Teenagers are emerging adults and are aware of their parents fallability. Teenagers will comply with their parents wishes if they agree and see the value of compliance, or if the consequences are very dire. Watch out for serious consequences because power struggles are problematic.
I agree, they have to redefine who they are and following parents suggestions doesn't always mesh with their flight for independence. While it is natural for them to establish themselves as unique and seperate persons, it is up to parents to help them in the process without being too controlling. Naturally, parents need to pay attention as to whether they go in good direction.
When I was teen, it was no different. I hated my parents, hated their rules, hated the way they treated me.
As an adult, I look back and am grateful for their discipline and patience.
Someone once said: "You always remember when your parents say harsh words to you, but you never remember the awful things that you say to your parents." It's very true.
Teenage children are at the stage of life when they individuate. They are becoming their own persons who are experiencing life on their own term. Teenagers are no longer children who will unquestioningly obey their parents.
Teenagers have minds of their own and are questioning their parents. Teenagers are starting to develop their own interests and need their parents' guidance less and less. This is very normal. I would seriously question a teenager who slavishly and sleepishly obey their parents. This means that something is seriously wrong with that teenager and he/she will not develop into an independent adult and a leader.
This type of teenager I would classify as retarded with no mind of their own. I admire teenagers who are rebellious because this shows that they have moxie and are capable of independent thought. A teenager who slavishly and sleepishly obey his/her parents will not develop into an independent adult or a leader. He/she will be a submissive without self-confidence who will just be an amoeba aimlessly going through life.
I believe that obedience is a bad word. Who wants to be obedient. Obedient means subverting one will to another. I do not advocate this at all. I believe that teenagers should be independent and do their thing as long as they do not harm others. Independent teenagers will be the movers and shakers of tomorrow while obedient teenagers will be just submissive sheep.
Teens are struggling to find discipline and safe boundaries, while at the same time trying to find out how much their parents love them and how much other's love them.. This is a very confusing time for teens, and parents.
Teens will tell parents to leave them alone, but are really begging for parents to hold them and show me how much parents love them.
Teens want to find their boundaries within the confines of love. Sadly, with broken homes and latch key children, these lessons are learned from peers, instead of the confines of a loving home.
When I was being raised there was always a parent at home, most children don't have that any more, so we have created an unstable base for our teens to grow up in and are reaping the seeds of anarchy caused by weak homes.
Teenagers are in the process of exploring the world. They are, in a way confused at this stage to decide what is right or wrong. They have vagueness in their opinions. They don't want to agree with their parents' ideas because they are not sure about their own opinions and decisions. Everyday they see changes in the continuously evolving world. They keep their opnions pending, like to wait and watch further. May be this is the reason why they don't agree with their parents' opinions. This leads to not obeying their parents during teenage.
When I was a teen, following the rules wasn't easy. One day I could stay out late, the next day not.
I was also trying to make friends. ( I'm not one that lets others in easily.) It always seemed that the friends I wanted to hang with had different rules on how things were done. Even though I knew my parents rules, I wanted a friend more than I cared about being punished.
Now, I have teenagers and it happens all the time. I decided not to be like my parents. I didn't ask questions about why. Instead, I told them I wanted them to invite their friends over for a cook out in the back yard. This allowed me to watch and listen to them without invading their social life. I became the "cool mom".
It allowed me to see if the people invited were true friends or users. A true friend is respectful when your child tells them they have to check in while out or needs to complete a chore before hanging out. Users will use peer pressure to get your child to do things their way.
I was happy that my children were mostly making good choices in friends. I also found out that my children were willing to listen when I pointed out the one or two that were not true friends. Then I let them decide on their own if they wanted to keep that person around.
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