I always said I would spank my children, if necessary. I was spanked as a child, but not excessively. I can remember 2 or 3 times. Now that I have a child, I am not so sure. What do you think? Are children receiving the discipline they need, lately? Are we, as parents, too soft on our children?
Definitely to soft today, just look around when in a store and see children actually speaking back to their parents. It's more then just spanking, it's the entire way you raise your child to be respectful.
I have to tell my daughter's friends not to call me by my first name. But that's because their parents have never taught them that adults are Mr.or Mrs. By not teaching them this the kids feel they are on the same level as you. I tell them I am not their mate. This goes for not only little kids but right through teen years.
So spanking is ok, it inflicts more psychological pain then physical, (an open hand lightly tapped through clothes). When my daughter was about 4 if she acted up and wouldn't stop all it took was a light tap on her hand, she'd cry. Again it was more her realizing that she had done something that was bad enough to warrant it.
Save it for when the kid just won't stop, that way he knows his behavior was totally unacceptable. Pavlov showed just the thought of somthing triggers reaction. You said you were spanked a little, it sounds like your parents reserved it for the real bad behavior too. You don't seem damaged by it, but rather respectful and well behaved. You owe it to your kids to bring them up with the same respect and understanding of right and wrong, and that actions have consequences.
I, too, was spanked as a child and I personally don't have a problem with it as long as it's done with temperance and not just out of anger. Children respond differently to various forms of punishment, I think.
For instance, sending me to my room to "think about it" was not very effective as I often would entertain myself for hours on end anyway. I guess I often enjoyed then, as much as I still do, the solitude of my own private lair. Removing me from the company of others was more a welcome bliss than a punishment...especially if I were in trouble.
On the other hand, I never had to spank my daughter...not once. She hated being sent to her room, so that worked very well with her. I think it's up to the responsible parent to find the effective mode of punishment, (within reason of course).
I think you're right. I enjoyed the soletude of my room, and my mom knew I couldn't stand the thought of a spanking, so she would send me to her room to wait for her to calm down so she could spank me. The waiting would be torture. She would spank me, but it wasn't like a beating. The waiting is what worked on me. It didn't happen very often. The waiting is what I remember most about the spanking.
In my opinion I don't think there is need for Corporal Punishment. Kids can be punished other ways. Example, ask a teenager to choose b/w a light smack on the legs or not going to her friends 16th birthday party. Not allowing her to go the party would be more painful to her.
Secondly, these days you could get into trouble if you beat your child. In the UK, if you beat your child, the child can call the Police on you and before you know it Social Services are involved. This happens a lot. (Some still beat their kids though, they don't give a Toss)
Sorry, went on a bit... but Davina you ask such interesting questions.
Instead of punishment i would love to do silent treatment, just don't talk to them for 3-5 hours and tell somebody other to tell the kid that his parent decides not to talk to you due to that reason
I agree that there is a point at which spankings are no longer affective. Spanking a teenager is right out of the question. The more I consider it, the less affective I think spanking is, altogether. But, does a two year old understand "no" without a spank on the hand? I guess I will have to wait and see.
ya know I think thats whats wrong with kids these days. I have actually had my kids tell me to my face, you cant hit me Ill tell. And they are little brats at times. Sometimes a kid needs a spanking. Im not talking about abuse as to leave any kind of marks or anything. Kids never acted the way they do these days years ago.
American children ?
Tar and feather is considered abuse nowadays, the woodshed is just a memory, and the belt is for holding up Daddy's pants, nothing else.
I spanked all my children when they were old enough to understand wrong brings pain, and after a while, which was a short while, thank God, I didn't need to spank them anymore.
If I so much as looked towards the direction of where my pants were hanging, without even saying a word, they "straightened up", and none of my children grew up hating me nor contemptous of me for all the discipline they got.
In the state of PA, Corporal Punishment is allowed. I had a police officer tell my son this. And then the officer said he was in need of a spanking because my son was being very cocky to him.
Yeah, well, sweetie (no offense meant), trust me, that'll soon be a memory.
To tell the truth I don't know really/
Seems to me, some kids need a good woodshed talk to get some lessons into them.
Some kids are smart enough to understand at an early age what respect and discipline means, not necessarily through the gene pool, you know what I mean ?
I guess, it should be left to the parent to determine what works best for their kids, and there should be less interference from government about this thing.
To be sure, some folks have this sadistic tendency in them, when they get to beating up on their kids, and that should be where the whistle is blown.
I would like to state that I am not talking about child abuse. I am talking about different forms of discipline. Spanking is not right for some people. Spanking can be taken overboard. I agree that with each individual child, there is a different form of discipline that will be affective.
