Should my husband and I be allowed to adopt?
I am disabled for a congenital heart disease. My husband has drug felons on his record from five years ago. He works in a drug and alcohol rehab working with teens. We already have a daughter who is healthy and happy. We are allowed to foster children, which the government would pay us for. Should we be allowed to adopt?
To be honest I could not say yes or know as I don't know your particular circumstances.
We had a successful adoption and would recommend it for people that cannot have a natural birth.
Having said that, I believe that if you are successful in adopting you need to be honest with the child. There is nothing worse than the child thinking you are their natural parents only to be told by a jealous or hurtful person that they are adopted.
We told our son right from the start that we chose him and that he was special.
Whether you adopt or have your own child naturally is no guarantee that either will love and respect you.
All children have their own personalities and are very different and the best loved child can still go off the tracks and cause heartache.
Good luck. Fostering would surely fill a useful emptiness knowing that you are caring for that child and giving them your love so if the adoption does not work out you still have that option.
My husband does not want to have me foster. I would be too attached and it would be emotionally devastating for me to have kids come and go in my life. But between my heart condition and his "recent" felons makes adoption nearly impossible. Even though the state laws that regulate who can adopt are the same as who can foster. What I do not understand is that the government is willing to pay us for just being foster parents, but will not let us pay them to adopt...It just does not make sense in my mind.
But I am very happy that you adoption was successful.
Well, leave it to the government to confuse us once again. You say you can't adopt, but you can foster. Bah...sometimes there's just no sense. Anyway...fostering is a wonderful way to make a difference in someone's life. I've never fostered, but to put a bit of a loose parallel on it, my wife and I do foster dogs. Forgive the comparison, but there ARE comparisons. You have to learn to love and cherish in order to give the best to your "child", but also to prepare yourself for the day it's time to let go. I don't know you, therefore I don't know your ability to do that. It's not easy...but if you can align yourself with the fact that's it's a service to the child, giving them warmth and love and preparing them for their future home, I think it's a fine thing. And you'll also be giving their permanent parents a gift, by making their new son or daughter more prepared to live in a happy safe home, before they get to their final destination. God bless and good luck.
It doesn't make sense to me either that you would be allowed to foster, but not adopt -- maybe they want to retain the right to take the kids back if anything happens? While I know I couldn't foster for the same reasons you state, depending on what age of kids you're interested in, it might be worth discussing it with Family Services. Many fosters, especially for older kids, end up being long-term if it's a good fit with the foster family. A very good friend of mine went into the foster care system when she was 10, and if it hadn't been for a violation on the part of the foster home when she was 15, that would have continued to be her home (they still remain her family, though...she stays in contact and visits them for the holidays). My own husband went into the foster system when he was 13, and after a few initial bad fits, he came to a foster home where he was eventually adopted by his foster mom. When she started fostering, she wasn't eligible for adoption either -- she had four biological kids, and there had been some domestic abuse issues in his foster father's past. Because of her foster history, they eventually let her adopt both of her foster boys, even though by that point she was single.
I am an adoption assessor, so I am a social worker who approves/disapproves families for adoption in my state. Each state is different as to what the requirements are for adoption. Just because your husband has "felonies" does not mean that he is automatically disqualified to be an adoptive parent. It would depend on the degree of the felony and the actual offense. Obviously, if it was a violent crime or a crime against a child, it would not be feasable for him to adopt.
Your heart condition may or may not also disqualify you. You would be required to have a medical evaluation completed and the doctor would need to give his professional opinion as to whether or not your health condition would interfere with your ability to parent.
It wasn't clear to me if you had actually inquired about adoption. My advice would be to talk with an adoption professional in your state to see if your circumstances would disqualify you from adopting.
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