Divorce rates might be greater in the West Aqeel. However there are a lot of arranged marriages in the East and you dare not ask for a divorce if you wanted one. "strong family bondings" - is this the case of the whole family living with husband and wife?
The west is more open and have laws in place For Divorce. I'm sure if it was like this in the East, the Divorce rate would probably be the same as in the West.
I believe whole family living with husband and wife is one of the major reasons of increasing divorce rate in East.
UltimateHubber: You have my vote on that. That's one of the major reasons of increasing divorce rate in the East. There's a lot more to it in case someone's interested to really talk about it here. BTW divorce, in my opinion, goes much beyond actually getting a court order. There is a significant % of couples who don't see each other eye to eye but still live underneath one roof. I guess a formal divorce is better than living like that.
I agree with you.One more reason can be eastern women are less independent financially.
Or maybe you've just got better women in the east. And maybe that comment shows why I am still single!
You don't get beaten to death if you ask for a divorce in the West.
Not usually, anyhow. And if you are, they put the guy in prison so he doesn't do it to his next wife.
Fierycj, why do you say that? Don't assume every post is an attack on Nigeria - for one thing, I wouldn't classify it as being in "the East". The African approach to sex and marriage is quite liberal and tolerant but unfortunately, that's not the case in many other parts of the world. Do you live in Pakistan, where families will set women alight if they wish to divorce their husbands, or want to marry for love?
No, really, it's true, fierycj.
Women are allowed to ask for a divorce here ...
I remember seeing a programme where if somebody commited adultery or rape then they where put to death. Seems extreme to me.
the guy being interviewed said it brought things under control for about 10 - 15 years as people remembered the punishment.
Not advocating this just adding to the discussion
To answer the question - yes, I think fear is one of the reasons why the divorce rate is lower in some Eastern countries.
However, I think cultural stigma plays a bigger part. That still exists in Eastern countries where it's almost disappeared in the West.
For instance, I didn't feel ashamed when I divorced. But when my older sister's marriage broke up, she was so ashamed she didn't tell anyone - she just pretended she'd moved back home to care for our aged parents. And she's only ten years older than me.
Women (and men) in earlier generations would have been so ashamed, they wouldn't even have left. Instead, they would have stuck it out in a loveless marriage. My parents were in their forties when they had me, so most of their friends were of that older generation, and I saw lots of evidence of that!
These days, divorce is no longer considered shameful, so people are less likely to grit their teeth and suffer. Besides, we've been brought up to believe we have a right to personal happiness, so we're less likely to settle for second-best.
In the East, there's more emphasis on not "losing face", and family obligations are more important than individual happiness. People will stay in a miserable marriage for those reasons.
Is that good or bad?
And can we define 'West' and 'East' as it is being used here?
I think it's good, because it means that people are not living unhappy lives unnecessarily.
Good question. It's an imprecise definition, but when I think of "The East" I think of what we call the "Middle East" and the "Far East", meaning most Arabic and Asian countries.
The West is usually the developing countries, which includes Australia in spite of the fact we're in the East. I'm conscious that with this definition, I've left out big chunks of the world including Africa and India, which fall somewhere in between.
To be fair, I guess there is a downside. If divorce is too easy, some people can suffer from the "grass is always greener" syndrome, and abandon a reasonably contented marriage only to find that life outside isn't as exciting as they thought it would be.
In Australia, you have to be separated for a year before you can file for divorce. That does give people time to think, IMO. In some states of America, you can divorce in a matter of weeks - that's scary.
I have been noticing.... you have unflattering opinion about my country...US isn't much better or worser than any other western democracy.
How many others have you lived in? I've lived in the UK, Europe, Africa and Australia, and I've visited the States twice. We also see a lot of US news programs here. So I don't think I'm uninformed.
I notice that a lot of Americans seem to think their country is wonderful, without ever having been anywhere else.
Earlier I saw you mentioning about US not being "progressive".... multi racial couples.... which is far from truth....US is the third largest country in terms of population... we have both the diversity and numbers....Sorry lady... I didn't mean to be rude.
No offense taken, I see how you might have been upset by that.
I was giving a specific example of my friend from Chicago who had experienced major problems in his home town after marrying a white woman. He said he felt much freer in Australia. Of course maybe it's just some areas of the States that are still intolerant.
One year of separation is required in India as well. Out of my personal experience, the restriction imposed by law is no good to bring two people closer once they have decided that they don't have to.
Yes correct that the divorce rate is much less here in east and it is also correct that the reason for the same is social stigma and fear. In India here the condition has improved to a certain extent but only in developed parts of the country, namely the metros which is not even one percent of the total India. However people here are not burnt (as I learned from the previous comments) if they go for divorce.