Children are little people and need to be treated like miniature adults (and they are). Would you like it if someone bigger and stronger than you inflicted pain upon you when you did something wrong?
If your answer is yes then go ahead spank your kids but then encourage a bigger stronger person to spank you.
I can't say for others but, fortunately, I never had to raise my voice even. People don't agree with me when I emphasize on:
1. Loving your child more than you love yourself and,
2. Being there for him whenever he needs you as a parent.
I just adhered to these two simple things and the rest was taken care of on its own. Never had to consciously try to discipline him.
Mostly agree. Yet there are kids (like my middle one) that time to time need a spank to be able to regain their composure.
That can happen Misha. All kids are not alike. I've noticed one thing, though. Kids passively pick up aggression either from parents or from someone they are more exposed to. According to Psychologists, some children, at young age, somehow admire (secretly) 'power' and try to imitate the mannerisms of any adult who wields power. That admiration manifests itself in the form of unruly behavior exhibited by such children. Despite the fact that 'bringing up' plays an important role in governing the behavior of a child, yet, some traits are inherent and have to be dealt with.
Yeah, agree again - surprisingly We are really trying to do our best, and while we too have issues of course, they are not as severe as average Joe or Jane has - thanks to our parents I guess.
Sasha is just hyper emotional, and did not yet master controlling his emotions. He is very bright and loving personality, yet when negative emotion get hold on him he will push everybody's buttons until stopped by force. He is getting better every day though, and we hope the worst is over.
Corporal punishment YES!
The kids I know without it have serious behavior issues because they don't have any consequences to their actions.
I have to respectfully disagree with this. I was never spanked as a child nor do I spank my own children and they are all very well-behaved. (I have 5 of them) I am always getting compliments on how well my children behave. Your children can have consequences for their action without spanking.
My brother used to get the cane at school. That might be taking it a bit far, but some of these kids, the smart-mouthed ones, definitely need something to knock their heads straight.
That way there might be less difficult people to deal with on this earth.
I was smacked through my face at least once when I was small, and spanked maybe a few times.
I knew of kids who got much worse punishment, like a whipping or belting, and yet they still misbehaved.
Did Pavlov beat the dog in ordder to have it salivate? Your dog is less inteligent than your 2 year old so do you slap the dog too?
It's always the people who don't have children, like my brother...
As a matter of fact I do and I have never once raised my hand to them. We have a great relationship and they give me nothing but joy and love. Never a reason to project anger towards them ever and there will never be a reason to project anger towards them
And they never gave you a hard time and never tried to push your buttons? Sorry, I don't believe you.
My daughter is 9 months old and she is just learning to crawl and climb. She will try to climb up a bookshelf and look back at me with a defiant look, as if she knows I am going to say "no". It is funny now, but I know that she is going to have a defiant temperament. I wouldn't expect any less! I really don't think she is never going to give me a hard time. I am willing to accept, for the sake of argument, that there is a group of, self-cleaning, perfect children out there. But, my child is not one of them, and isn't going to be.
Sometimes it isn't about children's temperament as much as their stage of development. Ten-month-olds discover how much fun it is to slap their parents' face. One-year-olds enjoy dropping all their dinner on the floor. Two-year-olds may get frustrated and hit another kid who takes one of the toys. Even those 20-year-olds are in a "stage" when they're so "attached" to the new freedom of being a grown-up they go overboard in a pretty immature way.
My kids have presented worries and challenges like all kids will (one, more than other two); but the worries are things they didn't mean to present; and the challenges have been part of their growing up and being the independent-thinking people I hoped they'd be. I have to say, though, that even when they presented all the normal worries and challenges, if we didn't have that super-strong, close, relationship from the earlier years things may have gone far more awry. I think parents sometimes underestimate older kids' needs to still have lots of one-on-one attention and conversation and enjoyable time with parents.
I think you are absolutely right. I congratulate you on having an objective viewpoint and taking the time to raise your kids right. A lot of parents don't take any time, at all, and I think this is the problem. I gave up my job, so I can stay home and witness all the stages. I am not knocking working mothers, I have just always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom when I had kids. I am having a ball with my girl, so far. I just don't want to be amiss with the discipline, when the time comes.
I don't slap my daughter! I never even mentioned the word "slap". And, my daughter salivates just fine, thank you!
My mom rubbed her dog's nose in its own filth once...
Dogs are like kids - they behave best when not hit.
My dad would likely say, "The only good dog is a dead dog." He hasn't had any dogs for years now.
Now he has a cat who scratches and bites him all the time!
Your father is obviously not a "natural" when it comes to pets. I don't mean to be obnoxious, but our dog was as noticeably well behaved as our kids were. Everyone loved him.
