall. Let him live it up...
I have a 12 year old son and a 45 year old husband. Both drive me to the edge. I've always asked that same question. When will they grow up? They don't, they just learn little things as the years go on. Just when you think it's getting better. They throw you a curve ball. What I tell myself is this...I can't control their actions, but I control how I am going to react to them. It helps me.
It's hard when you have children in a blended family and you are trying to teach the child important values. When you're not on the same page with the step family things like that can happen.
You would think the other family would have your sons best interest at heart; namely that he doesn't become a spoiled good for nothing brat.
Alas people compete for the hearts of the child in the middle and some think they can buy that love.
I hope your son figures out the difference quickly. At some point he's going to have to grow up. Because he chooses to or because life makes him.
My son is also 19 and I'm always saying his actual age is no more than 15, so I completely understand what you mean. He never lets us finish what we are saying, because he always knows everything about what we are going to say... Sometimes we haven't said more than 2 or 3 words and he stops us and says he knows. We have tried almost everything from punishing him (not going out, not playing PSP, etc.) to almost not talking to him and nothing worked. I have no advice for you. Hopefully they will change with time, deception, etc
If he is acting like a total nutcase then he is either wanting you to spend more time with him or he's got some mental issues . I don't mean to be rude about the mental thing but it might be true. Anyway its either them 2.
The first person that came into my head when I read this question is my other half. He's 27 going on 17 so I have to unfortunately say - no, I don't think so...although I really do hope to be proven wrong! But staying up all night playing video games at 27? Really?
The truth is that I think we all keep a little child in as as we turn into adults, it's just harder for some "men" to teach that inner child responsibility.
Growing up is only advantageous until it is time to let loose and be a kid again. I for one, would like to be more oriented toward the youth factor. Age and maturity only benefit you when you need to apply for a loan or fill out an application for an over 50 community. Now that I am in my 60's I would like to hang out with young people and see what sort of trouble they are getting into.
So you can see, some of us never do grow up, thank goodness!
It seems as though they grow up faster if parents do not enable them to avoid having to grow up.
Congratulations for getting him so far what you need to do now is get him out of the house and into a relationship with someone else for a few decades then perhaps when he comes round he may have reached puberty
In my experience women have a vested interest in making sure that their male children remain immature. That way the son remains "mummy's little boy" and the mother can indulge in sexist chatter about male immaturity.
Research shows that the congitive part of a person's brain does not fully develop until 25
As a 37 year-old male, I would say that 30 isn't the magic number because I'm at least five years away from growing up.
But as a parent, I feel your pain. There's no magic solution that will turn your teenager into a "normal" human being. Just do your best and someday he will realize what a great mom you are.
Many boys mature at a slower rate than girls. BUT you as a parent have to help him get there. If you don't, he could stay a man-boy forever.
Slowly stop being an enabler. If he's nineteen, he should be in school or at work. If he's working, he should be saving for school or his own place. Give him a time table and ENFORCE IT.
Six months to be in his own place or in school.
Stop paying his car insurance. Stop bailing him out on bills. Don't co-sign anything.
He is going to have to fall on his face a few times and pick himself up without help before he'll start to grow up. Some kids only learn the hard way.
He's a bit spoiled and he's never had to be mature. If you don't make him move in that direction, he'll be bumming off you at 40. Helping him grow up doesn't mean you don't love him. It means you'll help enough to shove him out of the nest so he can fly. But before he can fly, he's probably going to bounce off a few tree branches.
Most boys will finish maturing in their mid-twenties. Some last until their 30's. After 30? Mostly a lost cause.
Men grow up as it pertains to work! (And don't any of you guys send me any ugly emails, you know it is true.)
boys do grow up. they just take more time than they do. most of the time they learn on their own. it's not something that you can push them to.
They grow up when they are forced to - being kicked out of the house, being forced to either work full time or go to school full time to live at home.
Left to themselves, a lot of them would never grow up.
So do your son a favor and make him work for his living and education. Kids don't appreciate being given everything.
Teenage boys do grow up, physically at least but mentally and emotionally they will always have a childish side to them.
Yes, if you raised him properly, you wouldn't need to ask questions like these.
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