I personally will never go for it. No you got me wrong, I will not let the condition come to that point. Love, respect and trust are the things that I think are elixir for any relationship while ego is a deadly poison and I do not carry poison with myself.
Are most parents cool with love marriages in India... what would you say about absolute percentages of arranged/love marriages?
No they are not and the said ratio is very very bad but as I said earlier that things have improved (negligible when you consider India as a whole). Earlier I thought my parents were reserved but later understood that they wanted me to be matured enough to judge between infatuation and love. But then one will say this is an instance from a counted few cases. I agree but compared to the situation about 10 years back things have changed but then again in developed parts of the country only.
Most of the people I dated were from different cultures than myself and we always felt comfortable in public. However, this does vary from couple to couple. There are many interacial couples that have good marriages here though. However, I have heard about people that face discrimination from family and friends who just cannot accept these relationships. Overall things are becoming more progressive, but some people still do have difficulties. Even back when the US was settled there were many marriages between Naive Americans and Europeans, as I have found out from studying my family tree.
When sex becomes separated from the bearing and raising of children, the social structures begin to change.
Contraception started in the West, and the separation of sex from motherhood has progressed further.
I predict that if and when contraception becomes widespread and acceptable in every corner of the world, the marriage rate will be much lower than it is today, the divorce rate will be higher, and we will see a much wider variety of family structures - gay couples with kids, families of three or four adults raising a group of kids, sisters living together and raising kids without a man in residence, and so on.
Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing depends entirely on whether or not you feel the "traditional" nuclear family we in the West have worshipped for the past hundred and fifty years or so really meets the needs of the majority of people.
Well, in terms of the US, from the days of its foundation it has had a different cultural structure. For us the hierarchy of "importance" in a generalized societal way starts with the individual and moves outward. Many Asian societal perspectives (and this is largely from reading, anthro classes and such, but also from knowing many Asians from different parts of Asia) starts with the family, and moves outward, not necessarily recognizing the individual in terms of needs and desires. That is a very huge difference, even if it is only one step. Because of that, the concept of marriage, both entering into one (arranged or not) and exiting one is a much more rigid and serious concept in the East.
While many countries around the world still have very extreme reactions to divorce and marriage, the US doesn't have a very strong sense of marriage or concern for divorce (btw, I'm from the US, have travelled out of the country, and frequently socialize with many people not from the US). I have multiple friends who have been engaged multiple times, divorced after less than five years (one less than five months) and many who have unrealistic expectations on what a marriage is supposed to be. A few of them simply don't believe in what they consider and archaic institution. Perhaps many people see this as a good thing, a freedom thing, but I see it as a weakening thing. Not shameful to get divorced, not weak to fall in love, but the consider both rites so flippantly.
This is just a thought so don't kill me for it. Maybe because here in the east, we value the words "till death do us part" (not literally, though) better than those in the west or maybe because we consider other people more than we consider ourselves? This is what I oftentimes hear when couples or wives are asked why don't they just kick out the other one or get separated or get an annulment (our equivalent of a divorce) and the reply is "I pity my children" or "he's still my husband" or "we made our vows" or "what will people say".
Another reason I think has to do with religion. Divorce is illegal here because of our strong Catholic inclinations. On the other hand, we have annulment which is a lot more expensive (even more expensive than getting married)and a lot harder to get, but when granted, produces a result worse than divorce (annulment is like there is NO marriage in the first place). I know, my parents had one.
On the other hand, I don't think the ratio on divorce is the only thing that should be considered when measuring the success of marriage (as an institution). Some (like mine) countries do not have divorce but they may have lots of annulments plus legal separations plus informal separations, etc., etc. These say the same thing as divorce - broken relationships.
Thanks for sharing Emie. I never knew Divorce could be illegal anywhere. Crikey, so once your in, your IN.
Yes Lady_E. That's why a lot of professionals here nowadays take a long time before getting married. Just in my circle of friends alone, our average age for getting married is 30 years old and above. With the kind of trend we are noticing, we really have to think a million times before getting married .
I agree with much of what Marisa and Jenny have said. My experience as someone who married into a Central Asian family where most of the members are in arranged marriages is that divorce is rarer in their culture because it's perceived as terribly shameful, not because the marriages are necessarily happier or more stable.
In my husband's native culture, any woman who divorces or is divorced by her husband is automatically assumed to be a slut, even if the husband was the actual cheater, or worse. One of my cousins by marriage recently sought a divorce after years of physical and emotional abuse by her husband, and she is afraid to return to her home country, even though she is currently in Moscow with no support structure to help her raise her two young children. And she is lucky enough to have a family who actually does support her and want the best for her, rather than viewing her as a stain on their "honor."
I agree that many Western couples don't take marriage as seriously as they should and seem to divorce at the first sign of trouble, but on the whole, I would rather have too many divorces than too few!
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