I've had quite a few well behaved cats on my "resume" as well, so it's really clear to me how much of a role love and respect plays in having well behaved kids and pets. The world is full of people with well behaved kids and pets, and they'll all say the same thing.
You can raise children who are extremely well behaved and respectful of you and others without hitting them. I was pretty flexible with my three kids but there were two, simple, firm, rules in our house: "Nobody hits anybody else - ever. We all talk to everyone else (including animals) with respect. That doesn't mean always agreeing - only not yelling and name-calling."
If you build a nice relationship with your child when she's a baby to three or four years old and talk about "this is what people do", she'll most likely behave well. Little kids aim to please parents when they they absolutely adore their parents. You can "cash in" on the "wants to please you" phase. Once she gets closer to school age if she does something wrong you can work out consequences that don't involve hitting and probably will make more sense, and teach a better lesson, to her.
Once they get older it's a-whole-nother-thing; but if you have the right foundation they still don't want to disappoint you, and there's still a lot of ways that foundation makes a big difference.
The more I think about it, the more I agree with this. I was spanked, so I always assumed I would spank my kids. I was never "beaten" or "smacked" out of anger. I am just concerned with the lack of discipline with the kids of the US, today. I have been around so many kids who have no respect for their parents, or adults, it makes me sad that these children are going to grow up without knowing that there are negative repurcussions for not having any discipline.
My siblings and I were never hit. Our parents would, however, "be disappointed to death" if we did some little thing (and I don't think that's great, either. They'd lay far more guilt on us than was really appropriate. When my kids did some little mess-up I'd let them know it wasn't right, but I'd also let them know that I understood that kids mess up.
the act of trespassing someone's personal space to inflict pain is assault and not instruction no matter how slight. It takes a brain to communicate with a brain and emotions to communicate with emotions.
Push buttons? You must have buttons to push. If you look at your children compassionately and not think of the quarky things they do as 'PUSHING YOU BUTTONS' then I think you will have a great experience as a parent.
remember, children are nothing but undeveloped adults who are still learbing about this world. And it is your duty to guide them through it and understand them using your experience and compassion. You are their everything and by hitting and yelling you are showing weakness and creating faulty individuals when they grow up.
Oh, so you don't have any buttons? You must be a God then, or may be an alien. Us, mortals, do have them.
to my Kids I am GOD. And as GOD I must be loving uncoditionally, patient and compassionate.
treat your children with patience, love and compassion and they will treat cherish you and treat you the same.
You are getting arrogant. What makes you thinking that I don't treat my kids like this?
Some people may have been mistreated as kids, so this strikes a chord with them. He wrongfully assessed that I "slap" my daughter, so he probably has some issue of his own to deal with. Consider where he's coming from. It has nothing to do with you, he is just lashing out at any, and everyone. I meant to put he, or she. My apologies.
I never said so. I just think Nurture trumps over nature all the time. My father was a deamon and So far I have done everything the otherway around. I would ask myself what would dad do and always make sure I did the opposit.
I know lots of people that beleive is spanking. Mine are 15 and 18. Strong compassionate respectful kids. never once had issues. I obviously worked very hard at acheiving that.
Oh I have a great relationship with him. I consider it his loss. He robbed me a a great childhood but I did not let him rob me a great relationship with him as an adult and I will not let his mistakes rob my children of a great relationship whith their grandfather.
He will never experience the type of joy I get from my children. In the day parents confused FEAR with respect. And when children feared adults it was confused with respect.
I am definitely not the one in a position to judge.
Well folks, it is almost 5:30 pm EST and I must leave the office. It was great chit chatting with you.
Davinagirl, I'm not sure I'd call any one way of raising children "right" - other than just really treasuring them, teaching them right from wrong, and trying to be there for them.
From the time I first adopted/has each (my oldest was adopted in infancy) I was absolutely thrilled with each of my babies. I didn't worry about anything but making sure they knew I loved them and trying to keep them happy. Although things got a little more complicated once they got past being little kids, I have to say that I've always enjoyed every minute I've spent with each of them right up to this day with only a few exceptions that involve one seventeen-year-old son's thinking I was unreasonable not to let him keep beer in his bedroom. I did go through a phase of having arguments with him over that for a while. Time takes care of those kinds of arguments, though. I almost think that enjoying being with our children may be THE surest ways of staying close, because so many other things in parenting we have to figure out more on a case-by-case basis.
Although they might need it sometimes, its hard to spank our children. Mine were always arrogant about it. When I told them they were going to get a spanking, they would go and lie across the bed and wait patiently for the spanking. They knew I wouldn't spank them because it was hard for me to do it. Until one day I actually did! :-)
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